Dear Amazon,
SEND ME MY GODDAMN BOOK.
Love,
Kyla
I will say that those spams give me more amusement than the usual fare. I have Worshippers sending me ecards now. 
I do know that - that’s part of the reason that I’m not keen on sharing my breakfast with any cat that wanders by.
Oh, the time we had at Sport Chek trying to buy a pair of shoes today - they came up with the wrong price in the computer, we were partly paying with a gift card - suffice to say it took two clerks, one manager, and half an hour to pay for our shoes. Oh my god.
All I want to do is learn how to twistbraid my hair. It looks easy, it looks cool, I wanna DO it, dammit!
But it is IMPOSSIBLE to do with sweat in my eyes, sweat pouring off my face, and most disgustingly, sweat in my fucking HAIR, making it sticky and gross and thoroughly unbraidable.
Yes this is a petty thing to be angry over, but being hot and sweaty and frustrated PISSES me OFF!!
I’ve been meaning to kick Sam’s club around for a while. Their variety packs that have two good flavors and one that’s absolute crap.
Muffun mixes: Blueberry, Apple Cinnamon, and Albanian Monkey Poo*
Gatorade: Lemonade, Grape, and Yak UTI**
I’m guessing they include the crap flavors with the good ones so they can get rid if it
- Banana Nut
** Tropical Punch
Motherfucking terrorists that pop up from behind a slot machine or fast-rope down through the ceiling and one-shot me in the head with a desert eagle. DAMNIT!*
Also, how was I supposed to know a frag grenade would blow up the van that was our objective and fail us on the mission we’d just spent god knows how long and three attempts to get through?**
*Rainbow 6, Las Vegas. More fun than it has any right to be, more infuriating than anything when the terrorists are apparently crack-shot gunslingers with the ability to blind shoot around a corner and still snap me in the face.
**That was my own stupid fault. I was trying to reload my gun. I threw a grenade instead. The van blew up. But still, who knew?!
Oh, fertheluvof…now my industry-wide standard specialized landscape designing programme has stopped working. It worked for a whole WEEK! I was starting to think that I was actually getting somewhere in my quest to have a career and make a little money. Did you ever have one of those years when you felt like everything was one step forward and two steps back?
Re: spinner rims… I saw a bog-standard Chrysler minivan with spinner rims on the weekend. I was embarassed for it.
Plus, honking in Seattle is completely gauche. You don’t honk unless you’re about to pile into someone. It’s been an adjustment for me to move to the east coast, where people honk like they think the horn dies if you don’t use it every five minutes.
Dear merchant services rep:
In response to your inquiry, “so you’re not willing to help me, is that it?” let me respond first by saying, fuck you, you vile coozedrip. You called asking me to verify a name and address on a debit card. I am more than happy to do so, for any card for which we offer that service. Sadly for you, the card number you gave me is not one that we service. It is not that I am not willing to help you, it is that I am not able to help you because the information you seek does not exist in any system to which I have access. If you had spent less time being a rude little cuntnugget and more time shutting your fucking mouth and letting me speak, I could have given you a referral to a phone number through which you can find customer service for any Visa in the world. Instead, now that you’ve spat your venomous remark and hung up in my ear, you can play ATM with the card and shove it up your malodorous twat.
If I’ve applied for an Office Admin job, and my cover letter specifically says “I am looking to progress from call centre work into a more autonomous role” (or words to that effect) and my skill set does not meet the criteria of the job I’ve applied for, please don’t forward my CV onto your call centre recruitment agent. Please just send me the letter/email that says “Thanks but no thanks” and don’t waste either of our time.
I’ve just spent the day playing phone tag with a recruiter who I thought was interested in me for a job I applied for. No, she just wanted to shill me a job in the retention team of my current company’s biggest competitor.
See that part at the VERY very top of my CV where it says I’m currently working for Telecom Call Centre? Coupled with the bit in my letter where it says “I’m looking to progress from…” it means I’ve already GOT a call centre job and I want to get the HELL out of that business. Arrrgh!
I am really, really frustrated with all of my coworkers. We are working on a grant proposal that is due in a week and a half. I’ve sent it out to be proofread, and the critiques have started to come back in. They’re really good and helpful, but some of the suggestions I cannot follow through on because I don’t have the information necessary.
AND ALL OF MY COWORKERS WHO WERE WORKING ON THIS ARE ON VACATION.
And they’re not on vacation in the sense that they’re somewhere else, they’re actually here! At their houses, working in the garden or watching TV. And one of my coworkers - the only Bulgarian who speaks halfway decent English, incidentally, and is necessary as a translator sometimes - is going to the sea on Friday. (As she put it to me, “I must go to Black Sea.” Apparently someone is holding a gun to her head and won’t let her put off her trip to the sea an extra day. BTW, her vacation lasts until August 31, so it’s not like she doesn’t have ample time to make up the extra day at the end of the trip to the sea.) I asked her if she could come in tomorrow. No, she has to run errands. Of course.
A couple other coworkers, who aren’t on vacation, have been assigned to help me out, but they haven’t been working on the project and won’t be able to answer all of my questions.
You know what? I’m kinda feeling like I must go to Black Sea, too. I mean, how important is working, anyway?
Remember, in Russia, Black Sea comes to you !
This is apparently the flipside of having 6 weeks of vacation time. Nothing Gets Done.
At the other end of the scale, I’ve taken my first real job at the age of 45. I don’t GET to take a vacation. We’re going down the shore. To a rented house. With highspeed Internet. So I can keep working while down the shore. Apparently I can go out with the family to the beach some. But mostly I’m expected to work on my vacation. My boss’s credo, not mine. Apparently not company policy either, but since I’ve been on the job for 6 months and 8 days, I feel I must step gingerly in this regard.
