Need help with a speech... "Ways Grad School is Like a Game Show"

In My Humble Opinion
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So I’ve been asked to give a speech to aspiring undergraduates about graduate school. Knowing that such a speech has the potential of being boring beyond words, I’m going to do a multimedia presentation entitled “How Graduate School is Like a Game Show,” trading on my multiple game show appearances (two of which were in grad school) to hook 'em in.

Sounds engaging, right? Only I don’t have great hooks.

So far I have:

[ol]
[li]You need to tell a great story about yourself to get on a game show.[/li][li]Game shows are hyper-competitive.[/li][li]It helps to have fans cheering for you on a game show.[/li][li]Expect some setbacks when you go on a game show… but stick with it, the final round is based on your performance in all phases of the game…[/li][/ol]

Any other suggestions from the fertile minds of the SDMB?

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  1. Contestant is responsible for all fees, taxes and additional cost of prizes.

  2. Real life happenings can pre-empt your well-laid plans, just like a slow-speed police chase can pre-empt the broadcast of your episode of WoF.

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  1. You can look, but NO ONE gets to touch Vanna White.
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  1. Odds are good that you’ll get screwed over and leave with nothing due to completely random circumstances outside your control or because your competitors lucked out and got your prize.

Still working through the process here…

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Awesome stuff guys… silenus, sounds like you were in my grad program!

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  1. A lot more people play than win.

Yes, I am on the academic job market. Why do you ask?

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Heh – I was going to say the opposite:

x) Even marginal competitors still go home with a parting gift

(I’m thinking of that old joke, what do you call a person who graduates last in his class from medical school? “Doctor.”)

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Some people win the big prize. Most leave with the home version of the game as a consolation prize.

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Behind Door Number 3, $100,000 in Student Loan Debt!

Abraham Lincoln, John D Rockefeller, and Henry Ford.
Who are three men who never who never attended college, Alex?