So, I’ve been working with this guy for about six months, and we’ve become pretty good friends. We have so much in common - he’s described me as the female version of him - and all our collegues are convinced we’re going to end up together and are always teasing us about it. I know he’s interested in me because he’s asked me out a couple of times, but I’ve always said no because, while he’s a great friend, I’ve never felt physically attracted to him. So imagine my surprise when I walk in this morning, look at him and go “Heeeey…” I don’t know what it is but he looks REALLY good today. Maybe it’s the shirt, maybe it’s just my hormones, but I can hardly take my eyes off him - I just want to touch him!
My question for you guys is: what the hell does this mean?! Should I just ignore the feeling and hope it goes away, or what? It’s completely taken me by surprise. I’ve known this guy for months and have never thought about him in that way - hell, I even tried to set him up with one of my friends (it didn’t work out). To complicate matters, I’m going on a second date tomorrow with a new guy I rather like, and I think that might go somewhere. Ack, I’m confused! Any thoughts or words of advice, please?!!
Given how suddenly your feelings have shifted, you should probably give this some time. Waiting even a few days won’t make a difference–and if it is hormonal, at least you’ll have allowed yourself some time to calm down before you make a move.
I say go for it if the feelings don’t go away. Most of the best relationships come from friendships in my experience. I also dispute the conventional wisdom about not dipping your pen in the company ink IYSWIM: it’s down to the invidivdual company. Just promise yourself that if it all goes pear-shaped, you’ll be able to maintain your professional demeanour.
Although temping, the whole work/relationship things is delicate - tread carefully
Maybe the second date you are about to go on has got you thinking about things and has influenced how you look at your friend - i.e., when you were available, you weren’t interested, but now that you can imagine not being available, you at least are curious…
Nothing wrong with being up front and dating both - no need to provide details, just “this is not exclusive - we are having fun and let’s have a few dates and see where it goes” that way you can investigate both.
There may be a couple things going on. First, I agree with wordman about that second date with the other guy making you thing about your friend in a different light. But also, if you have been emotionally attracted to him, that can at some point turn into a physical attraction as an extension of the emotional attraction. The date with the other guy may have made you realize how close you feel to your friend, sort of a subconscious mental comparison, and triggered something. It’s like the difference between having sex and making love, not to sound too sappy. You can be attracted to someone on a physical level without being emotionally involved. But when you’re emotionally involved, you want to be with that person physically as an expression of how you feel about them and to deepen your intimacy. The emotional desire overtakes and creates the physical desire.
[sub]please note lack of sleep and inadequate caffeine intake may be influencing this post[/sub]
No. this was just an expression of amusement at Shibb0leth’s post! I’m not really a “jumping his bones” kinda girl, although I’ll admit that when he went on his lunch just now, it was all I could do not to follow him, throw him up against the wall and kiss him! Ahem. What on earth has gotten into me? All I can think is that my date with the other bloke has unleashed the floodgates of “OMG it’s been sooooooo long”, and now I find everyone attractive! Although the other blokes I work with aren’t looking any better than they did yesterday. And on the other hand, he and I do talk about stuff that I never normally tell people about, and he seems to understand me better than other people I’ve known for years, so maybe it is something deeper than that…
While there are plenty of exceptions to cite, and I know little to none of the specifics of your situation, may I humbly suggest that, kidding aside, steer clear of all the “jumping his bones” talk? Sure, its cute - I would’ve loved it if a girl jumped my single guy bones back in the day - but you posted because a guy you find yourself friends with - new-ish friends, but comfortable talking with in a special way - is looking attractive. And, at the same time, you have a second date with someone else you think has potential.
Any bone-jumping would mess things up at this point.
Whether you have been intending to progress further with your friend or not up until now, you have, in effect, been “taking it slow”. It would make sense that, if you are going to explore a new level with him - especially if you are dating someone else - that you should continue with this approach. Take it slow.
If your physical attraction is short-lived, you will minimize his pain (he has already expressed interest, so will no doubt be pleased as your return of that interest - but if you jump his bones and move on, his confusion and pain will be huge, given how you two communicate). And if you tell both guys that you are exploring and dating others, then jump one of them, what message does that send?
I know the whole bone-jumping thing was a joke and you have already stated that you aren’t that type of gal. I am just using it to illustrate a point - if you are physically attracted to someone who has been a good friend, then that has HUGE potential. Take it slow and be thoughtful and clear in your communications. But it does seem worth pursuing. Best of luck.
I’m with the: let time pass and take it slow crowd.
Because suddenly finding someone yummylicious to that degree is a little worrying (if you care about his feelings and friendship).
Things build up, sure, but in my agenda: Never wall-smacking out of the blue.
While there are plenty of exceptions to cite, and I know little to none of the specifics of your situation, may I humbly suggest that, kidding aside, steer clear of all the “jumping his bones” talk? Sure, its cute - I would’ve loved it if a girl jumped my single guy bones back in the day - but you posted because a guy you find yourself friends with - new-ish friends, but comfortable talking with in a special way - is looking attractive. And, at the same time, you have a second date with someone else you think has potential.
Any bone-jumping would mess things up at this point.
Whether you have been intending to progress further with your friend or not up until now, you have, in effect, been “taking it slow”. It would make sense that, if you are going to explore a new level with him - especially if you are dating someone else - that you should continue with this approach. Take it slow.
If your physical attraction is short-lived, you will minimize his pain (he has already expressed interest, so will no doubt be pleased as your return of that interest - but if you jump his bones and move on, his confusion and pain will be huge, given how you two communicate). And if you tell both guys that you are exploring and dating others, then jump one of them, what message does that send?
I know the whole bone-jumping thing was a joke and you have already stated that you aren’t that type of gal. I am just using it to illustrate a point - if you are physically attracted to someone who has been a good friend, then that has HUGE potential. Take it slow and be thoughtful and clear in your communications. But it does seem worth pursuing. Best of luck.
As a guy who’s currently getting involved with a co-worker, I say go for it. If you’re OK with the “dating a co-worker” thing (as someone else said, it depends on the company - in my case it’s not a problem) it sounds like it could turn into something really great.
I’m with the “wait a day or two, and if you feel the same, go for it” crowd. I mean, really–life is so short. Cliche, yes, but in truth as long as you don’t anything that will make you disrespect yourself the next morning, I say have fun and good luck to you. Enjoy the feeling!!
What you describe sounds wonderful, and I’ve had the same experience. The best relationship I had started out as friends first, becoming intimate only when I discovered how damn sexy she was after spending a lot of time with her personality. Unfortunately, some things went awry years later, but the relationship lasted 5 years and she remains the woman I’ve loved the most deeply. May your luck be better than mine! (I.e., partner of five years getting involved with someone else and then leaving you for that someone).
