Dad,
Please don’t spend 10 minutes telling me about the thousands upon thousands of dollars of work that you guys just spent on remodeling the kitchen before you tell me that you can’t afford to get me a birthday present because “things are really tight.”
Especially when the only present I asked for is help with a plane ticket to come home and visit you guys. 
I was hopeful for a bright moment after I got the idea to pull it’s power cord out from behind it. It now won’t feed at all.
I have an aneroxic printer and I feel like a jewish mother, " C’mon. You gotta eat something! Just one little piece of paper! You need your fiber."
I should have jammed the cat into it.
No feral dust bunnies were harmed in the making of this post.
Thanks for asking.
Caller ID is a beautiful thing. I’m sorry for the guilt trip he is trying to book you on. Teflon coat your soul to keep your sanity during any conversation with him.
Be happy he has a girlfriend, every moment with her is a distraction away from Fox News (unless they watch it together) and away from the oh-woe-is-me that parental units love to give.
Fuck Comcast.
The assholes removed ESPN News and ESPN Classic from basic cable here in the Baltimore area. I’m not forking out for a more expensive package. Give me back my sports channels.
Dear EBS*
I don’t care what judge you’ve seen. I don’t care that your eldest is getting married (and if you did, I’d have heard it in an invite, and not through a cheesy Verizon voice mail). I don’t care that you’ve had one closing in two months, or that you have two horrendously huge status symbol properties (which you’ve sucked 110% of the equity out of and have Lorded over the rest of us people who live within our means for years) or that you have a fist full of pricey German sedans (all leased).
I’m not giving you any money. Period.
I lost my own job recently, not that you f-ing asked or cared, and I have my own family to take care of. And for the last time No I Will Not Sue My Brother so you can be Executrix. You are a manipulative money hungry thief who bled our parents for years before their deaths. You’re the Bitch who tracked down Mom in the nursing home with her check book, badgering her for money so that the contractors would finish your Sub-Zero kitchen (all bow in OOOs and Ahhhs). And she with Alzheimers and a Fixed Income too.
And after she died, you only asked for/insisted on getting their only property in its entirety PLUS your 1/5th of the rest estate before brother executor told you to Fuck Off (which was far too polite for the likes of you, in my opinion) With balls like yours, its amazing you ever got pregnant. Well, you pissed & shat the finest of status symbols for years and years, and now the bills are due. Just one more piss before you moan:
Piss Off!!!
*Evil Bitch Sister
Damn!
That’s just . . .
Damn.
Today I phoned the following people:
[ul]
[li]The Public Affairs Department of Caltrans[/li][li]The Lead Engineer at Caltrans who is in charge of this nightmare (he was NOT happy that I reached him on his private cell number which was provided by my local City Councilmember. Too bad, jackass!)[/li][li]My City Councilmember[/li][li]The City Attorney’s office[/li][li]The Mayor[/li][li]The local Field Representative for my State Assemblymember[/li][li]The Chief of Staff of my State Assemblymember[/li][li]My State Assemblymember (also on his cell number, which I have for a number of personal and business-related reasons) [/ul] As of right now, the Resident Engineer at Caltrans has agreed to perform the jackhammering portion of the work between 7PM and 11:00PM or midnight. Still not happy it’ll extend that late, but it’s a damn sight better than first starting at 11:00 at night! Score 1![/li]
My State Assemblymember’s office (who controls the purse strings of Caltrans! HA!) is going to phone a Supervisor at Caltrans in the morning, to discuss moving this project to the daylight hours. Preliminarily Score 2!
They will be sorry they messed with my sleep!!
Count keep strong. That isn’t family. That is a leech.
The family stories are the most depressing.
Ah, but with a reciept in hand,you have proof. If you mail your payment with ten days to spare, and they say they got it one day after due date- what’s your recourse?
I’ll have to thank them for that. I hate and despise sports, and us non-sports fans have to pay extra on our “Basic+” cable for those of you who like sports. However, I think there should be a Basic+sports option for your guys, to be fair.
Good on you, Shayna ! 
Those of you with traffic compaints got nothing on me. I live right near this intersection.
Go ahead, try to figure it out, cause you’re probably wrong. So many people don’t know which lanes are left turn lanes, which ones are straight, which ones are right, and where you are and aren’t allowed to turn.
That makes no sense.
I hate and despise home renovation shows and the psychic detective shows, yet us non-home-renovation fans and non-psychic-detective fans still subsidize HGTV and the History Channel.
Cable TV is, by its very nature and business plan, a niche-market affair. How is sports any different from any other genre?
Time for me to add my traffic rant: how to properly use the center lane. Up here in Central Pennsylhooeya, they have three, and five lane roads. The center lane is for left turns only.
To properly use the center lane for a left turn, it is necessary to get your motherfucking vehicle into the goddamned center lane. All of your shitmobile, not half, two-thirds, or three quarters. Push down on the sticky fucker at the 9 o clock position behind the steering wheel (3 o clock if you have an old BMW or other bizarre ride), and watch for left-blinky happenings, steer to the left, and do this without your evil grizzled stump of a foot touching the brake pedal! When you’re all of the way into the center lane, THEN slow the fuck down, or for that matter, turn left and vault over the guardrail into a fucking quarry where you can crash and burn in your shitmobile and never make another lame-ass-I’m-really-in-almost-all-of-the-fucking-lanes-cuz-I-haven’t-a-fucking-clue-left-turn.
whew That felt better. 
Silly rabbit. That’s not an intersection, it’s the bastard offspring of the unholy mating of a traffic circle and a cloverleaf interchange.
Clearly, you guys and your unholy intersections have never experienced nirvana with the oft misunderstood Michigan (Michigan Highways: In Depth: The Michigan Left) . Aerial goodness, diagram and stuff.
Embrace it. We have over 700 of them in our great state. What we lack in culture, pro-football, weather and crappy road conditions, we almost make up for it with the Michigan Left.
You’re either whooshing me (good one!) or you truly don’t see the joke in my post. See, my joke was that the spelling error was that you had spelled “incompetent” right, and a true incompetent would have mis-spelled both “incompetent” AND “liar.” You had only mis-spelled “liar.”
I’m going to go work in my yard now.
I love that the sign under the Route 97 sign (in the diagram link) looks like a question mark. Thats is so fitting.
Oh, I know. With the receipt, I get a confirmation number or some such so they can identify the transaction. I give the number to the caller, and it’s all good. It’s just a pain in the ass.
Robin
My printer is now working again!