Neighbor is trying to confront me about complaint i made

im in my early 20s he is late 40s
i made a complaint to the landlord about him stomping around in shoes and bouncing a ball? on the floor. He has no consideration for me down here what so ever and i believe he has laminate flooring which is against the tenancy agreement.

i live in a converted house so there is one front door and my flat door and he has a flat door too.

I put his post on the side and noticed a letter from the housing association (UK) Im assuming this was the complaint i made as when he got home from work he was banging down my door, i also got a letter from he landlord to say they have written to him.
he knocked about 15times and rang my doorbell 2 times.
i felt really disturbed tbh i dunno why he thinks he can confront me like this, my own family dont even knock on my door like this.

I was thinking of calling the police if he does it again, should i?
or should i just confront him and tell him to fuck off?

i know if i was a man or if i had visitors he wouldnt of done this.
certain people get brave when you are a lone female.
im pregnant as well and my boyfriend isnt even in the country to deal wit this for me.

what would u do?

  1. As a courtesy, I would have mentioned your concerns to your neighbour directly rather than go to the landlord. I would be upset if somebody complained to the landlord before letting me know they had concerns.

  2. I would give your neighbour an opportunity to hear their side of the story. There may be circumstances you don’t understand and he perhaps doesn’t understand your concerns.

  3. You are under no obligation to talk to somebody you don’t wish to talk to and who frightens you. You could work this out through your landlord or escalate this issue to the police if you feel threatened. However, I think escalating this to a police matter would leave little chance that you and your neighbour could reach an amicable agreement.

Make another complaint to the landlord. Under no circumstances is he to enter your house.

I’m a firm believer that your first interaction with a neighbor/co-worker should never be confrontational. You first establish a friendly relationship. Wave to the them in the parking lot/street, say “Hi” to them when pass them. If they live directly above or adjacent to me, I might even bring them a potted plant or a tray of brownies and introduce myself. Only when I’ve established some level of respect and trust would I bring up a complaint.

You’ve set a negative tone by complaining to the landlord without even giving him a chance to take corrective actions. Now he’s angry. You certainly didn’t have to answer the door when he was angrily pounding on it, but I do think that you share the blame for the escalation of this problem. Consider waiting until he’s not angry and then try to talk to him when you’re both outside. Or maybe send him a note asking to meet with him so that you can have a friendly chat.

If he stops bouncing the ball, you can consider your problem solved. But you really should reconsider how you approach people in the future.

If he keeps harassing you definitely file another complaint, or call the police if you feel physically threatened.

But seriously… he was bouncing a ball on his floor? Walking around in heavy shoes? Not even in the middle of the night? Man, that’s the price everyone pays for living in apartments. Hell, my upstairs neighbor has a pair of humpback whales he likes to mud-wrestle at 5:30 every morning, by the sound of things. But I’ve never complained, because frankly there’s probably stuff I do that annoys him too and he’s never complained. You gotta learn to tune that shit out.

If it truly was a nuisance, the best thing would have been to confront him, in a POLITE and FRIENDLY manner, and ask him nicely if he could be more quiet. Tell him you sleep during the day or something, doesn’t need to be the truth as long as its believable. (Note that I said “would have been” because that door’s clearly closed now…) Best thing you can hope for now is that he calms down and ignores you from now on.

sorry i should of added, i use to say hi to him but then one day he just ignored me and then this is when he started to get really loud.
i dont play loud music or slam doors, i thought maybe its my tv so turned it to mute when he came in but when he got the gist i was in he would start bouncing the ball or whatever that noise is.
i think he only use to say hi to me because he wanted to find out what i do ect and when i was brief and didnt let out any info i think this may have annoyed him, he even asked my age which i found really rude

In all probabiliy, things will be go very much better for you if you visit him and you are nice o him and talk with him in a very kind, respectful and polite manner. Show him some fake tears if you can and if you think it may help. Even if you don’t know whether it will help, show him some fake tears anyway. Can you put on a spectacle of you crying and acting very distressed? If you tell him to “fuck off” and you get his back up, you may find the only solution might be for you to move.

I don’t know about your local laws but in my city the noise bylaws are in effect from 7am to 11pm. The police won’t even talk with you if the noise is withing those hours. If you call the police, they might come to see you you about it. But he can just stop doing it when they come and resume when they leave. It is my opinion - and I am often wrong - but … IMHO, the police will not help you with noise complaints about a neighbor unless he brandishes a weapon at you and threatens you with physical violence. The only effective way to get him to stop is to befriend him and make him feel sorry for you. If you tell him to “fuck off”, you should probably start looking for somewhere else to live.