Dear clerk at Sheetz yesterday:
When I give you money and tell you I’m pre-paying on pump 10, that means you turn on pump 10 as soon as the money hits the register. You do not stare at me blankly when I come back inside and ask you to turn on pump 10 again. I was just in here less than a minute ago. If your memory is so short, I kindly ask you to not take a job that involves handling money. Now turn on the goddamn pump because if I have to come back in here, I will be committing acts of greivous bodily harm on your person.
Dear bitch ex-friend:
You haven’t spoken to anyone in months. You leave me a nasty little message the other night saying that you want your game back–a game you abandoned at my house a year ago, I might add. No hello, no I’m sorry to hear your mother died (I know you’ve heard about that through my journal), no how are things going, just “I want my game back.” Fuck you. You aren’t getting your game back. You know why? Because you’re a bitch. That may be why your relationships all go to shit. Not because you’re fat, but because you’re a high-maintenance, nasty worm of a bitch. Crawl back into your hole and stop messaging me about your goddamn game. It’s MY game now.
Mom–
I humbly request you purchase new glasses. The current ones you wear make my brother and I look like we are very small children who still believe in magic and fairies and make decisions with no regard to consequences.
We are, actually, full grown adults. I am even married with a mortgage and have been financially independent of you and Dad since I graduated college four years ago. But those damn glasses so color your perceptions that you can’t see me that way.
Please, if you don’t stop questioning my every decision (verbally or with those sighs you make) I’m going to completely stop telling you about my life all together–just like my brother did. I don’t have to justify myself to you any more.
My cats and I pit chain stores and mega-grocers. Why must you demand shelf fees/bribes from producers in order to stock their products? Sun-Pac is getting out of the pet food business because they refuse to bribe you and you won’t carry their products. Now I won’t be able to get Purr cat food even at the small pet supply shop in the local mall any more. You had good cat food, without a lot of added filler and crap, inexpensive, and all the cats liked it, whereas at least one will turn their nose up at each of the other kinds we buy.
Little Bird, I have a sister that I don’t tell things to, because she does something similar - everything I tell her is met with subtle but deflating negativity. You know how some people are so supportive and happy for you and interested in what you’re doing? She’s the opposite of that. I don’t have to justify myself to her, either. Some people are just Downer Debbies, and you have to be careful of your interactions with these people.
My rant du jour - I got in touch with the people “supporting” the programme that has stopped working, and while she grudgingly helped me get it working again, she informed me that if I purchase the $2000+* programme, her company won’t support it because I’m running it on a Mac with Boot Camp and Windows XP. As far as I know, Boot Camp allows me to run Windows on a Mac - basically, I’m running their stupid programme just as they created it to be run - in a Windows OS. Boot Camp simply allows me to load the Windows OS on my Mac. I don’t think the tech support drone had ever heard of Boot Camp, and she certainly didn’t know that Boot Camp is being loaded into all new Macs as a standard feature now.
The best part was her response when I told her that their lack of support for my potential purchase was causing me to re-think the purchase - “Kay, bye.” Click. I can understand their position of not supporting the programme with third-party software running, but I don’t agree that that is what I’m doing, and I sure don’t agree with her cavalier attitude.
*I’m hoping to get a stripped-down version that they don’t advertise for much less, but over $2000 is the stated price for this software.
Dear Boss
A couple of weeks ago, you decided to do a reorganization and basically took away my and my coworkers rights to a very large number of reports. Reports that we use daily/weekly/monthly to be able to, well, do our jobs. You did this without any warning or in fact any kind of communication at all. I came in one day to find myself practically locked out and unable to do anything that I’d planned to do that day. However, despite my Hulk level of anger at this decision, my email asking why this had been done was, it was agreed by all I asked, reasonably worded, unconfrontational and succint. You replied (without giving the reason I asked for, I might add) asking me to list the reports we needed with reasons for needing them and it would be considered. All well and good, although it did mean that I was basically tied into doing fuck all for the next week while we all figured it out.
My email today, listing several of said reports was, again, reasonably worded and contained undeniably obvious reasons for needing the access back.
As such, your rude reply, telling me I’d “completely missed the point” and “Security decisions have been made. Period.” disgusts me beyond belief. To me, the word “period” in a business email, may as well be replaced with “Fuck you”. That’s pretty much the intent there, as far as I can see. And if I’ve missed the point, then enlighten me, oh Great One. I thought I’d asked for the point when it happened, but you deemed it unnecessary to tell me. I’ve said before that I felt there was a lack of communication on your end - the fact that we’re having to do this by email instead of face-to-face pretty much speaks for itself. Now, apparently, there is a serious attitude problem too.
It’s too bad you’ve been taking me for granted just lately; after all, without the level of work I’ve been putting in, the store would still look like you were closing down rather than opening up - no-one else here, least of all you, has done anything to get the store set up. When I quit (something I had been planning on doing soon anyway, I’ve got school to finish and then on to bigger and better things), I guess you’ll just find out exactly how much work I do. I only hope you learn a valuable lesson from it, but somehow I doubt it. You’ve long had an inability to admit to being wrong - an inability that’s cost you money and customers in the past and will continue to do so.
So, yeah. Fuck you. Bitch.
NorthWorse Airlines: What good is belonging to a frequent flyer ‘World Perks’ when you can’t use the bloody miles for upgrades? Over 300K of travel should be worth something, dontch think? Yeah and to the *Customer Service Twit * thanks for being absolutely unhelpful on the phone.
Why are financial services only open from 8-5 on weekdays? Bitches, I’m at work from 8:30 to 5 every day. I have to be out of the house by 8:10 to be on time. Can’t you people stretch your hours 30 minutes in each direction?