New Game: Play Dr. With Tater

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

Sheesh, I should have gone to my mother for advice, all she ever tells me is to go sit on the toilet.

Health Update: The aches have mostly subsided, although it might just be the leftover Niquil in my system. When I woke up this morning, I blew a snot-ball the size of a golf ball out of each nostril. One of them had a glob of blood on it, so I’m afraid we’re going to have to include Leakey Brain on the list of possibilities.

I think my kidneys are still here, but I can’t rule out being kidnapped by aliens with super technology that can magically beam one’s kidneys out. I’d best get an x-ray just in case.

BTW, does anybody know of any nice Victorian diseases? One that involves lots of lying in bed wearing a lace nightgown while my family gathers around me, feeding me soup and bon-bons? Oh, and it’s got to be serious enough that the ladies of the Chapel will come and clean my house, but no actual physical pain. Thanks!

22

You’ll get that from the leeches!

Actually, I had similar symptoms from a bronchial(sp?) infection. Great for a diet starter. Lost 10 pounds!

23

Group A Streptoccocus

Monolucleosis

Sorry, just had to show off my extensive medical knowledge. :slight_smile:

Oh, and since I feel like as ass, because there are a lot of people on this board with serious medical problems, we shall add depression to the list of sypmtoms.

24

**
BTW, does anybody know of any nice Victorian diseases? One that involves lots of lying in bed wearing a lace nightgown while my family gathers around me, feeding me soup and bon-bons?**

How about consumption? That’s the only Victorian disease I can recall off the top of my head.

25

Yeah, consumption is good.

You become gaunt and your skin gets all translucent and you become indescribably beautiful (to the sort of person who likes gaunt, translucent chicks), and you get poems written about you which use you as a metaphor for Death and Disease. You can call yourself une femme fragile, and in the final stages you go to a sanitarium somewhere in the Alps or in Mitteleuropa to try to fend off your demise but then you expire sweetly anyway.

Luckily for the aesthetes among us, consumption is making a comeback. Russian prisons are a veritable hotbed, and it’s leaking out to Europe and the world at large.

WARNING: Consumption is much less fun if you’re poor.

Mmmm. Think I’ll go read some Baudelaire.

26

In at least some backwoods circles, “consumption”=tuberculosis.

Tatertot, you could have adenosine deaminase deficiency. Sure, it’s a rare genetic disorder that affects one person in 250,000, it is almost uniformly fatal by age 2, and your symptoms don’t even come close to suggesting ADA deficiency. But anything is possible, right?

(I love hypochondriac-bating!)

Dr. J

27

That’s true, Doc, but it’s mainly a matter of semantics. “The Marchioness suffers from consumption,” but that greasy-haired guy in the tenement room has tuberculosis.

28

Hmmmmmm.

So, if I make a post and ask about why I have to drink a case of beer a day . . . then I too will get numerous “enablers” !

Kick ass !

Oh . . . wait . . . I am being sarcastic. Oops.

29

Considering you live in Germany and are subjected to (watch for oxymoron) German Cuisine, I’m sticking with my original diagnosis of Kuru, but adding in a really bad case of chronic halitosis.

30

I really do try to avoid giving medical advice, but giving Victorian medical should be okay, right? [DISCLAIMER: I am not a Victorian physician]

Tater, I’ve rummaged through my mental databank of hysteria’ , and come up with ‘neurasthenia’, which is the disease you describe, and still sounds medically omninous today. The treatment is of course absolute bedrest, but being the plucky little trooper you are, I suspect you’ll display your exceptional courage and stamina by using a laptop to continue to be a source of inspiration to us all.

Your hubby, friends, and church-ladies-in-waiting can find helpful instructions on caring for a Victorian neuasthenic here, courtesy of NYU Medical. To wit:

“The narrator is confined to her bedroom in a summer house as part of the rest cure for her “nervousness.” A nursemaid takes care of the baby. Her husband John is a physician who insists that she remain completely inactive, not even picking up a pen to write.”

Okay, maybe hubby went a bit too far, as wifey began to hallucinate about the patterns in the wallpaper. Oh well, we have TV nowadays, which is much more interesting to hallucinate over.

Perhaps you should refer them to the more modern therapy of Dr. S. Mitchell Weir (1907), who espouses bed rest, a chilkd-care provider and housekeeper, and also adds massage, stimulation, and a high-fat, high calorie diet (chocolate and potato chips work nicely)

Most modern work in neurasthenia is being done in China, where the neurasthenia or “Shenjing shuairuo” is the second most common diagnosis in Chinese psychiatric hospitals. But don’t let your loved ones subject you to those barbaric ‘alternative’ treatments, they’re much less fun -er- I mean, they don’t do double blind clinical studies. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

31

Dr. J, this is could be very, very serious, and in light of that fact, I am rushing a blood smear to you so that you may count my lymphocytes. Since you are the first medical professional who has actually taken me (semi)seriously, I intend - following the time honored rituals of the true hypochondriac - to cling to you like a leech. Think of the fees you’ll rack up during allergy season alone! By the way, do you accept Tri-Care insurance?

Ike & Beakerfx, consumption sounds pretty good, and since I live on the fourth floor in what one could call a garret, I probably have the poor starving artist strain.

KP, I kiss you! I am printing out your advice, and seeing to it that all members of my family read it and memorize. And yes, I am a plucky little trooper. :slight_smile:

Shirley, it wouldn’t suprize me in the least if the secret ingredient in Sauerbraten was prions. Mein Gott, but those Germans have some funky vittles.

