Need hitman to kneecap 3 year-old: mothering advice needed.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My 3 yo started in a new school. She’s very shy, and usually very quiet.

There’s this kid in her class whom I’ll call G. G is a little hurricane, the kid can’t stay in the same spot for half a second, not particularly rare at that age though. My daughter told me about a week after school started “G hit me, mommy”. I asked her what happened and she said that G pushed her in the classroom. She mentioned it few times and I told her “it must have been an accident, he didn’t mean it, be nice to the other kids, etc.”

Today her teacher told me she fell in the playground and hit her forehead. She was taken to the infirmary, they put some cream on her forehead and didn’t call me because she seemed OK. My daughter bruises easily and it shows for days, she didn’t have a bruise, not even a little bump, so it doesn’t seem as if it was a big deal, though I certainly appreciate their caution.

When we got home she told me G had pushed her. “G pushed me in the playground, and I felt and got hurt”. Here’s the thing, the teacher mentioned nothing about that. I really give no much importance to these types of incidents. I am amazed that after two years in school she’s never showed up bruised or bitten. The new school has a lot fewer kids than her old one (12 kids for 2 teachers) and the staff seems very nice and competent.

I am ready to dismiss all this as nonsense, 3 yos are not exactly at the height of their intellect, or memory. G is just a kid, he’s actually shorter than my daughter, just a lot more active. I am not mad or anything, I am not even sure this is noteworthy.

Should I ask the teacher if that was really the case? Should I just forget about that unless she shows up bruised or something? Or should I pay this guy Vinny to kneecap G?*

*For the humour-impaired, I am joking.

2

Go ahead an bring it up with them, in a low-key “let’s get this thing solved” sort of way. We’ve found through the years that that approach works wonders.

It’s possible they have already talked with G.G.‘s parents and just didn’t bring it up with you because it’s really their (the parents’) issue to help deal with.

3

It depends. How much does Vinnie charge?

4

I just can’t believe they didn’t call for a bump to the head. In our school system, any bump to the head is automatically followed by a call home to the parents.

But I would go chat with the teacher first. See what he/she has to say. Then pay Vinny if it continues. :smiley:

5

Well, the thing is, this is a very small community. I have to live and see everybody all the time unless we move out. I don’t want to look like an idiot if it turns out nothing is really happening. I will be thought of as that “Black Hawk Mom”.

On the other hand, I don’t want to wait until some kid, or my daughter actually gets hurt by G. I am leaning towards the “wait and see” approach.

6

I don’t think it was inappropriate. I would have completely freaked out if I got such a call, and probably pissed if I show up and my daughter is perfectly alright. I think they did the right thing, took her to the doctor (not a nurse), the doctor said she was fine, she stopped crying and went back to playing and one hour later I picked her up. They told me and also noted it in her diary.

The thing is that my daughter said G. pushed her. Maybe the teacher didn’t see it (though I have to say they look like TSA agents when those kids are in the playground, so the chances are small). I don’t know if kids at that age lie, or just make up things and believe them.
Or maybe he did push her, for the second time. I have the local weekly news, I guess I’ll have to see where I can get a dead fish.

7

Three-year old children can be nasty little brutes - I’m more inclined to believe your daughter.

Another vote for chatting to the teacher in a “how can we fix this” manner. I would tell the teacher that you’re not sure about what’s actually happened, but since it’s been mentioned twice, you need to address it.

Next time you see G, give him ‘the look’. Keep Vinny on retainer.

8

There was a rotten kid who pushed me down in the bathroom in elementary school. I showed the teacher the chip of tooth he knocked off and she said, “Oh yes.” and did nothing.
Probably the beginning of my hatred and distrust of authority. :slight_smile:

My point being that apparently she disliked me and ignored the wrongdoing of another kid, so maybe it happens.

9

ITA on all points. (Thanks, maggenpye!) Since your daughter has said several times that G hit and shoved her, makes sense at least to give the teacher a heads-up. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. You don’t have to claim G is showing early warning signs of a potential mass murderer, shortly to be followed by arson and pet mutilation. So saying something like, “He’s just as adorable as Ted Bundy was at that age!” probably wouldn’t be the best opener.*

But hey, the teacher is responsible for all the kids under her care. If G has some burgeoning aggressive traits, could be other kids have come in for some too. And I’d think G’s parents would want it spotted too. Well, maybe not welcome the news exactly but better now when he’s three than a teenager who, say, runs down the principal in his mom’s Chevy Suburban.

So sweet reason and gentle concern with the teacher, but hell yeah, giving G your best Omniscient Parental Lidless Eye of Doom would be nice insurance.

*That’s a joke.

10

Unfortunately, you have to be that mom sometimes. I have a lot of experience in dealing with daycares and schools and bullying, and I have learned that right from the beginning, you have to establish yourself as a person that they (the staff) want to make happy. After a short time, they learn that they do NOT want to see me heading in the door pissed off. I’m not loud or crazy or unreasonable, but I don’t take any shit when it comes to how my children are treated. In this day and age, bullying should not be tolerated. The public schools here have a zero-tolerance approach to bullying- why should daycare be any different? Helpful hint: Imagine yourself as a mamasaurus, with your arms up and your hands into claws, all scary and mean. That is what your 3 year-old daughter needs right now.

