I’m sorry Shirley, but that posting falls outside the scope of this thread. That truly deserved a full-fledged napalm attack at dawn.
Thanks, Projammer. Napalm would be nice.
We’re all about the same thing, except for you fuckwits. We want to get in to the store, get our java or drink, sammitch, or what fucking ever, and be on our way to wherever in as short a space of time as possible.
Do not:
ponder regular, decaf, mitsubishi roast in 6, 12, 20, 24, or body cask size as though you’ve never seen these options.
swing away from the hot beverage area with your uncapped container! Spilling hot stuff on people may make them want to kill you, and I will help.
stand at the beverage additive kiosk like it’s a foreign planet. Put your shit in your mix and get the fuck out of the way.
cluelessly review the breakfast sammitches. Egg, meat, cheese, breadly covers. That’s it. Same as it ever was. Quit fucking around.
converse with the register monkey. We don’t care, and you shouldn’t, on our time
once you get outside do not:
eat in your vehicle
talk on your cell phone
apply makeup
shave
masturbate
adjust your radio
fuck with your kids
do anything other than put your fuckmobile in reverse and get the fuck outta the way to free up the parking space!
To those who will disagree, in advance, fuck you! 
Oh, like you’ve never done that. 
To the guy who wanted us to repair and replace his carpet steam,er…
- You did not buy it from us
- It had obvious smoke and heat damage when you bought it in
- We sell parts, we are NOt a repair business
- No we will; not "rewire it for you… it was obviously a defective fire hazard when you brought it in
5)Well, you can have a tantrum as long as you like, but please do it off the property - Nope… we won’t rewire it for you, even IF your nephew is a lawyer
- Your purchase of a $1.79 plug does not include rewiring
- Yes, we had every right to remove you from the line, as we do not rewire burnt out, smoke damaged appliances which we don’t sell (Our lawters would beat us with iron rods if we did)
- I suggest you contact the orginal manufacturer
- Your tantrum will only make us call the cops
- Your derscription of my mother’s sexual proclivities is entirely innacurate.
I love retail
FML
What’s that? We have no legal right to cancel your mobile phone service or put a default against your name?
If you believe we have no legal right to do so, howsabout you go get a lawyer and our lawyers will see you in court.
You see, we have a document. A document you signed when you got the phone. A document which we include excerpts from in every bill we send you, and every late payment notice.
Shall I quote the relevant portion of the document for you?
“[Company]'s payment terms are strictly 14 days from the bill issue date. If you pay outside these terms you may receive late payment reminder notices, late payment fees, restrictions to your service, suspension, suspension fees, cancellation of your contract and possible mercantile action, including a CRAA (Credit Reporting Association of Australia) listing that will remain against your name for no less than 5 years. Should your service be cancelled for non payment, you will be liable for all handset charges and all associated termination of contract charges”
Now yes, I agree that $800 for a two year contract is an insane figure. No I don’t know how they came up with that figure, I’m not in marketing. But what I do know is that you VOLUNTARILY signed that contract, and then you VOLUNTARILY refused to pay your bill for over 120 days. That’s four months for those folks keeping track at home. So it took us four months to cancel your service. In that four months we tried to call you three times on the numbers you had given us (home, work), we sent you no less than eight letters and on each bill we sent you there was a handy notice at the bottom stating your bill was overdue. Not to mention the “balance brought forward” at the top of the bill. We also barred your phone to incoming calls only. Then we suspended it, so you got no phone calls in either. And I know we’ve got your right address because you gave it to me at the start of the call as an ID point.
So then we sent the account to not one, but two mercantile agents. Companies who get paid for collecting money. They don’t collect money, they don’t get paid. You ignored them too. And these bastards are persistent. They would have sent you a ton of letters, and called you so many times it’s not funny. But still no paying from you. You’ve got better things to do!
So it comes to 18 months after your service was cancelled before we finally default you. 22 months after you decided to stop paying for the service, we finally decided to hit you where it hurts - in the credit rating. So now you come crying to us and threatening to go to the ombudsman because by GOD we have NO RIGHT to list you as a credit risk. Not even when you have over a grand in charges that you haven’t bothered to pay or call us about in over two years.
Good luck, ass.
Well, this seems like the joint to get this off of my chest. Fuck you to every ass juggler who pays for or has spinner rims on their car. I know you’re technically not doing anything to me, but those are the lamest, most uncool and stupid ass things I’ve seen in good long time. They diminish the coolness of the entire freaking world just by their existence.
It makes it even more grating to me that these things are ridiculously expensive. They serve no useful purpose, and I don’t see how anyone could think they look good on any car.
More eBay craziness, or, when it rains it pours.
Okay, this guy buys a DVD from me back on June 27th. I send the DVD out several days later (can’t remember the exact date). Guy emails me about 8-9 days ago saying he hasn’t received it. Well, crap. I email him back asking him to wait a few more days and if the DVD doesn’t show up by then I’ll refund his money. That’s what happens - no DVD so I refund his money. The guy has since sent me FIVE fucking emails asking me to send the DVD. For fuck’s sake idiot, I’ve told you at least FOUR times that it’s probably lost. And didn’t you get the notice from Paypal two days ago about your refund? I can tell from your name and the way you write that your English isn’t good, but Jesus Christ on a stick I couldn’t have made it more clear!!!
