Well… reluctantly I do ask my fellow dopers for some advice.
Just started a new relationship and some of her quirks are confusing me. We’ve been together now for 3 weeks. I know it sound like little time. Still our chemistry in and out of bed has been great great great. She is pretty frank about stuff… and today she had multiple orgasms. First time I’ve seen/felt that happen.
She told me that even though she is 27 she only had sex with 3 other guys... only one a bit more serious or long lasting. She says she was always fussy or held back a lot. She said she is inexperienced and so forth. Still with me she has loosened up totaly. She really wants sex and she has said she never felt so relaxed about it before. She is totally crazy for me as I am for her. Not an issue of trust therefore...
Well back to the point that kind of bothers me… the sex is great… but its been mostly me exciting her. She barely touches my “privates”… never mind giving me oral sex. The “no touching” except when I tell her so is wierd… My former GF was quite enthusiastic about it so I do miss that. I understand we have barely started… but by the way she acts I feel she never really did Oral Sex… nor does she seem prone to try it out. This seems very strange considering how fast and how well our sex has been. She does like it when I’m the one stimulating her. I’m pretty generous lover in this department.
I don't want to push the issue too much... I really was hoping it was a issue of getting used to someone... which isn't the case I feel anymore. I don't want to ask her to do such and such things. Other girls I've been with at this age are pretty ok with oral sex.... not an issue at all.
How much of this is just inexperience ? How much is "disgust" or "unwillingness" ? Is it a matter of giving her some time or should I "gently pressure" her into trying ? How do I go about that without seeming overly pushy ? Are their women who really don't get into oral sex at all, no matter what ? If its only inexperience how do I go about changing this ?
Thanks
She’s probably just shy when it comes to trying new things. She hasn’t been with many men and she’s probably just doing what she’s used to.
You could try hinting rather gently at first, and see if she takes the hint. Try putting her hand where you want it with your hand and see if she starts doing it on her own. You could also try rolling some “erotic dice” (you can find them in any adult store) that have little sexual things written on each side of the dice. You roll and see what comes up! That could be a way to discover if she’s just shy about it, or doesn’t like doing it.
You also mentioned she’s blunt. If the above doesn’t work, or you’re not too keen on the suggestions, you could always just ask her.
Grab a handfull of hair and gently guide her head down south. She’ll get the hint.
Also, she might not like the taste. If thats the case you can go to your local sex shop and get flavored lotions/jelly’s or what ever you want to call it that can help with that.
Alright. I’m not a woman, but i can give you some advice as to your problem.
You don’t need to do any hinting, or flavored gels or whatever. Just talk to the girl. Seriously sit down, and tell her you want to talk… and don’t make it seem like a serious thing…things take time, give it time. And if you really care about this girl you will be able to talk to her frankly about how you feel.
I am sure she will appreciate the fact that you care enough for her to talk to her about what is troubling you in the relationship.
Communication is the best thing. Ask her what she likes first, to break the ice and then move on to your likes. Never bring up your past girlfriend’s activities though. Don’t make it a competition or make her feel bad if she doesn’t want to. She may just be very shy. The first time I ever experienced oral sex (giving), I didn’t think I’d end up loving it so much. I told my boyfriend I didn’t know how but boy, I learned quickly. Not every guy likes the same techniques and therefore, he should tell his gal what he enjoys. Just talk to your sweetie, I’m sure she’ll be willing one day.
Every single time… I enjoy seeing her squirm. (She likes it too…) Like I said I’m pretty generous lover when it comes to this. I 'won’t stop either… even if she doesn’t “reciprocate”.
As for the talking with her… I’d prefer it to be “natural” … hinting with gestures or body. Not pushing her head into my lap Shakes style. If that doesn’t work I’ll go for talking. Still I’d rather she be dog crazy with excitment and just feel like doing it.
Just wanted to pop in and mention this: The only time I’m uncomfortable talking about sex is when I’m already nekkid and halfway through the process. IMHO, that is NOT the time to start talking about likes and dislikes. Please start this conversation while you’re both dressed and in a non-erotic situation. Takes the presssure off.
You may sound her out about renting a good porn flick – perhaps she could use some pointers regarding techinque. I’ve learned a lot from porn; things I’d have never thought of on my own.
Also, are you taking a dominant role when you two have sex? Because of her inexperience if you are giving her all that she wants she may just be going along for the ride. She may feel that you are in control and would do something about it if you wanted more. Definitely speak to her about this. Plus you’re giving her mulitple orgasms? Who’s da man?
Wierd though... she is pretty outspoken outside the bed. I did have that feeling of her "going along for the ride". I'd rather she be more active naturally... especially with what she likes or dislikes.
She might be having too good a time to stop and think of my own egotistic needs :) Multiple orgasms is so neat... shaking all over. She was in a state of "shock" afterwards. I do love it.
Talked to her two days ago… with our clothes on (like it was suggested here) and insinuated the oral sex into our conversation. She said she didn’t have experience but was going to try !
Friday we meet… and I feel its just an issue of time and comfort for her now.
There are plenty of assertive, even dominant women out there who prefer a more submissive role in the bedroom.
But in her case, it sounds like this is mostly simply inexperience. Which means you have a chance to “train” her by giving her feedback on what works well and doesn’t for you. You don’t even need to be that blunt about it - just do a quick little gasp of air (or a twitch) when something feels especially good. She’ll catch on.
That being said, while some women really enjoy giving oral sex, others do not. And some enjoy it as foreplay, but would really prefer a different main course, if you will.
I've already trained a former GF... so feeling a bit too much like a professor. Especially since the last one was almost at the "PhD" level. Going back to high school... it will take some work... but I'll do it for love :cool:
I must say that from what I've talked to her that other men are making an absolute ass of themselves. I don't consider myself at all a Don Juan... but it seems I win by the lack of finesse and touch other men seem to be demonstrating. :smack:
She said she didn’t have experience but was going to try !