New mom looking for baby advice

In My Humble Opinion
1

I have the physical needs of my baby figured out - she’s always clean, fed, gets her diaper changed regularly, has had her first shots, has seen a pediatrician, and so on. She is happy and healthy and doing just fine.

She is almost 10 weeks old, but was 5 weeks early, so in many developmental ways, she is really only about 5 weeks old.

My question is - and I feel silly for asking this but I’m seriously curious - what should I be DOING with her? When she’s awake should I try to keep her awake by visiting with her, reading to her, playing with her, singing to her …? Or at this age, should I be helping her to sleep as much as possible?

I don’t want to overstimulate her and stress her out, but I also don’t want to have a bored or lonely baby who is waiting for me to clue in and interact with her more!

She gets tons of cuddles and love, and lots of social interaction and outings, but should I be doing more?

2

Take her about your day as much as possible - after all, you job is to introduce her to the world, isn’t it? :wink:

Have fun! And stop worrying - billions have done this successfully to completion: you are no better and no worse than the others who have raised fine children. Relax, and enjoy your child.

3

Oh, and talk to her.

“Sophie, we’ll be going to the store in a few minutes. Let’s get you dressed… hmmm… let’s see. We’ll wear the pink onesie and the parka that grandma gave you. Hold out your arms - that’s a good girl…”

etc, etc, etc, etc, etc. Tell her what’s going on, tell her who you’re talking to, introduce her if you can. Even as a baby she’s still a person.

4

Aw, aren’t you cute! New parents are so much fun, especially to those of us with a few years under our belt. :slight_smile:

I used to lay the babies on a blanket in the floor of the living room, so they were in the middle of the activity, whether I was cooking or watching tv or doing chores, etc. I’d chat to them, make sure they were okay. When it was time for naps they were moved to their crib.

Why, you…you…you GOOD MOTHER you!

You’re doing just fine. It’s when they can move around on their own two chubby legs that you have to watch out. The best thing you can do is relax and enjoy your baby. Crying for an extra few seconds while you finish peeing is not going to scar her for life.

5

I went through the same thing with my first kid (who is 3 now). I had no idea what to do with her all day long.

My first suggestion is to establish a pattern or habit or shcedule to your day. I don’t mean a feeding/sleeping Ezzo style schedule. No, just that in the mornings you have one kind of activity, in the afternoons at 2 you always take a walk, at 4 you are allowed to turn on the TV for one hour and watch Oprah or something and so on. Something to give structure to your day, and to give you something to look forward to. Even if the baby shoots the schedule all to hell 5 days out of 7 having a rhythym to your life will be a big help to make you feel a bit less at loose ends.

Now, what to do with a baby.

Take her on a tour of a different room in the house each awake time. Show her the pictures, the walls, the furniture, the books etc. Keep up a running commentary telling her about what you are seeing.

Take a walk. (Even a short walk in the snow would be fine for a regular newborn, a preemie I don’t know though so check with your Dr.) The act of getting her changed and fed and bundled up and into the stroller or sling and out the door will kill a good half hour there. Then once outside the fresh air will induce sleep!

Make faces. Put her on the bed, hang your face over hers and stick your tounge slowly out and back in. She should start to mimic you.

Look in the mirror together and make more faces.

Sing silly songs and dance gently in the living room. Make up the songs, or put on Raffi, or put on Green Day, she won’t care.

Don’t forget to have tummy time every day as soon as she can hold up her head. If she doesn’t like tummy time, prop her upper torso on your Boppy, so her head and chest and arm aren’t flat on the floor. Most babies prefer to be like that instead of flat.

Put her down someplace safe and let her look around on her own. Even babies need their own quiet time and a good mom will allow them that. I figure that a baby who gets alone time at 10 weeks probably has a better chance of being a 3 year old who can play on her own and not need mom to entertain her All. The. Time.

Good luck! You are just at the beginning and it’ll come to feel much more natural very quickly. And as they wake up more and start interacting with the world babies are very good at leading the play.