FUCKING ONCE AGAIN, YOUR FUCKING DVD IS GODDAMNED FUCKING LOST IN THE FUCKING MAIL AND I HAVE FUCKING REFUNDED YOUR FUCKING MONEY!!!
Fucking hell.
In the last tiny rants thread I complained about the constant difficulty of getting my thermos mug filled with coffee. It happened again today. I gave her my extra large mug (it is huge). Without a word she filled it up to a “medium” and charged me for a medium. In fact I wanted an extra large, so I said “Can I have an extra large please.” So she looked at me like I was trying to rip her off, sighed heavily, filled up the mug, took my money for a medium, and looked at me like she was inches away from calling her manager to report me for shoplifting.
Sorry, Jolly Roger, but my husband has every intention of putting them on his 1999 Toyota Tercel. No, it’s not souped up in any way (well, he has small Superman decals on it, but that’s it) - he thinks the ironic statement is hilarious, and I agree.
Maybe that’s the email you need to send.
To the Snobby Poser-Shits (skipping work to tobacoo-fix) who stared and pointed at my car while I was leaving an interview at your Lovely Morris County Office Building yesterday:
Yes, its a stationwagon.
Yes, its Older.
No, there isn’t an ugly tri-point circle on her front, an ugly circle made of blue-and-white triangles on her side, or an ugly ‘L’ stamped in a circle on her ass.
Get over it.
The shocked open mouthed stares only show me your stupidity and poor brushing skills, but if you care:
It has no rust spots.
The interior is Immaculate. (‘Jesus’ patent pending)
It has less than 15,000 original miles on it.
Its fully paid for.
Better Yet: it was Free! (burn your eyes on that, you Status-Drones)
BTW, It got me here through torrential rains and road flooding that left more than a few of your Poncey Bretheren in sports-sedans calling ‘AAA’ or ‘On-star’ along 80, 46, and 202.
Also on the bright side, in a parking lot of over than 100 cars, I found it quite easy to pick her out from among the Sheep.
to·bac·co -
–noun, plural -cos, -coes.
writes on chalk board
I must use spell check before posting
I must use spell check before posting
I must use spell check before posting
I must use spell check before posting…
Fucking rain! I went through a hell of a hassle getting my dad’s truck yesterday to move my furniture into my new place, and it has to fucking rain yesterday, today, and tomorrow! The three days I have off from work! Argh! My dad will want it back by Sunday, which is the next time I can start moving stuff. Damn it all to hell. :mad:
On my way to work this morning, I stopped at a stop sign before making a turn. As I started to pull forward, I noticed there was a teenage boy who was going to cross in the crosswalk in front of me, so I stopped and motioned him forward. No big deal, right? It’s a pleasant, summer Friday morning, and I figured he had the right of way since I had to stop. That’s when I heard the woman behind me bray, “You already stopped at the stop sign!”
I yelled back, “You want me to run the kid over?!” I think she yelled something else. As the kid continued crossing, I considered my options. There were 2 more stop signs between us and the interstate and I thought about driving very slowly and taking nice long stops, but that would be being a jerk. Instead, as soon as I could, I pulled over to a parking space on the far side of the street, let her pass, and pulled in behind her. I did give her a good, high, one-finger salute as she drove past, but I figured it was appropriate for thinking I should run into a kid. I think I cost her about 30 seconds, total.
I think you just made baby Jesus cry.
Baby Jesus needs to toughen up. 
There are way too many cats walking around on this desk while I try to eat my breakfast cereal and glass of milk. “Oh, hey, is that milk there? I’ll just have a slurp or two if you don’t mind.”
Work, again. I’m the only one here; the boss is on vacation, the other CPA left early, and the file clerk hasn’t come in yet. A woman came in asking about something, and I told her I could take a message for her, since I couldn’t answer her question and no one who could do it would be in until Monday. She wanted to borrow my phone book so she could look up numbers for our competitors, asked me a lot of questions about the offices, asked, “Who was that?” every time the phone rang, and otherwise pestered me. She just now left.
She’d been here a half hour.
Nearly eight months after Bulgaria joined the EU and I STILL can’t get companies to ship to me. Attention Amazon.co.uk’s Marketplace and American Apparel’s European side, I AM IN EUROPE. American Apparel, in particular, you’ll ship to fucking Moldova and Albania, but not to me here in the actual EU. Fuckers.
(To be clear, Amazon.co.uk will send me new books, but I can’t order used books from the Marketplace. And American Apparel will ship to me, but at international rates, whereas if you’re lucky enough to live in Albania, you can actually get free shipping.)
ETA: Wait, I was wrong about free shipping to Albania. But you really can get free shipping to Romania, which seems totally unfair to me.
They cleanse their anuses with their tongues, you know.