I would approach a supervisor with the question, “How do you deal with chronic bullying by a child?” and explain to her what has been going on. Don’t deal with the “teacher”, deal with her boss, and let her know in no uncertain terms that this is not okay with you and needs to be fixed in whatever way possible.

11

The Hell were you when I was getting my teeth kicked out on the bathroom floor?
:slight_smile:

12

His prices are reasonable. I get a volume discount. :slight_smile:
I guess I will have to speak to the teacher. I am really loath to do that, it doesn’t feel nice to accuse a 3 yo, and I understand that he does not do this by design. I just wonder how I should approach this conversation.

13

Even if it’s not bullying, but just a rambunctious kid getting over-excited, that’s no reason to ignore your daughter’s complaint. She’s a small child who’s looking to you to protect her, I think it’s your responsibility to do so, regardless of what the other mothers may whisper behind your back.

Good luck, I hope it all works out.

14

My son is 4, and he is not very aggressive, but not shy either. Last year he went to preschool 2 days a week for a few hours. He was getting hit, and slapped by 2 boys from day one! I knew it because I saw it.
So I stayed and watched. It was the teachers 2 sons doing all the hitting! UGH.
I am also in a very small community(pop.400), and didn’t want to start the year off being the aggressive mom.
I also know he will be in school with these kids for the next 13 years or so, unless we move.

We taught our son to say very loudly, “STOP HITTING ME”! That not only stops the kid in their tracks it often gets the attention of the teacher, who usually isn’t looking.
That works very well. After a few bad incedents we also told him it was fine to push the kid away as he said, stop hitting me. And as a last resort we finally told him to hit him back and good if he didn’t let up.

Now, one of the boys doing most of the hitting was not even 3. My son was 4. So size and age isn’t always a factor. The other brother was almost 5, and didn’t hit as much, but was sneaky mean. He would look to see if his mom/teacher was looking, and if not give a kid a big pinch or something. I caught him doing that more than once, and went right up to him, smiled and said. “I saw that, you better stop it.”
His mother was all full of empty threats, so the kids ran all over her.

Thankfully my son isn’t in their grade, so he really only sees them at recess now, if then.
But this year another little guy is hitting him now and then. He is just very aggressive, and is doing it to everyone. My son has been dealing with it much better this year, however, and so far I am staying out of it.

I talk to my son a lot, ask questions, and keep on top of things incase I have to talk to the teacher later, but I really want my boy to learn how to deal with this and nip it in the bud on his own.

Not sure if any of this is helpful…I am still learning too. My husband and I agonized over what to do for a weeks last fall. My husband actually wanted to pull our son out of the preschool right away. We were paying for it…paying for him to be beat up by the teachers two little goons! :dubious: But again, in this small town, I didn’t want that label(quitters), right away either.

Good luck with the hitter!

15

Teach her how to push back. Yeah, I know, not very touchy feely of me, but I’ve had my middle boy choked at school by the same kid who had terrorized him since kinder. The boy was summarily expelled after the choking incident (4th grade), but I got grief for not being understanding of his home life. Amazing what “I’ll sue your asses” can bring about. If the boy doesn’t learn boundaries now, he’ll not know them when he’s older.

If he’s not doing it out of malice and just because he’s reckless and hyper, then the teachers need to know so they can redirect/channel his energy.

Good luck.

16

Bring it up with the teachers - trust me, it’s no biggie. I taught preschool for two years. Sometimes the kids will give parents detail they won’t give the teachers. Sometimes those details are truthful, and sometimes they’re not, but there’s no harm in letting the teacher know what your daughter’s saying.

We had one girl who was extremely shy. I can’t remember the exact situation, but I think she might have fallen or something. I asked her what happened, and she said she just fell, but when she went home, she told her mom a boy had pushed her (which turned out to be true, if I recall correctly). I think the girl just wasn’t comfortable telling us as much as she’d tell her mom, but once we realized this, we all talked to her about how she could tell us anything - we were here to help her.

Communication - it’s a good thing!

On the flip side, some of our kids figured out right away who the “troublemakers” were, and anytime they got in trouble, they would blame those kids! It’s quite impressive, the ways little kids find to be clever :slight_smile:

17

Nah you want Rebecca De Mornay.

She’ll sort the little buggers out

18

You don’t need to go in accusing anyone of anything. Don’t go in with a pre-judgement. Present the facts as you know them - this is what your daughter told you and it concerns you. You’d like to get their feedback. Period. Let the teachers take it from there. Then if you’re not satisfied, you can arrange to observe the class for an hour or so and get a firsthand look. Then, if you’re still not satisfied… you could always bring in a *special *snack…

19

Or, thisbloke.

20

There’s a fifty-fifty chance G likes your daughter, you know.