I won’t bother saying it’s not MINE, since who’ll believe me anyway (although if y’all knew me, you’d know I enjoy a long hike about as much as I enjoy eating crushed glass)?
I will tell you that the gal whose ad it is feels like it sounds “too serious and nerdy and not active enough.” She wants it to better reflect her sardonic wit.
And where better to find sardonic wit than the SDMB?
So… suggestions?
*I’ve lived in a lot of different places and met lots of interesting people. These different experiences have helped to shape the person I am today. I am passionate about my job (I laugh every single day), my friends and my family (not necessarily in that order). I have learned that I need a good balance of all of these things to make my life work. I love road trips, rollerblading or skating, good books, college basketball, crossword puzzles, baseball (you get extra points if you know who the Scooter is) John Cusack movies and long hikes. I’m independent and have goals that I still want to achieve (like learning to play the guitar, knit or knowing what my carburetor really does). My friends accurately describe me as easy-going and really fun to be around. I would also add that I’m an honest person, loyal to a fault, and a good listener. I throw a great party, I have a big heart, I love excitement and those quiet times spent reading the Sunday paper. I am ready to meet someone who is energetic and willing to share their life with me as much as I am with them. *
I personally like it. I’d certainly date her if I were a young single stud muffin… but, then, I have the benefit of knowing that she’s a hot tamale, so it’s hard for me to look objectively at this ad. Since y’all can… share. Do. It’ll be fun.
call it shallow, because, well, it IS shallow, but you need that person’s age and an approximate body type at the very minimum.
Is this going online where that stuff will already be provided and this is just a “tell us more about yourself” section? Or is that paragraph the whole tamale for the hot tamale?
Overall the ad seems good. It tells quite a bit about her. Sure she can “spice it up” a bit, but if that’s who she really is then that’s who she should come across as. Those that don’t feel like wading through a whoooooole paragraph probably don’t want to get to know her anyway.
If this is an online personal, she’s got plenty of room: I suggest stories.
Like:
Best Day Ever: [what follows is a story of a fantastic day – it can illustrate what she likes to do, and doesn’t necessarily have to be completely true.]
Favorite story: [what follows is a fable or folktale or joke or something; it should illustrate her sense of humor and/or aesthetic sensibility]
My first act as supreme ruler of the univers: [what follows is a silly set of edicts, illustrating whimsical things she likes and/or pet peeves.]
I did the personals thing for awhile. There’s so many people writing straightforward, unironic “about me” descriptions that it’s easy for them to all blend into one nervously self-congratulatory mass. Write something different, weird, intriguing, to catch folks’ attention.
It’s charming, the minor problem I see:
Alot of cars don’t have carburetors anymore, there’s nothing even remotely exciting about knitting & the Rizzuto reference is way too easy.
The major problem:
In a (I believe I counted) 10 sentence ad, 9 sentences go on to describe the type of person she is (which is all good and fine). However, only 1 sentence gives the reader (or possible respondant) any idea of what she looks for in a date / companion. That, in my opinion, gives the appearance of being non-selective or possibly even a little desperate. She’s the one soliciting a date, she’s in the drivers seat. The ad and should set stricter (but polite & humorous) guidelines as to what she’s looking for. It’s either that or else she’ll have to do an awful lot of unneccesary weeding.
How about dropping the whole thing and replacing it with:
Single, blonde hair, blue eyed , 135 pound, 38 D breasted , 29 year old woman, nypmphomaniac/cocaine dealer/ferrari dealership owner seeks not yet divorced abusive alcoholic for long term and fulfilling relationship. Major sexual dysfunctions a plus. If you are even marginally attractive or successful please do not apply.
I have lived all over, including X, Y, and Z. I loved X because . . ., I learned alot in Y because . . . ., and I will never forget Z because . . . .
Drop the other sentence: redundant.
I’m lucky enough to have a job I love. Most people think that (what I do: be as specific as you can!) are (whatever}, but that’s not true: the fact is, my job involves {whatever), and I am (almost) always eager to (whatever).
Family comes first with me, but over the years my closest friends become family.
