If you were to post an honest personal ad, what would it say?
Mine would say something like this:
“33, blonde, mostly trim, bitch, can be aggressive at times, one small son, always hard working and dedicated, pot smoker, and usually easy to be around seeks male of similiar temperment that is not a flake, can keep a job, is not a drunk, and exhibits minimal assholic behavior.”
15, slim, average boobs, cruly-haired brunette with big, innocent-looking brown eyes, often called pretty, bad temper when pissed, tendency to be bitchy, hard-worker, over-achiever, perfectionist, very loving and affectionate, very passionate, persuasive, and caring; looking for a guy whose passionate, caring, has no addictions to harmful substances, is funny, cute, intelligent, charming, faithful, and perfectly compatable with me.
“21, male, scrawny pale computer geek. Clingy, insecure, and desperate. Seeking something vaguely female for something vaguely like affection. Will take nearly any offer.”
The reason I’m asking - I’d like to start a website somewhere, with only honest ads on it. I betchya that there are plenty o’ people out there that are sick of bullshit, bars, and chatrooms…
45, Overweight, lazy male. Full beard, thick glasses. No sense of style. Enjoys movies, long slow walks, cuddling, foreplay without sex. Sex with lots of foreplay.
BlackKnight, take me now! swoons 
19, small Asian girl with short eyelashes and tiny feet. Compulsive shopper and prune eater. May blink sweetly or miaow at you for shopping money. Seeks male with huge feet and lots of stamina … to keep up with shopping expeditions. Hates walks on the beach because they ruin her shoes.
Computer Dork and Music Geek 22 seeks woman. Must enjoy random references that may or may not make sense, or at least not be annoyed by them. I enjoy stupid comedy, British television, and sitting in front of a cathode ray tube for hours on end, clicking pretty colored things to make pretty things happen. Preferably nonsmoker.
32 year old kid- spends money on stupid stuff, is a computer geek, virgin, a sometimes pain-in-the-ass, and an occasionally crotchety old man. Actually likes long walks on the beach, and will travel to do so. Hates crowds, the DMV, mind games, and telemarketers that haven’t been tormented enough yet.
Shy, single 41 year old gay male workaholic engineer seeks like minded individual who can stand that I’m a little fat, don’t work out, smoke cigars occasionally and once in a while lapse into either “Star Trek” or “Monty Python” dialogue…
If you’re the one-in-ten-million stud-boy that actually cares about substance over style, then I’m your guy!
GWM, almost 21, body ordinary in every respect but face reasonably handsome, bespectacled. I may not be Michelangelo’s David but at least I’ll fuck you instead of stand around and look pretty and bitch at everyone for looking at me. I am a New Democrat, non-smoker, non-drinker, and Pagan. I insist on tolerance for my occasional insecurities and fascinating but excessively abstruse hobbies, as well as honesty and sexual openness. I make no guarantees about whom I’ll find attractive but the limits are broader than you think. Give it a try!
Old fat ugly white guy, with a smart mouth, but an even temper. Seeks slim fit georgous young thing to hang around with me and drive other guys crazy wondering what you see in me. Platonic only, please. Bimbos OK.
Tris
Shy, lazy, bearded computer geek with reportedly good sense of humor, 33. Loves to dance (touch-dancing only, please), watch movies, ski, and cook. Reasonably secure but somewhat desperate for affection. Politically liberal, but doesn’t talk politics unless severely provoked. Probably drinks a bit too much, non-smoker. I’ll never hit you, cheat on you, or steal from you, and I’ll call when I say I will.
Seeks a woman who isn’t shy, is affectionate and enthusiastic. Race, hair color, height and weight not important, but must be able to hold an intelligent conversation. No smokers, fundamentalists, or wackjobs, please. I’d like to say age isn’t important, but shouldn’t be much more than 10-15 years older or 5-7 years younger. Oh, and must love dogs and cats.
Neurotic, anxious 26 year old woman with enough nervous energy to power the city of New York. I live with mom and dad, and leaving the house scares me. Tall and painfully skinny, prefer men of similar stature. Trek geek, internet freak, with too many books to count. Non-drinker; prescription drug addict. Must be able to handle my nervous babble and figeting, and capable of consuming mass quantities of coffee, black. Oh, and you’ve got to pick me up cuz I’m scared to drive too far.
22 y.o. recluse female, severe workaholic and somewhat unpredictable artist, geek, capable of being either extremely introverted or extremely loud and obnoxious. Predisposed to stress, anxiety and panic attacks. Likes to talk incessantly. Petite and modest figure, neither overly big nor anorexically skinny, dirty blonde hair, light brown eyes. Loves attention. Non-smoker and non-drinker, likes travel, Star Trek, computers, mathematics, science, history, and someone who can dress up to look good next to a girl in a top hat. Prefers tall, skinny, highly-intelligent male geeks. Individuals into sports, of a religion, or with facial hair need not apply.
19, female, bi-curious, slightly neurotic intelligent woman. 6’ tall and well proportioned, kind of shy till you get to know me. I smoke but am quitting now (truly I am! I resisted the urge to buy smokes today!), enjoys going out drinking but not to get drunk, loves karaoke, pool, books, long conversations about everything and nothing, camping and just hanging out. Seeking funny intelligent guy (or gal!) who will call, has similar interests but enough differences to be interesting, close to my height is nice but not a requirement. Interested in sex but not solely so, ready to accomodate when I get bitchy and horny.
40ish gainfully employed WF, NS with a soft body and a hard heart seeks NS male 25-55 who is honest, intelligent and emtionally stable for good times and possibly a long term relationship.
44 year old DWM 6’3" - 240 lbs large and ridiculously strong. Shared custody daddy to 11 year son and 15 year daughter. Bored but not boring professional. Personality swings between tin plated dictator with delusions of godhood to abject cluelessness, but tends to be distractable and quizzical happy warrior most of the time. I don’t enjoy long walks on the beach. I prefer snuggling on the living room couch with good coffee and the Sunday paper or short walks in the woods and necking in the car afterwards. I also give bad poetry. Tend to be a “fixer” both mechanically and emotionally and thus mainly attract women with giant shipping containers full of “issues”, but have always had a embarrassing secret desire to date a sane women who can make good veggie lasagna, make me go to more concerts and college theatre productions and tell me when I’m full of it - I’m so ashamed.
27, SWM, 6’3" 215lbs. Average appearance, glasses, receding hairline. Non-smoker, social drinker, non-religious, poor housekeeper. No children. Laid back. Sarcastic, verbally blunt, brutally honest, I won’t lie to make anyone feel better, but I know when to keep my mouth shut. Closeted misanthrope. Interested in history, science, comedy, fiction, computers, rock, folk and classical music, movies, theater. Seeking single woman with no children and no plans for children, age 21-35, non-smoker, non-religious, good sense of humor, likes reading, outdoor activities, and long talks about varied subjects. No psychos, no head games, please.
GWF, 19, seeking female, pref. human.
Bitchy, jaded, perpetually tired, chunky-ass redhead looking for someone to bitch at other than her husband.
No, I don’t fucking like Pina Coladas!