Need some good advice from smart folks, re personal ads and good woman, free pics

In My Humble Opinion
1

If this is long you can shoot me later, but it seems I can type faster than I can talk.

So, I haven’t been over on this board all that much, I come here when I just want to read about general stuff, simple feel good stuff, stuff I don’t have to think about too much, and apparently when I do post I’m pretty good at pissing a few people off, unintentional.

To the post… since this is where I come for more personal stuff, its been a while, but I haven’t needed advice in a while.

Seriously, this is going to get long(lots of ground to cover), I’ll try to keep it shorter than a King novel. If you guys/girls can stay awake, I would really appreciate some feedback.

Me, 34(I still feel like I’m 18) several long term relationships, high school sweety for 6 years(simply grew apart), a year off(mostly), a fruit loop nut case for 4 years, and then five years of pretty much being a hermit. I passed up on some good things(looking back) due to fear of crazy woman, had some good times, but kept it very very short. Then about a year and a half ago, I hooked up with a friend that I knew for many years. It wasn’t planned, it was fun, but its over due to circumstances beyond either one of our control. Sum total, a very good experience.

So now I’m not so scared of woman, or I should say I’m not scared of them shoving it clean up my Hoo-Hoo for no reason, I’m not scared of the magically reappearing steak knife under the pillow or the checks on my account in girly writing I never wrote, or the landlord not getting paid with money I put up, more horid experiences etc…

So, I’ve decided that I like woman again, there are just a whole bunch more positives than negatives. I enjoy cooking for somebody that is going to care, I enjoy somebody cooking for me that cares. I love that stupid smile when you go to their house, do their dishes, scrub their floor, and cook them dinner before they get home from work, I love how I feel when the same was done for me.

Things I’ve learned, is this getting too long yet?? Not all woman are jealous of your cat. Laying in bed one night, cat was going nuts because I hadn’t been home in a few days. She(the one who taught me woman are OK) said roll over and hold your kitty and I’ll hold you(she[the cat] always slept in my armpit through the hermit years, and my hand had to be on her belly, at least 'til I was asleep). That was cooler than shit, a woman that wasn’t jealous of my cat, and didn’t insist that I had to “cuddle” with them and they were more than happy “cuddling” with me. I miss the good sleep of the dead I have when I’m with a good woman.

I’m not some wierd cat freak, we just had/have our traditions, she’s even cool about woman sleeping over. She stays away until the fun is over(I think she watches). Then calmly lays down wherever my hand happens to be so I can put it on her increasingly large belly. But if I haven’t been home for a bit, she can be a royal pain and needs to squeeze up into my chest and armpit.

A few more points before I actually ask a question. First, I don’t want to control anybody, I have a hard enough time doing that for myself, why would I want to double that responsibility, not saying I’m crazy and can’t control myself, I just want somebody that is independant and can make their own decisions, with support of course, and vise versa.

The other thing I know I need is a woman with some ambition and passion. Somebody with a goal, something they want to accomplish. I’ve seen too many people just chugging through life, not giving a rats ass. I’ll take my $6.50 an hour, live in my trailer and not shoot for anything greater. Nothing wrong with the job or trailer, as long as she’s working on something, doesn’t matter what, even if its making $8.50 an hour being in charge of the $6.50 an hour people, she wants something, go get it, I’ll stand behind them and help any way I can and probably enjoy watching the journey more than they do traveling it. Not monetary$$$ that just happened to be the example, finger paint, drive old people around, volunteer at the soup kitchen, doesn’t matter, just passion for something.

I get more enjoyment out of seeing somebody I care about being happy and working towards something they want than I do out of me doing good. Sounds queer, but its true, to me that is exciting. How do you put that in a personal ad without looking like you just want a rich woman???

Quicky about me, I’m about 254 and shrinking, 6 foot, red hair that goes to strawberry blond somewhere around my reproductive organs, and is blonde by the time it reaches my feet. I smoke, though I hate it and want to quit again, I quit for 4 years I can do it again, I like beer. I work too much, I own my own business(50% plus a partner, a good friend from way way back) and its going really well. 2 really dumb dogs and a cat(the dogs sleep outside).

Now that you all are asleep, I can ask questions. How do you put all that, and thats only part of what is inside my fat head, into a personal ad? I don’t hit the bars much anymore, and thats probably not the best place to find a good woman anyways, I’ve proven that. I don’t exactly have co-workers anymore and all(most) of my true friends are all on the other side of the country or at work with me. Tough to meet people that way.

I’m sure this has been covered, but what do you say in an e-mail to somebody on a personals site. you can’t go down to the lowest common denominator and say “I want to breed with you” because really that is all your saying, how do you say that politely?