Cut this . . .cliche
I love road trips: my favoirte one was to X, with Y. I rollerblade in the [place] at least once a [time period]; last summer I hiked [placename]. and this summer I plan to go to [place name]. I read [number] books a [time period], and my favorite authors are blank, blank, and blank. I do the [name?] crossword puzzle every [timeperiod]. My favorite sports are college basketball and professional baseball–I like the blanks and the blanks (you get extra points if you know who the Scooter is). My favorite movies all seem to have John Cusack in them.
In the next couple years, I want to learn how to knit and how to take my car apart and put it back together again. An learn to play guitar like (name). Longer term, I want to . . .
I’m looking for someone who can take a joke and who can keep up with me: someone who understands that the important things in life are doing things you enjoy (everything from hosting parties to curling up with the Sunday crossword puzzle), not fretting over details or looking on the dark side of life. I am looking for someone who shares some of my interests and has some interests of their own: I think a balence of sharing and independence is the key to keeping the spark alive.
I like Manda Jo’s suggestions. Use specifics – the more attention-grabbing, the better (to an extent – if she swallows live mice to frighten children, she may want to leave that out). The more her ad says, “I like doing things that people like, and I consider the following generically good qualities to be generically good about me,” the likelier she is to get responses from people who think, “what the hell – she’s worth a try,” instead of responses from people who think, “wow! she kicks ass!”
Manda JO, you kick ass. I’m going to give her all of your ideas and pass them off as my own, so that I may pretend to be as wise as you are.
OK, just kiddin’.
Still, I’d say that aside from the part about always being eager to do [whatever] on her job, we’ve got a winner! (She teaches Middle School kids… gotta be careful with comments like that! )
Thanks… gotta go email my friend…
Oh, and drachillix and Violet… we’ll save your suggestions for if the others don’t work…
The first two lines of the original sound like the start of a college entrance essay – the version that you rip up and fire at the wastebasket across the room in a sweet arc that bounces off the rim and rolls under the bureau. No detail and they’d apply to almost anyone.
I misread the third line as “I laugh at my friends and family every day.” I liked reading it that way better.
The original is completely lacking in sardonic wit.
Someone needs a more interesting list of goals. Guitar is OK, but learning what a carburetor does will take the better part of 5 minutes of Google time. And no one under sixty wants to meet someone who knits. It’s not a turn-off – just not something a guy and a girl do together. Unless he’s a computer geek – then they knit and Perl.
I’d say that “rated as hot tamale by close friend” is the most compelling thing about the ad.
When I was doing the personals add thing, about 7 or 8 years ago, my add went like this:
I like SEX SEX SEX! with a caring monogomous man. I’m looking for a sensitive guy aged 18-25. I like gardening, hiking and computers. I’m 21, blonde, petite and pretty.
If they called and didn’t laugh at the add, that was a good sign they were a dud. If they did laugh, they were always at least nice guys, some of them were real catches!
The most amusing personal ad I’ve ever read was one in which a guy said, “Seeking [blah blah blah] to join me twice a week for a morning jog, followed by a nice lunch and sex together afterwards.”
I cracked up. But I didn’t respond to the ad… hey, was that YOU???
Here’s one I wrote awhile ago that got a lot of responses…I hope it helps, but I don’t think it’s descriptive of your friend:
I am a scientist/artist- one and the same, really. I live in a strange world where monuments speak to me, particulary Mr. Lincoln in Washington DC. This world contains rats and frogs and turtles that fly, and fruit that explodes in your mouth. You can wear shoes on your feet and pants on your head and it’s ok in my world. I will beat you at chess, but I am abysmal at checkers- I don’t don’t near those things. My room is crawling with armadillos, rats and turtles. Some of them can fly. I have various pickled specimen jars along my windowsill. My room is my studio and my laboratory. I’m looking for someone who has an interesting bedroom, because one’s room says a lot about them. Messy is fine. I’m looking for someone who lives in a similar David Lynch-like world, but is also able to relate to my own. Someone who will watch the Perseid Meteor shower with me is very desirable.