Be nice. You will get much further ahead by being nice. There are many expressions that sum this up. Surely you’ve heard about catching flies with honey and with vinegar? It is a very valuable expression. Whenever two neighbors fight with each other, it has been my experience they both lose. Be nice to him and bake him some chocolate chip cookies. Tell him a tale of woe like how you need to get up early to work to support your aging mother and you need your sleep.

If he will feel sorry for your, then you are more than halfway home. Can you generate some fake tears?

I guess this may be sexist. But no matter how big a jerk he may be, when a woman cries, it always makes me feel terrible and I want to do anything to help her. I don’t know if it’s reasonable to extend that to “most men” and “most women”. But if I was you, I would try most everything I could along the lines of being nice to him before I was mean to him.

Okay, does he follow you around from room to room and make noise wherever you are? That’s a danger sign.

roderick, no he doesnt do that but one time someone rang my bell, i went to answer the door and he came out of his flat to open the door, the package was for me but he stood behind me whilst i was signing for the parcel, just staring, it was so weird.
i looked at him like wtf and he went back in after i finished signing for it.
I thought he might of thought the door was for him but his doorbell doesnt work so i duno but the whole thing was crepy thats actually the last time i saw him face to face which was a few months ago

Right. Someone bangs on my door fifteen times after I file a complaint (justified or no), and I’m supposed to bake him chocolate chip cookies? And pretend to cry and make up lies? If he thought I was a weak female before, he certainly will now. :rolleyes: I agree with being basically respectful until he gives you reason not to.

Hello Kimberlyxx
Imo, all circumstances considered, I suggest to you to go as soon as possible to the police, much prefarably do it personnally instead of calling, and make clear that you want to tell of some circumstances that are a problem to you and that you want to inform about it and get advice from them. Then, tell about it to who you would be directed. Preferably have it all written down, all the data that you have expressed here in your original post and then in the clarifications you made.

This way you are not directly asking for any police action towards this individual but you are already putting on record this situation and then you would be doing what the police would advise to you.

From all what you have said here I would suppose they possibly would make a little visit to get acquainted with the individual in question. If they do probably he will tone down, bullies usually do when confronted with something they are afraid of. But if not then you would again recur to the police explaining that the situation keeps the same or have worsened if that is the case and then insisting in that they take more action this time.

The mere fact of that you are pregnant makes the situation serious, it would be anyway, but being pregnant any bullying is much more grave.

Try to keep calm, write down the information you gave here and then locate the address of the nearest police place and go and ask them to take notice, for the record, and give advise.

Best wishes.

Yeah, don’t do any of these things I quoted, kimberlyxx. What a dumbass collection of bullshit.

Do you have friends or family nearby? It might be good to have people stop over regularly, so that he knows you’re not alone in this.

If he does it again, you can definitely call the police, if you feel threatened (and you think they’ll turn up.) Stopping in and talking to your local police presence might be a reasonable thing to do, too - well, it would be, maybe, depending on what the police are like in your port of the woods. You don’t have to worry about looking silly. This is what the cops are for, ideally, helping people in scary situations.

Have you tried googling this guy, to see if he’s been in the news?

Will your boyfriend be home soon? Do you have a friend who would let you petsit their large dog?

Such shitty advice, that I had to pit it -

This only works if the chips are made out of ex-lax.

Not helping, Guin.

Don’t do that either - it’s probably illegal.

It’s clearly causing you anxiety to feel you’re handling this on your own, given the disparities between you and your uncertainty about his attitude and motives. The landlord doesn’t seem to be doing much beyond going through the legal minimum of bureaucratic motions, and that seems to be making things worse.

Before escalating this to police involvement (though it does sound as though it might in the end come to that), it might help if you were to ask your local Citizen’s Advice about local mediation services:

Then instead of bouncing a ball, he’s flushing his toilet over and over. :wink:

You catch even more flies with garbage or shit than with honey. Just sayin’… :wink:

Nice passive-aggressive start from both of you. How British.

Now all the advice to go to the police, as if they’re your personal hall monitors.

Honestly, they should sit you BOTH down and tell you to stop being jerks.

Wait, what? Is it illegal in the UK for people to confront one another when the other person feels slighted? Call the police? Seriously, this guy walks around in hid apartment and bounces a ball, and you think he’s got something out for you?

So you report him to the landlord before just asking him if he could be more cautious with his noisemaking.

See that’s what normal people do. You go upstairs, you knock on his door, and you tell him that the floors/ceilings in your flats must not be insulated very well, because you can hear everything he does very loudly, like walking around with his shoes on, and bouncing a ball. See how he responds. But you went all nuclear on him, and he’s received a notice from the landlord. That would probably make you a bit emotional as well. These suggestions of going to the police are even more way over the top.

You should probably go to your neighbor and apologize for going to quickly to the landlord. But could he please try and keep the noise down.

If you can’t deal normally with reasonable things in an apartment setting, you’ve got no business living so close to other people.