Bizarrely, I suddenly find this guy attractive...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

[Myra]

Sounds nice for you, Jennyrosity. You’ve found out something that many people never will: Just because a person doesn’t effervesce your hormones the first time you meet doesn’t mean they never will.

So many people figure that, if the “spark” is not there right in the very beginning, they won’t bother. It’s sad when a person you have the hots for turns out to be all wrong when you get to know them. But it’s great falling romantically and erotically in love with someone you already know and like.

After a number of failed relationships (it was always hormones vs. brains, and they all dumped me) I learned. I was age 28 and working with two guys that I knew were interested in me.

One, Snake-eyes, was dark, brooding, mysterious, gorgeous. When he looked at me (which he did a lot) my knees got weak. (swoon!) But… I hardly knew him.

The other was Nice GuyTM. He was sweet, smart, funny, polite, all that good stuff. Very shy. And he was swooning over me! But… I felt no spark.

So I had to decide. Would Snake-eyes play head games with me? Would he run after he saw the overflowing book collection? Resent polysyllabic words? Expect me to be a doormat and be pissed when I wasn’t? Decide he preferred arm-candy instead? He didn’t even know me!

I took a closer look at Nice GuyTM. His heart, if not exactly on his sleeve, was at least peeking out of his collar a bit. Here was a gentleman. This guy would be good to me. His looks, well, wouldn’t turn heads for good reasons or bad. But kinda handsome, in a classic sort of way. Nice body. Well shaped hands. Hmmm, those have gotta be the greenest eyes I’ve ever seen. So, I pondered, I don’t really have the hots for Nice GuyTM, but… could I? I didn’t find him repulsive in any way, after all.

So I did it. I asked Nice GuyTM to lunch. (The look on his face was priceless!) We started going out. He got handsomer and handsomer. Could I? Good gahd, yes.

We’ve now been married for thirteen years and he’s hotter than ever. ::dreamy-eyed sigh:: I finally did something right. If I hadn’t I’d probably still be single.

It’s a very good sign that your coworkers see it happening. Good luck! (How did your date go?)

[/Myra]

22

Loved your story, Myra. The date is tonight, but I’ll keep ypu posted! Thing is though, my situation is kinda the reverse of yours. The guy I have the date with is a really nice guy, sweet and caring, and comes highly recommended by a friend of mine (that’s sounds a bit weird - I mean recommended in the sense that he’s a good friend of her partner and she thinks he’s a great guy).The guy at work is a self-confessed womaniser, but says he’s always faithful when in a serious relationship and does want to settle down eventually. I think - and you’re all going to think I’m being really naive - that he would treat me decently as I beleive his feelings for me are genuine. But what if I’m wrong and in the process I blow a potentially good thing with the other guy?

23

Don’t date someone while you are working with that person. Period. Don’t. No.

If you’re temping, you’ll soon be gone and you can date him at will. Or else the company will hire you…

24

Good point, j.c. I, in fact, waited until my last day of work to ask Nice GuyTM out.

I believe my exact words were: “Well, this is my last day working here, so you’ll never see me again.”

::pause::

“Unless we have lunch.”

Like I said, priceless.

Didn’t mean to hijack your thread, Jennyrosity. How did your date go?

25

Well, you could mention to him that you don’t date/go out with people you work with & see what he has to say about that.

26

Damn, I’ve already written this once and it didn’t post. Let’s try again…
My date on Friday went really well. He’s a real gentleman - picked me up, paid for everything and saw me home with a (very nice) goodnight kiss. He’s not my usual type - he’s an accountant, I normally go for struggling creative types - but that’s probably a good thing as relationships with my normal type usually end in disaster. He’s sweet and funny - kinda quirky, which I like - and keen to see me again. We went to the cinema on Sunday and he’s taking me to dinner on Thursday.
But on Saturday I went out with the guy from work and had more fun than I’ve had in ages. It wasn’t a date - there was a big group of us and nothing happened, but we talked and laughed all night. He says he thinks we could have nothing but fun together in the future and wants to take me out tonight. He’s a hedonisitc drifter who drinks more than he should and has nothing much to show from his life other than a few adventures and a lot of good stories. In other words, he’s just like me!
Fellow dopers, what am I gonna do?!!

(Also, the work situation isn’t a problem. The management don’t have a problem with it, and I’m sure we’re both mature enough to handle it if it all went wrong).

27

Well of course I don’t know the exact people involved but one thing stands out to me. The work-guy is attracted to you and has said so. Given that you know he is a womaniser, can you be sure that the side you see of him isn’t just the one he’s making sure you see for his own carnal reasons?!

This:

“He says he thinks we could have nothing but fun together in the future and wants to take me out tonight. He’s a hedonisitc drifter who drinks more than he should and has nothing much to show from his life other than a few adventures and a lot of good stories.”

would worry me a little - because I think you know what he’s after. You don’t know quite what he’d be like after he’s got it.

As for pen and company ink - this is the 21st century people!! Most of us don’t have too many opportunities to meet people unless it’s at work. Providing you can live with the consequences if it all goes wrong then just lay back and enjoy it!!

28

Mellie: If you’re interested, I’ll be in my quarters at lunchtime covered in maple syrup.

Ace: Sorry Mellie, I don’t fraternize with the staff.

Mellie: I resign.

Ace: I’ll be there at 1300.

29

I have been involved in two workplace romances. One: darkly handsome, one NiceGuy. Unfortunatley, they were at the same workplace. Bad idea.

One resulted in the ruination of a very close friendship. I learned that sometimes the Nice Guys are better platonic friends then anything else. Sometimes they can’t deal with going from Close Friend/surrogate brother to love machine. I am no longer friends with this guy, and that sucks, but I also realise that it’s probably better that I know for SURE that we weren’t a good match then wondering.

The Darkly Handsome one resulted in an emotionally intense two year on-again/off-again relationship. The Great Love of my Young Life.

It was DEFINATELY not a good idea to get involved with two guys who both worked together and were buddies (not at the same time, one after another, but still…). But that’s more of a “don’t get involved with friends” thing. I ended up quitting in large part because of the “nice guy” who turned out not to be able to deal with me on a professional level after we had slept together. Which wasn’t a bad thing, that job was a bit too socially intense (we ALL worked together, and hung out together and it was too much drama) but it still affected my financial situation for a while and stuff.
So I guess the moral of the story is this: it doesn’t matter if management approves of your relationship or not: can YOU deal with this guy on a daily basis if it turns ugly? Think: not talking to each other. Whether you think that would happen or not is not really the issue: I didn’t think Nice Guy would react the way he did. Can YOU handle the uncomfortablility?