6

Honestly, I don’t think there’s a prescription. At the age she is, everything will change month by month anyway, and you’ll find yourself reacting to those changes. So long as you’re not doing anything extreme, like letting the cat assume child-rearing duties, I’d say you’re fine. Do what you need to do, and let her tag along or watch.

7

Read to her at least once a day. I don’t have children myself, but my mother told me she started reading to me the day she brought me home from the hospital. As a result, I read all the time. Enjoying reading, instead of looking at it as a chore, will help her for the rest of her life. A person who enjoys reading is seldom bored and can learn almost anything.

8

Excellent advice so far. I’ll just second Twiddle’s comment about letting her be alone some. Babies need (IMO) time to absorb all this stuff, and most of them will happily entertain themselves for a while, looking at the ceiling lights or watching you do your thing, whatever (if she doesn’t like being left to herself every so often, she has to learn that it isn’t the end of the world either). Neither of you is designed to have intense face-to-face interaction all the time, even though parenting magazines tend to make you think it’s necessary for her future career. In fact, just don’t read parenting magazines very often.

A schedule is good. You’ll find that it gets much easier at about 12 weeks and a sleeping/eating schedule will sort of fall into place. At 6 months it gets easier again.

Good luck getting some sleep, and enjoy! This can be a very difficult time, but it’s so sweet too, and it doesn’t last very long (it only seems endless). Pretty soon you’ll be looking at her and wondering where the little baby went, and even though you love seeing her grow, you still miss the baby. (Nostalgia: a parental invention for sure.)

9

one book I remember liking a lot was

The New First Three Years of Life by Burton L. White

He divided development into a number of phases (I believe your baby is in what my husband calls “the hamster phase”) and had suggestions for activities and toys at each phase and also which activities and particularly toys were a waste of time and money. It was a very research based book.

You could also be joining some baby classes or playgroups w/ other moms of babies your age. This is partly for the baby. But it can also give some structure to your week and social support.

And to reiterate previous posters, don’t forget tummy time!

carlotta
(who eagerly awaits her fourth baby but is depending on the older siblings for all the stimulation any baby could possibly want)

10

Advice #1:
No matter how tempting it may be, don’t try to send them back from whence they came. It’s uncomfortable to the momma and besides, they got out once, they’ll probably do it again.

Advice #the rest:
Talk to her, play with her, read to her - you know, what everyone else said.

You’ll do fine!

11

Oh, and don’t read parenting books.

Trust me on this, please. Especially those that have the initials WTEWY…

12

Thanks! JohnT - how did you know her name is Sophie? :slight_smile: And yes, I’ve learned to avoid the WTEWY … books. :rolleyes:

I think part of my worrying comes from the fact that she was in the hospital’s Intensive Care Nursery for 2 1/2 weeks after she was born, and the focus there was on SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP.

So I’m just uncertain as to whether I should still be encouraging her to sleep, or if I should be keeping her awake by playing, singing, talking, telling her stories… I do all of that stuff when I’m changing her, feeding her, dressing her, cuddling her. But when she dozes off, should I LET her, or should I try to keep her up?

sigh

Yes, I’m anal.

13

Give her tummy time. And mop up both ends on a frequent basis. :slight_smile:

14

All together now…the number one rule of parenting is:

Never wake a sleeping baby.

If she wants to sleep, let her sleep, unless she’s sleeping instead of eating. If she’s nursing at least 8 times a day, has good diapers & is bright eyed and alert when she is awake? Let her sleep.

15

Enjoy the quiet undemanding stage. Talk to her, touch her, play music around the house. But don’t worry too much about the whole thing. She’ll be demanding you read Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You? for the sixth time in a row in no time - no real reason to start your torture now.

16

Sophia is my daughter’s name as well.

17

Most babies give signals for when they’re overstimulated. Preemies have some unique ones, as well as sharing those of term babies. Even though she’s past her due date, she may still have some preemie signals.