I am still trying to figure out the winners, but it’s taking some time, what with me rushing to the Bizarre diseases thread every five minutes and checking myself for symptoms. BTW, I nabbed my moms sphignomowhatever today and my pressure was 115/80. That’s gotta mean something…

32

[Whips out pocket calculator] 115/80 equals… Omigawd! GET THIS WOMAN IN BED NOW – you there, Dr. J! You’re a student, right? She needs fluids. She’s in Germany, so beer will do – and lots of it. What’s her hematocrit and 'lytes?

Hop to it, before I pimp you!

[“pimp” - hallowed medical tradition whereby senior medical staff mercillessly drill junior medical staff on all sorts of minutiae. It is less an education for the juniors than a sadistic inducement for the seniors to remember all sorts of details they’d otherwise forget.]

33

I’ve got it–smallpox! Also, I know it’s exceptionaly rare in woman, but can we completely rule out prostate problems? (There’s always a first time…)

And are we sure this is a single disease? Run-of-the-mill people get sick all the time, but I wouldn’t be surprised if you simultaneously have three or four grievous illnesses. Your very survival may be due to the fact that they are all fighting amongst each other so much, that none has been able to deal a final blow. So it is very important not to upset the balance between them.

34

Smallpox? “rare in women”?

Well that’s one way of putting it. There has been only one case since 1977 - and that was when a virus researcher disposed of a sample improperly, and infected a labworker in a lab below him. (When that victim died, the researcher committed suicide.)

Smallpox is officially considered eradicated, and it is one of the few diseases that we will ever eradicate, because it has no known animal vectors in the wild. In other words, not only were there no cases in the 6 billion humans, but in the countless trillions of living organisms on the planet.

Now that is rare!

35

Sorry, I misread your post, whitetho. Mea culpa.

How can I make it up to you? Wait! Here’s a case of Fleet.

36

Smallpox, hmmm, I’ve got this big red bump on my face, which I thought was a pimple, but now that you mention it…and my parents didn’t even bother to get me a small pox shot, said it was “eradicated”. Eradicated, schmaradicated; I call that neglect.

Unless…I’ve got that smallpox-anthrax hybrid that they’ve most likely been working on next door. They say they’ve only got smallpox samples in two places in the entire world, but there is this mysterious room with ominous signs and a big lock right down the hall from Hubby’s office…he says that he’s a computer tech, but that’s what the Army would tell him to say, isn’t it.

Not only am I sick, I am a victim of bio-terrorism! All I wanted was a simple case of neurasthenia, and now I get to be the anti-bioengineering bad diseases poster girl.

Whitetho, I will be sure to get Dr. J to check for a prostate during our next visit. He’s my personal physician now :slight_smile: Just think, if he finds one, he can submit a paper to some journal and we’ll all be famous! This could be the start of a profitable career as a side-show freak. At $1 a head for a peek at my prostate, I’ll be able to pay off beakerfx in no time.

37

Smallpox, hmmm, I’ve got this big red bump on my face, which I thought was a pimple, but now that you mention it…and my parents didn’t even bother to get me a small pox shot, said it was “eradicated”. Eradicated, schmaradicated; I call that neglect.

Unless…I’ve got that smallpox-anthrax hybrid that they’ve most likely been working on next door. They say they’ve only got smallpox samples in two places in the entire world, but there is this mysterious room with ominous signs and a big lock right down the hall from Hubby’s office…he says that he’s a computer tech, but that’s what the Army would tell him to say, isn’t it.

Not only am I sick, I am a victim of bio-terrorism! All I wanted was a simple case of neurasthenia, and now I get to be the anti-bioengineering bad diseases poster girl.

Whitetho, I will be sure to get Dr. J to check for a prostate during our next visit. He’s my personal physician now :slight_smile: Just think, if he finds one, he can submit a paper to some journal and we’ll all be famous! This could be the start of a profitable career as a side-show freak. At $1 a head for a peek at my prostate, I’ll be able to pay off beakerfx in no time.

38

The only Victorian disease I know of is chlorosis, which was caused by constricting the liver through lacing your corset too tight. I did’t see it listed in your symptoms but chlorosis is characterized by your skin turning a pale green. You might check. (If you’re colorblind have a friend check.)

However, having recently recovered from an attack of cholera myself, I wouldn’t rule out that dread disease. Also a nice Victorian disease, BTW.

39

Pluto, my friend, I had cholera a few months ago. Hubby insisted it was just regular diahrhea, but I knew better.

I am checking for green skin, but right now I have a sunburn, so it’s hard to say. My clothes are a little too tight…it could be a possibility.

BTW, it is a very bad idea to take a nice hot peppermint bath when you have a sunburn. It ouchies your epidermis. It’s been almost 3 hours, and I’m still stinging :frowning:

40

Tatertot–I’m glad we’ve found you in time. I hope we can help you, and figure out exactly what is going on, but we’ll need to schedule at least three visits a week for the next few months. We’ll start with a “few” lab tests over at Dr. J Labs, Inc. I mean, everyone will tell you this is probably nothing serious, but what do they know?

I’ll also need to be sending you for a PET scan rule out kuru, Creutzfeld-Jacob, scrapie, and all those other prion diseases. Sure, scrapie only happens in sheep, but you never can be too careful.

Oh, and if your insurance company calls and starts asking about your symptoms, just agree with all of them.

(Yes! I’ll make my boat payment after all!)

Dr. J