New Android/Google Phone

The BBQ Pit
1

The boss came by my desk. “Paul, do you have a smart phone?” I told him no, as I am leaving the Kingdom in a couple of months.

“The Kingdom is requiring you to get a new app, you need a smart phone.”

“What kind of app?”

“It tell you if you have been near anyone who has tested positive.”

“You mean Grinder?”

“That is not funny.”

“Why do I need it?”

“You cannot go into any shop unless you show you are clean.”

“Sort of like the Mark of the Beast?”

“Go buy a phone.”

I bullshitted my way past the checkpoint at the mall and got a SR400 Google/Android phone. (A Samsung A12.) I had the kid at the shop pop in the sim and install the protective glass thing.

I fired it up. It asked me to log onto Google. I typed a couple of mistaken passwords. Then I typed the wright password (from my notebook). Then it sent a code to my alternative email. I typed in the secret code. It said, “Unfortunately, we cannot your email address belongs to you.” I changed my password.

I typed in the new password. Same shit. At some point, I typed in my alternative password and got some sort of message seeming to indicate that I can expect some sort of help from someone at some point. Or maybe not. I do not know.

This really upsets me. It really makes me feel stupid.

Then add to that the fact I am doing this so MBS can track me down like collared ibex.

I am not happy at all and I do not know what to do.

Grumble.

2

Create a new Google account just for this phone?

3

I might. That seems a little scary. I wonder if some real person at the other end of all this will help. Should I wait?

I feel very dumb & unhappy.

4

OK, I suppose I will set up a new account.

5

I had to go back to the mall. It took thirty minutes to argue my way past the guards since I did not have the app. The ladies at the shop spoke less English than my Arabic. It took an hour. Maybe someday the new data plan will take effect.

Now I am entering my WiFi password. I enter it and hit “done” nothing happens. I event resorted to reading the directions. There really are no directions.

6

Krispy kreme on a kracker Paul, I had to look twice at your op, check the name and all, cause man, “I am leaving the kingdom” sounded really grim at first, I gotta say.

For your fone, I can only say this, shoulda went with iphone.
I’m a diehard android drone myself, just bought a samsung s10 a few months ago. It’s been awful. I am [choke] seriously considering switching to apple.

Wish I had more to offer than sympathy.

7

Well, the phone is at least working now. I had to create a new Google account, and use a friend’s telephone number to activate the phone. (How can you enter the phone number of a non-working phone to verify your… something?)

All in all, it is another milestone. The technology is leaving me behind. (I want my Nokia back!)

8

Oh how nice. A gay joke. Fuck off with that homophobic bullshit.

9

What makes you think it is homophobic?

10

The words you wrote.

Why don’t you tell us what you meant by it then?

11

Sure.

It seems the new surveillance app detects who you are near to and the details entered on their app. I am Covid-positive, you are Covid-negative it compares the information between the phones and then it goes beep. Or something.

Of course I still have to install the new Mark of the Beast app on my shiny new phone, so I can provide details after work.

12

Which has nothing to do with the homophobic joke you dropped into that OP.

13

I am sorry. I am not following you. I just told you exactly what I meant.

14

I think that he may be referring to the fact that Grindr is a social networking app used by gay, bi, trans, and queer people. And he thought it odd that you specifically used this specific app when referring to “testing positive”.

It did not sound great, to be honest.

15

Yes, I was referencing the Gay-dating app.

I am reminded of a story told by Ronald Reagan in (I think) his first inaugural. He recalled the old minister who could not sleep at know because he just knew someone out there might be having a good time. Or as Bill Maher frequently asks, when did Liberals start being the ones who couldn’t take a joke? The blue-stockinged pearl-clutchers used to be Conservatives.

16

Hahaha gays have AIDS. You have such a sharp wit.

17

Lots of people get AIDS/HIV Disease. Not just Gay people.

Perhaps you would prefer a world where some people are excluded from humor? Some people we do not include in our general conversation?

In the real world, we make fun of things and each other. We always have. We always will.

In any case, I have to go to the office. Enjoy your self-righteousness.

18

But they’re the ones who use Grinder. Just own your words.

19

Bye-bye.

I have to go to work.

20

It’s never just a joke.