Emily Litella was a Gilda Radner character on Saturday Night Live in the '70s. She was an older lady and would do an op-ed piece based on something she misheard. Examples I remember are The Deaf Penalty (“deaf people have it hard enough, they shouldn’t be penalized…”) and Violins on Television (“what’s wrong with violins on television? If you only have violins after 10PM, young people won’t appreciate good music”).
Chevy Chase or Gilda Radner would correct her misunderstanding and she would say, “Never mind.”
Anyway, I think we could do something similar. Start with some controversial topic, modify it, and include a rant-let. Here’s my sad attempt:
Why are people against gum control? There is nothing more disgusting than stepping on a piece of gum on a warm summer day and having it get stuck to your shoe! People should be more careful about what they do with their gum – can’t they throw it away in a garbage can? Wrap it in back in the wrapper? I’m not saying we have to go as far as Singapore and ban it outright, but I hate when I reach under a table and touch someone else’s old gum. It always makes me lose my appetite. So we have to pass…what’s that? The question is Gun Control? Oh, that’s much more controversial. Never mind.