Common overstimulation signals in full term babies are falling asleep, looking away from you and avoiding eye contact and hiccups. Preemies also startle more and put their hand out in a Diana Ross “Stop! In the Name of Love” motion. If she gives you any of these signals, simply freeze (assuming it’s safe to do so) and give her a second. She’ll let you know she’s ready for movement or talking by “organizing” herself, coming back to alert quiet attention. If you move/talk/touch again and she gives an overstimulation signal again, she’s not ready. Slow and steady works best with preemies.

Many preemies have a touch of what is called “sensory integration” issues, which means that they startle more easily and are overwhelmed more easily than other babies. You can help minimize this by offering only one form of stimulation at a time: talk or touch or look her in the eye, but not all three.

If she’s not overstimulated or sleeping, then by all means talk, sing, touch and give her as much attention as you like. But when she’s had enough, or when she falls asleep, then let her be.

18

You have to understand she’s operating purely on instinct right now. She pees and poops when she needs to, she cries when she’s hungry, and when she’s tired she dozes off. Let her sleep if she drops off, and use the time to recharge your batteries.

As long as she’s growing and is alert when she’s up, she’s fine.

One more time…relax. You might as well face the fact now you’re going to screw up. You’re not going to be perfect. Hell, you may pull a real humdinger. But as long as she’s loved and cared for, you and she will muddle through in one piece.

How’s Daddy with her?

19

First time parents are so cute!
Just relax and trust your instincts. Which is hard when you are exhausted and your boobies hurt.

Babies need alone time too. They need to learn to entertain themselves. Right now, your Sophia is at the ‘can’t see but about 12 inches and content to lay about’ stage.

As she gets older 6 months-9 months-15 months and up, praise her for playing well by herself. “You play so well with those blocks…” When children cannot get positive attention, they go for ( and learn quite well) how to get Negative Attention.

If you feel that you have to have things to do with baby every moment of the day, you are setting yourself up not only for mental and physical exhaustion PDQ, but on the verge of turning your child down the road into an attention whorish kid who cannot function without High Praise From Mommykins and having their day planned with spatial-verbal-eyehand-Educational Buzzword learning activities. I am deeply familiar with this as it resides all to close to me on several levels of Momdom.
Babies are more entertained by the ceiling fan than by any $50 Baby Einstein-Lil Genius Gadget/DVD/Thingie. Play some classical music. Put her in the baby swing and crank it to Level 12. It won’t scramble her brain and it sure is fun to watch them at high speed.
Read to your daughter at least a hour a day. It doesn’t have to be kidlet books. Read your own books or the newspaper while holding her.

[hijack] In Reader’s Digest years ago, there was an article about a couple that had a downs child. They decided to put their daughter on a 10 books a day ‘diet plan’. Reading a minimum of 10 (picture)books a day . By the time she was integrated into school, while she did have her issues, her language skills were well above those who were normal and what was expected of her. [/hijack] We/I did this for our son and he isn’t retarded…ok, except for being a boy and all things fart and pokemon related.

Most importantly, you will never ever get this alone time again with a baby. Hold her, cuddle her.

Don’t lose your identity with the baby. In a few weeks, go out into the cold cruel world without The Baby and have Big People Talk with old friends. It is ok to talk …nee gush about about The Baby…but after a few visits with childless friends, they will avoid you.

a very close friend has lost her entire identity to her kids and talks about them, or her most perfect childhood, non-fucking-stop. If she isn’t bragging about how Perfect her #1 daughter is (a bit of an attention whore because she does not know how to play by herself at all.) then she is going on ad-nauseum about scrapbooking. Sometimes, when she goes off on either tear, I’m not sure if I would rather shit or go blind. Instead, I just knit and half listen. Knitting, my friend, has saved my sanity.

20

Good advice so far, but the thing I’d repeat is trust yourself a bit more. Your baby is happy and healthy and you love her. You’re watching her very closely. You’ll be surprised how well you can read her.