Sorry, I am not your monkey (Responses to personal ads)

Here’s the thing: I KNOW I’m smart and funny and interesting and have a great voice and something to say and you’d be very entertained by me. And even though I’m completely aware of all that, I also appreciate being told that over and over and over again, it’s very pleasant.

BUT… I grow soooooo weary of men who get that completely, and still think that any one of the following responses is worth the time it takes me to read it or hear it (depending)

“You sound really interesting. I’d love to talk to you. I’m 6’, brown eyes, in shape. Let’s talk!” -let’s not

“Your ad is really interesting and unusual, I think I’d love to talk to you. I live in the 213 area, I’m 44, single, just looking for some fun. Let me know if I sound interesting to you.” Not in the slightest

“Great ad. Here’s my number. Call me.” No.

And so on, and so forth.

If you are smart and conscious enough to recognize and appreciate how smart and conscioud I am, why on earth would you think I would have the slightest interest in you after that kind of communication, eh?

Let me make this clear: because I AM interesting and intelligent, I find being alone with my interesting self a much more appealing option than spending even a moment with someone who has as little to say as you do, bub. Seriously. I find the idea of keeping you entertained completely uninteresting.

And while I’m on the subject, let me tell all you guys the things that make you instantly uninteresting:

  1. Saying you’re bored. It’s the equivalent of announcing you are boring. I am never bored, because I get to be with me. What is someone who can’t even keep himself entertained bringing to the party that I would have any interest in? I’m thinkin’ a whole lotta nuthin’. Again, not your monkey.

  2. Telling me or the world (in your own ad) that you are funny. Let me explain about funny. More than any other single personality trait, funny speaks for itself. Funny MUST speak for itself. Not least because funny is very subjective. So while many people will find you funny, many others won’t. And I promise you that I will probably NOT find you funny. So if you ARE funny, just BE funny, don’t SAY you are funny…saying you’re funny pretty much guarantees that you are NOT funny.

  3. Same goes for sense of humor. (which is different than funny, and if you don’t understand that, you are not bright enough to bother about in the first place)

  4. It is a rare, rare person that does NOT like to have fun. So saying you like to have fun is the definition of lame. And meaningless. And generic. And I don’t care, except that it does tell me how lame and meaningless and generic you are, so I get to avoid you.

  5. Walks on the beach…WALKS ON THE FUCKING BEACH??? YOU are fucking KIDDING me, right? Get outta my face before I slap you.

  6. “Fine dining” - Yer pretty special then, cuz most of us prefer Taco Bell.

  7. “haha” triggers my gag reflex. I’m sure it’s just me, but I’m just letting you know. So does LOL. In fact, LOL is worse, and will probably earn you an instant deletion. Anyone who types LOL is essentially managing to project their nervous laughter into their writing, ew. (And if not, you’re simply a dork, and I mean that in a really, really bad way.)

  8. Taking the time to put in your ad/profile “no game players” is jsut stamping your forehead “stupid”. Think about it.

Here’s a tip: before you put together your list of qualities, traits and interests, consider each one in this light: would most people be willing to cop to the OPPOSITE of this quality or trait in a personal ad? If the answer is pretty much “no fuckin’ way”, you can consider it a given, utterly generic, uninteresting, and completley useless in enhancing your appeal to anyone who is an interesting person themselves.

I was goingto put in the effort to explain ways to actually be more interesting and write better ads, but I’m not gonna bother, I’m just here to bitch.

And I’m done, back to work.

One wonders why you’re bothering with a personal ad. Wouldn’t it be cheaper and ever so much more fulfilling just to buy a mirror to take to dinner and a movie?

I agree 100%

My take, too.

By the by, what the hell do you have on your ad? If it includes any implication that you’re smart, funny and/or interesting, I might just keel over from the irony.

I know exactly where Stoid is coming from with this. I am never (well, hardly ever) bored when I am alone and left to my own devices. I am, however, lonely sometimes, and I do not want to spend the rest of my life alone.

Thread starter: u sound kewl. LOL! call me!

So, how you doin’?

Most of you what? In fact, there is a contingent that prefers fast food to L’Auberge Chez Francois.

Unless you were not being sarcastic, in which case I have to inform you that’s there’s a contingent that prefers L’Auberge Chez Francois to Taco Bell.

Either way, I don’t get the dismissal of this piece of info. It’s relevant to discover if a potential date likes coat-and-tie dining, or places where your flip-flops and a T-shirt is all the “dressy” needed.

I know exacty what he means too. If the first thing you say to someone when you meet him/her is “I’m looking for new friends because I’m bored”, then I don’t particularly want to be saddled with the responsibility of entertaining you.

All on my own, I can find some cool stuff to do and have fun. I rarely get bored.

Funny Interesting Gal with a GREAT sense of humor. Feeling really bored and looking for fun LOL! I like walks on the beach and fine dining. Looking for a serious relationship – no game players please!

Wow. You ARE awesome! I think I’d like to hang out with you.

Put this, word for word, on your online dating profile. I guarantee it’ll cut way down on those unwanted messages.

So, tell us what would make some good responses? :confused:

I do not see why people do not write this on their profile.

Okay, there’s some sort of meta/self referential whoosh type thing going on, and I’m not too proud to say that it went right over my head. But this would have made sense to me if the OP was actually funny.

Why am I am beginning to think that it isn’t the worst thing that could happen to a person? A nice lonely walk on the beach would be nice right around now.

Or if they’re like me and like the food from coat-and-tie places but like stretching the limits of the dress code as much as possible at the same time.

Damn! That was harsh! Nothing wrong with being comfortable with who you are. Face it, guys are a dime a dozen, the ladys hold all the cards. I say hold out for a good one.

::cough::

Oh and for the record I love to walk along the beach with that someone special. You’ve got that warm steady breeze, the sun setting behind the castle and it’s like you’re the only two people in the world.

OK so I’m a soppy sod, Bite me :slight_smile:

From Stoid’s SDMB Profile… (italics mine)

The irony! It burns!!

Nah, I totally agree with Jodi. I have some sympathy for being awash in poorly-spelled, ungrammatical, thinly veiled requests for sex after posting a personals, but insulting what appears to be perfectly courteous, reasonably intelligent men because their initial email to you is not sufficiently thrilling? Sheesh! Considering that the response rates even to men’s well crafted emails is probably less than 1 in 20 I can’t blame them for not writing a lengthy missive for an initial contact. If they did they’d spend all their time writing rather than cultivating the interesting traits she wants.