Nerd Drama!

I am heavily involved with a very specific role-playing game. There is a “living” version of it. “Living” means that there are scenarios published that you can download and run a table of players through. So, you could have tens of thousands of players all playing the same scenario across the world. The results are reported, and sometimes that determines the direction of the overall campaign. It’s pretty cool in its mechanics, and is definitely a more social and solid way of playing a role-playing game, rather than meeting with the same group of people, in your basement, every weekend for 27 years. (No offense to anyone who meets with the same group of people in their basement for 27 years.)

This living campaign has a network of regional administrators across the globe who help promote, organize, and educate players and gaming sessions on a local basis. I spear-headed a lot of the local gaming for this living campaign, so I was deemed to be one of these administrators a couple years back.

And so things went swimmingly for a couple years, just humming along. We expanded to more gaming stores, and new players were joining all the time. What really brings a tear to my eye is that I use a messageboard to help organize all these games across all of these gaming stores. Gamers, who tend to be an introverted and awkward folk, would typically find a place to game, and would never deviate from that location, because it was safe. But, because this messageboard that I run advertises games at several different gaming stores, I have heard inspiring stories of gamers traveling between stores just to play a specific scenario that they really wanted to play, and meeting a making friends with new gamers who they never would have met otherwise.

So, I hold this administrative position in the city that I live in. And, there is another person like me in the next city over, not too far away. And then other administrators in all of the other cities in the state. And, then there is one administrator that oversees the whole state. We’ll call him Jason.

One of the local players - Brad, we’ll call him - sends me a message not too long ago, pointing out that I am the only administrator in this city, but that all the other cities have multiple administrators running the living campaign. I look, and by golly, he’s right. While I wasn’t looking, the number of administrators for the state has doubled. I’m in a major city in my state, but my city is the only city in the state that only has one administrator, and that’s me.

Brad goes on to say, effectively, “By the way. In case you needed another administrator, I would like to apply for the position. Here are my qualifications…”

Brad: Nice guy. Late 20s to early 30s. Veteran. College-educated. Looking for his first “real” job. Newer to the game, but takes the game seriously, but not too seriously.

Now, there isn’t even a position open for another administrator in my city, and I don’t have the authority to create one, so I take the pertinent information from Brad’s message and forward it to Jason, pleading the case for another administrator in my city, and by the way, I happen to even have a candidate for you. His name is Brad.

Jason, who administrates the whole state, but from a city far away from me - I’ve never met him - replies back with apologies about having never come to my area. He feels he’s been neglecting me and my area.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I respond. No need to apologize. We’d love to have you some time. We’re doing just fine. Now, how about Brad and the non-existent administrative position for my city?

“I’ll contact him. I’ll let you know.”

Not even 12 hours later, I get another message from a different gamer in my area. We’ll call him Drew.

Drew: Late 20s to early 30s. Been doing this game since he was a teenager. He helps coordinate the games at one of the stores in my area. He talks a bit too much.

Drew goes on about how he found out that Brad is applying to be the newest administrator for my city, and how displeased he is to hear this. He gives me a list of recent infractions Brad did. None of them rose to any sort of seriousness - except if they became repeat offenses.

I took this list of offenses and anonymously forwarded them to Brad. I told Brad that I promoted him to Jason, but what did he have to say about this anonymous feedback that I received about him?

Brad replied back and thanked me for putting his name forward like that. He also said that those infractions were isolated instances, and certainly not trends. He seemed a bit offended.

Only a couple days later, another local city, not too far away, gets another administrator. I know this only because this new administrator, Steve, contacts me directly to introduce himself. Being a nice guy, I make an announcement on our messageboard, introducing him to the local gaming community.

Knowing that this announcement would raise questions about my own city, I ended the announcement with a simple sentence. “Yes, I’m the only administrator for my city, but I mentioned this to Jason, who is looking into it.”

One hour later, I get a message from Drew. He starts the message with copying and pasting this last sentence of mine at the beginning of his message. He says, “Yeah, this has been a topic of conversation in my area. Me and this other guy don’t want the position, but I told you about all the bad stuff about Brad. We’re going to try and get a second person to apply for the position.”

I responded back with recapping the situation thus far, and then going on to emphasize to Drew that there isn’t even an open position at this point in time. I then told Drew that I took his feedback into consideration, and that I anonymously forwarded it to Brad, and told Brad that occurrences like that could not be routine. I’m giving Brad the benefit of the doubt.

