Never eat an entire pint of sorbitol-sweetened ice cream

Just don’t. Take my word for it.


I need more words.

Spill, baby.

Hey, at least your vomit was sorbitol sweetened.

Heh. You could’ve saved yourself the trouble and just gone with the Ex-Lax.

Been there, done that, seen everyone flee from the room from the stench.

Sadder but wiser,

I won’t even ask. I don’t need to. I ate a whole bag of sugar free Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups once.

Excessive consumption of sorbitol can have a laxative effect. I imagine the effect might be amplified when it’s a dairy product that sweetened with sorbitol. :eek:

I got carried away noshing on the sugar-free items at work once (and never again).

Two words: Explosive. Poop.

Almost like the time I ate a chili cheese burger and chili cheese fries at a diner when I almost /never/ eat grease. Took me ten, maybe fifteen minutes before I had to…

eyeshift Never mind.


Explosive decompression. :rolleyes:

Basically you should watch out for anything in the ingredients list that ends in itol, sorbitol, maltitol, lactitol, etc. These things were never meant for human consumption, and the corporations who put them in food are the spawn of the devil.

Sugar alcohols are the Devil’s underpants.

My first days on the Dope were spent trying to figure out how to outmaneuver my own farts, as they had become frequent and devastating. I was doing Atkins out of support for my wife, who wanted to give the diet a try. Sugared ice cream and candies were replaced by the low-carb versions.

Our once-serene home life abrubtly turned into a terrifying series of gas attacks, as if Chemical Ali had escaped from Iraq and was trying to kill us slowly with some new lethal malodorant his goons had concocted. While at work I was forced to repeatedly make hasty retreats to the men’s room, as I was surely in danger of violating some harassment policy if I should let rip carelessly.

It took about a month, plus a fairly ineffective trial of Beano, before I got around to reading the damn ingredients on a big tub of Bryers low carb ice cream we were devouring unwittingly. Needless to say, I stopped eating the ice cream. The gas returned to its normal level of low-grade menace

I believe you.

Anything that ends in “-itol” is bad, bad, bad bad news. Bad news. Anyone offering me a plateful or bowlful of any word with that particular suffix sets me to trembling and shaking like a whipped puppy. I suddenly become far more aware of the comfort level of my anal orifice than I ever need to be. I sweat and turn white. Then I say, “No, thank you…erg.”

And don’t get me started on Olestra. We all know what happens then.

That’s what I’m looking for, Lumpy. A blow by blow (heh) description of your woes. How do expect to warn the masses if you won’t detail the gruesomeness?

Lumpy, dare I ask…?

I tell you, seriously, it needs to be spelled out, otherwise many people say “you just imagined it.” Seriously. So I had to keep a diary of the happenings for the good of the public. And I* loathe* bathroom humour. This sugar alcohols stuff is disturbing. If it hadn’t been for my own experiences, I wouldn’t have believed the OP, either.

I declare a national orifice awareness week. Those who havne’t been through it have no idea what they could do to themselves. shudders and turns pale just thinking about it

Those sugar alcohols are vile. I’ve never eaten enough olestra to find out if the effect is similar. The killer is that non-dieters can eat a whole hell of a lot of sugar in a sitting, so when you think it’s OK to indulge, you can really indulge. A big old chocolate bar, a pint of icecream, whatever. Replace all that sugar with the alcohol and your gonna stink up your house something fierce.

After my own experience, though, I do find the “I ate a whole bag of low carb X!” stories amusing.

Sure, your anus is sorbitol things considered, at least your colon is clean now.

Damn, you should see some of my friend’s colons. Messy, messy, messy. How thay walk around with those things in that condition, I’ll never know.

And don’t get me started on early dumping!

Can have a laxative effect? I know that’s what the products say, but that’s got to be the understatement of the century!

If the resultant methane could be captured and used to run motor vehicles, OPEC would be out of business in about, oh, an hour or two :slight_smile:

Lumpy, exactly HOW did you come up with your username?

There is a special place in hell for people who make puns like that. :wink: :smiley:

Let’s just say that Terry Pratchett, author of Witches Abroad, will be remembered forever for having composed the term “Dire Rear”.