What do you put up for pics? I’ve noticed that some people put up stupid stuff or one pic from 10 years ago and then now, jeckyl and hyde type of thing. What about pets, I took on the responsibility of having and caring for them, they are part of my little family, so they where I go. Do you put up pics of them?

Took some pics the other night at about 1am after being up for 21 hours, horrible, but my friend put them on a few sites anyways, and pumped in a credit card #. I was sweaty stinky and tired, and still working. same clothes for two days since I just stayed at the shop, and I may have had a beer or two.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3066/2789196636_8793c81f42.jpg?v=0

A not so bad pic from wedding a few weeks ago. I’m not short, the other dude is just really tall, and my forehead is getting really big, I hate looking at photos of myself.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3027/2788237969_d9a1b60764.jpg?v=0
dogs

cat.

Random toad for no reason.

link to more pics, most are boring as hell, mostly work related stuff.

Imgur

Sorry for the extremely long post, hopefully you get a chuckle out my balding head and that makes up for the long read. I’m just sort of at a loss. Seems at my age everybody is all married and holed up, so its hard to meet people there, and working with just one other person in a town of less than 2000 people with the nearest stoplight 40 miles away doesn’t help either.

2

You’re not a bad looking guy. Actually, you look a little like William Hurt. You could probably stand to lose a little weight, but who couldn’t? Don’t worry about your looks. Women don’t give a shit about them, so don’t event think about it.

Don’t use the first of the two pictures. It’s not a good picture.

3

I’ve been told that women who describe themselves as Bubbly are usually mouthy and boring,Cuddly…overweight,Seek generous Gent …gold diggers,Have been hurt before …weepy and neurotic,Seek professional Gent …are “working women”
Hope this isn’t too depressing for you and its only what I’ve been told so it could well be wrong.

4

Go to OKCupid, which is a free site. Fill out the profile form, which asks a series of questions. Answer them honestly, without worrying about being funny or clever – don’t give smartass answers to them, don’t say “LOL” or “:D” or use exclamation points. If one of the questions seems too stupid to answer, skip it, don’t comment on it – you won’t be able to come up with anything original about “most personal thing you’re willing to admit here.” When talking about yourself, leave out all the details about your history – not all that relevant, frankly, since anyone over the age of 30 has presumably had some kind of history as well.

Post the second picture, which is much more flattering. It’s a really good “this is what I look like” kind of picture. If you have other pictures of you that would provide conversational openings, post them as well – for instance, I have a weird self-portrait of myself in the mirror of an old scientific gadget, and another that Doper Cleophus took at a 19th-century prison turned tourist spot here in Philly, both of which give guys a chance to say “what/where is that?” in a first email. Don’t post pix of your pets in your profile – you can mention them if you like, and there’s a journal feature at OKC where you can post their pix if it’s important to you, but they don’t belong on your main profile page.

There are thousands of mulitple choice questions about your likes and dislikes – answer a bunch. This will provide a little more background on you – a lot of women look at match percentages when trying to decide whether or not to communicate with you. Again, answer honestly – and remember, if you don’t care what the other person says, you can check “irrelevant” so that there will be a match there regardless of her answer. (For instance, if the question is “would you date a martian,” answer it for yourself, so if she is a martian she’ll know whether you’re a possibility or not – but if you yourself are not a martian, the fact that the other person would or would not is probably irrelevant to you, unless you are so prejudiced against martians that you can’t imagine dating someone who doesn’t hate them.) If the answer is so dumb or polarized to answer with the options given – and a lot of them are – just skip it.

Once you’ve got your profile put together, you can post a link here – a lot of people have gotten helpful feedback while working on their profiles. Otherwise, just start searching on the site. If you see someone who looks interesting, write her a polite email saying “Hi, I noticed in your profile that you [like such and such, or have read such and such, or whatever it is that seems interesting to you].” Then ask a question to give her something to talk about in a return email. You may or may not get a return email (sigh), but making it easier for her to respond will improve your chances.

After that, it depends – sometimes there’s an exchange of emails that just peters out; sometimes there’s a move to the phone (offer her your number first); sometimes a phone conversation leads to meeting for coffee. It’s all a numbers game, alas – try not to get too emotionally invested in the results and just let the process be what the process is.

Hope this helps.

5

As far as your main photo, keep in mind that the background isn’t what women are going to paying attention to. You want most of the frame to be filled with you. The biggest difference I’ve seen between casual snapshots and photos taken by professionals is that snapshots have a whole lot of background and an itty-bitty person in the very center of the photo.

Here are two random examples from a complete stranger:

Itty-bitty person in the center of the frame

Person filling a bit more of the frame

Neither of them are super great photos, but they illustrate the point well. The first photo I linked shows off the setting well enough and is good for a vacation photo, but isn’t really the best photo of the person’s mom. The second photo fills the frame a bit better with the person’s mom. Try to go for something more like the second photo. If all else fails, you can always just crop out some of the background.