Because Drew was getting on my nerves about this, I ended my reply message with a somewhat biting comment:

“Brad has enough enthusiasm to fill the role, if Jason finds him worthy enough. We certainly don’t want to fill the role with someone who doesn’t want it.”

Drew responds back almost immediately that, “I want to give you a heads up that I will be contacting Jason directly.”

Sigh

I figure, I have done everything that I should have done, properly, especially since we are talking about a volunteer position for a game. Someone who took the initiative to point out something lopsided with our gaming community, and who volunteered to help fix it, explained to me why he would be the right person to do so. I contacted the main guy in charge and pleaded the case. The detractor I somewhat neutralized with sterile and non-committal comments, but I justified him by making sure his voice was at least heard - and am leaving the judgment up for the person who actually has the power to make the decision.

What do you think?

Is this some Ingress bullshit drama?

I have a sneaking suspicion about Drew.

What sort of infractions are we talking about?

If he bought a +2 bane enchantment for the cost of a +1 keen enchantment on an official character sheet, that’s one sort of infraction. If he cornered a player at a con and made a creepy pass at her, that’s another sort of infraction.

If it’s the former sort, one hopes Jason won’t give a flying fuck about trivial bullshit. That’s the sort of thing that should have minimal impact on an administrator. If it’s the latter sort of infraction, that really would affect his ability to administer to the masses.

Overall, though, I think you’re best off washing your hands of it. Jason might well deny Brad on the “I don’t have time for this bullshit” theory, and that’d be kind of legit, even though it’d suck for Brad.

Drew sounds like a mighty douchebag +5.

One more thing to add: Drew, in my opinion, needs no more recaps, and barely needs any more replies.

Showing up late for a game.

Coming unprepared.

Apparently joking - showing a lack of sympathy - when a character at his table died.

That sort of stuff. Brad had reasonable explanations for all of it. That is why I did not forward this feedback to Jason. I thought it was trivial, but I did not go so far as to tell Drew that his feedback was trivial.

I may be guilty of not doing full disclosure, but I think I’m innocent of acting rationally and practically.

If Drew says anything else to you, thank him for his interest and tell him that you can’t discuss admin business (including new hires) with him.

Forward his concerns to Jason, yourself. You’re the one who’s going to have to work with the new guy if a second admin is appointed, right? I think you’re entitled to discuss all this with Jason and have a voice in the new appointment.

Drew obviously wants the job himself.

Let us know how it works out.

They’re infractions now? :rolleyes:

The first two, depending upon their magnitude, are little more than him possibly being a little inconsiderate but an infraction? My God. Besides some of my best DMing sessions have been when I was totally unprepared and had to make stuff up on the fly.

The last point - I would have laughed in Drew’s face and told him to put his big boy pants on. When a character has died is the best time to have a laugh and a joke with the player. (Besides this is D&D (isn’t it? - I’m presuming) unless it’s quite low level, death is far from a permanent impediment for a character.)

I’m assuming that your position is “I don’t like nerd drama, I wish I could avoid this headache.” If that is the case, you can review my comments for suggestions on how to minimize drama in the future.

If on the other hand you are having a great time and are merely reporting this to SDMB for fun, then don’t change a thing about your approach; you’re doing fine. Now, on the assumption that you’d like ideas on minimizing drama:

You can’t go back and undo what you’ve already written, but going forward I would recommend that you be a lot more circumspect. Short, cheerful, non-committal notes can’t get you into trouble (unless you are evading a direct question). Detailed explanations of what you did and why you did it (when no one asked) just stir things up. Let’s review:

So far, so good!

I would have handled this a lot differently. I’d have thanked Drew for offering his input and pointed out that the decision on whether and who to appoint as an administrator was not mine to make, but I would certainly keep Drew’s remarks in mind if I were asked by Jason to have input into the decision. *The end. *An anonymous forwarding of Drew’s remarks to Brad was asking for trouble. Soliciting Brad’s input makes it seem like you are hoping Brad will give you a juicy reaction. There is no need for you to point-blank ask him for a response, unless you’ve discussed it with Jason and it’s clear he wants you to look into it. We assume Brad can respond to you if he feels like it.

This seems harmless enough, although clearly you haven’t done it before (you said yourself that you weren’t even aware of the fact that other cities had two administrators, so you must not have had any standard procedures like this). But this:

…is asking for trouble. Wait and see what people say - don’t incite things!

See, I told you that would incite things!

