From Finn’s Fundamental Findings: If Steven Spielberg could do better at something than someone’s God, that person’s God didn’t do it.
I love this part:
So, every athiest is faking it?
It’s sorta ominous if you say it like it’s in a movie trailer.
They have flat panels in Hell too. The only difference in the programming. 
And the kind of plasma used in the displays.
Every time someone says “Tomorrow could be TOO LATE!”, in a Chick tract, you just know that whoever they’re talking to is gonna buy it four panels later. I picture potential convertees thinking, “Shit, he’s preaching to me! If I let him finish, I’m dead!” and then running away with their fingers in their ears, shouting “Lalalalalala I can’t hear you!” every time one of his God-bothering Typhoid Marys starts up.
Now, if only y’all could explain why you keep looking at this Chickin’ shit even though you find it so distasteful. . . .
No, I’m not defending Chick. It’s just that thirty years ago I found one of his tracts offensive and haven’t looked at one since.
Band name!
One word: rubbernecking.
We find entertainment in them. We’re not expecting tolerance or intelligence in them (and would in fact be disappointed to find such things in a Chick tract).
Didn’t look so opaque to me at all… BTW at the time the phrase is uttered is when Benny finally Repents, so he’s no longer “in flux”.
How can we can parse “Preacher died for me, not that snotty little creep” ?
A: " It was Preacher [ and by analogy, Jesus] who died for me, not that snotty little creep"
B: “Preacher [/Jesus] died for me, but not for that snotty little creep”
In the theology we’re dealing with, Jesus DID “die for” the sins of the dude who’s gonna end up taking the flame bath anyway.
Still and the confusion notwhitstanding, it’s amusing that Capt. Snively’s character is right from the start and all the way through written as a total asshat who’s just cruisin’ for a smiting – as opposed to Chick Tracts of the past where otherwise fine religious people end up getting it in the shorts just because Jesus is mean and tolerance is bad.
Hell, based on what I’ve seen IRL and the Internet, some of Jack Chick’s biggest fans are atheists. I wouldn’t be surprised if his atheist fans outnumbered his Christian fans. We have favorite Chick tracts, we quote stuff, and I bet some people out there trade them. You can find a few Jack Chick parody sites on the web complete with revised Chick tracts (I call them “Chick Fic.”). Here’s my favorite.
What’s not to love? The guy couldn’t get funnier if he tried.
It’s comedy gold, that’s why.
As an aside, I want to declare that I am honored, honored I tell you, to have been able to dedicate my 500th post above to the genius of Jack Chick. He’s better than John Waters. John has to make an effort to achieve that level of bizarro world insanity.
Chick should print in color so he can give these characters a nice red shirt to wear.
The best parody, IMHO is Eaten First which was pulled from the artist’s web site because of threatened legal action by Chick. (Thankfully, other folks were kind enough to mirror the tract, so it wasn’t lost.)
Yeah, and what’s with the soul-patches and Zapata mo’s? Is Chick having an acid flashback?
You get to go to the level of Hell for liberals, to be tormented by terrorists and sodomites. At least, I think that’s what he’s trying to imply.
Either a Horror or a Porno movie, depending on what music is playing.
It’s a Vietnam war movie - can’t you hear the whump whump of chopper blades and the wail of the sitars as the music swells…
I see a Catholic and I wanna pen a tract
No Muslims anymore, I wanna pen a tract
I see the kids in school and they ain’t sayin’ prayers
Instead they’re hearin’ filth taught by a buncha queers.
I see some Buddhists and I wanna pen a tract
Cos’ they’re all goin’ to hell, there ain’t no turnin’ back
If they won’t clasp their hands an’ bend their knees to pray
To Jesus Christ, they’re fucked on Judgement Day.
I look inside myself and smile. My heart is pure.
If you’re a kike or fag, your soul is like a sewer
When the Last Trumpet blows, you’re gonna face the axe
Our Lord and Saviour knows that you’ve been badly lax.
I wanna pen a, pen a tract
Tract from Jack, save your souls
I wanna see them liberals roast on fiery coals
I wanna pen a, pen a, pen a, pen a tract!
{with considerable apologies to the Rolling Stones}
That caught my eye also. Maybe there’s a super-secret squadron of Super Heuys that do super things and such.
Or maybe he’s out of touch. But honestly, how can you 1: be raised in America and not heard of Jesus or anything about him and 2: if you’re in the military chances are you went to church. Not for religious reasons, but so you’d have at least one hour of not getting yelled at.