NooooOoooOooOOOOOooo! See, you are totally into this drama. No one forced you to “recap the situation.” I would recommend never getting to this point in the narrative in the first place, but since you have, at this juncture I’d just say something like “Thanks - it’s great that you are drumming up interest in the (still hypothetical) administrator slot. Of course the decision is most likely going to be made by Jason, not me. However, if anyone has any questions about the responsibilities of the administrator, how much time it takes, etc. I will be happy to provide information about what administrator duties entail.”

Plenty of nerd drama now - and you shouldn’t complain about it, you are a central figure in creating it. Hopefully you can enjoy it as it unfolds.

Showing up late or unprepared for a game goes on your permanent record? Yikes almighty.

One thing I learned about myself recently is that I’m a better leader than a manager. I got the messageboard up and running. I got the game stores on board. I got the initial player base going. I organized the first games, and connected all the wires that needed to be connected to get it going. It’s now to the point where it’s is growing and sustaining itself organically.

But, when people come to me with their personal requests or demands, I shut down. I also hate negativity. I’m naïve in that manner.

I appreciate the input, and the part I want to dive further into is this:

Reading your text, I just realized why I forwarded the feedback to Brad, and not Jason. Yes, deep down, I want Brad to get the position. I don’t know him that well, and I might be taking a gamble on him, but I want him to get it. So, I was promoting him to Jason, so that Brad might get the position. But I was also letting Brad know what was expected of him, and that he won’t get the position just by asking for it. Because if I vouch for him, and these small behaviors become large behaviors, then that’s on me. I have to say that within the administrative hierarchy of the game, infractions like this - again, if they become trends - could be a problem.

I also respect Drew as a human being. I did not want to outright dismiss him. He has a voice, and that voice needed to at least be recognized - even if I disagreed with the magnitude of what he was saying.

I was trying to appease Drew by assuring him that his opinions were heard. I was trying to appease Jason by pointing out a problem, but immediately providing a solution. And, I was trying to appease Brad by promoting him, while tempering that with making sure he knew that there were responsibilities to this position.

Something maybe to flesh this out a little bit more, and it might explain my actions. I’m a very proactive guy, and people see that, and so they routinely come to me with their problems. I love fixing problems, so I jump right in. But, the human side of it, I don’t do so well with.

So, when I am fixing a problem that deals with humans, I like to look at the angles, and come to some sort of solution that sort of fixes itself. So, in this case, I realized that people like Drew talk a lot to other people. So, me bringing this out into the light was my way of sterilizing the toxic drama. I knew it was going on, and if I acknowledge that it’s going on, then that should deflate it. I like to answer the questions before the questions are asked.

You’re right. Probably less action on my part would have been better. But I guess I feel like I have to take action here because even though I’m not the head guy in charge, I’m the local guy who is in charge enough, and the guy that fixes problems. I guess I assume that people look to me as the de facto leader. Also, I never want to appear to be useless, so I take on problems and issues that routinely fall outside of my jurisdiction.

I can see, from your perspective, how being this way - where I think I’m being helpful and proactive - actually is me being harmful.

Cool - seems like you have insight into your own motivations and can accept advice/input gracefully. Keep nurturing those traits and in the long run you’ll do very well. Or anyway, that’s my 2 cents. (Also don’t forget the possibility that I have no clue what I’m talking about.)

Drew sounds like poison. If he becomes an admin, he’d probably use his secret powers to make life miserable for other players who crossed his wires. Give him the “good luck in your future endeavors” sendoff.

When you get a bit older, and your social life is not wholly consumed by one hobby such as gaming, you’ll find that life is not long enough to be worth suffering the petty drama stirred up by the Drews of the world. You’ll appreciate having drama-free friends who were smart enough to buy houses with basements to get together in.

Drew’s entire social world is probably these games. He doesn’t have enough social experience to recognize how petty his complaints are; to him, they’re going to ruin everything. You won’t be able to placate or satisfy Drew, because he doesn’t have the perspective needed, and he’s scared outside of his comfort zone.

Since you’re going to be stuck in this morass of drama, listen to CairoCarol’s advice so you at least don’t feed the drama. Don’t try to head it off, or explain everything to make it transparent; you’ll never satisfy Drew, anyway. Don’t try. Just acknowledge his comments (in private), and let him know that they’ll be considered by whomever is appropriate.

By the way, expect Drew to start more drama-ball threads on your message board, demanding something be done. Keep following the same advice, and don’t feed the drama-troll.