New Super Soaker shoots semen all over children

For those of you who have been living under a rock, Super Soaker has released a new gun called the Oozinator. Its gimmick is that it can shoot not only water, but ooze, which comes in a ten-ounce cartridge.

Unfortunately, the ooze bears an uncanny resemblance to yak cum.

I don’t know if the people making this video realized this, or realized how disgusting it looks to have close-ups of children being blasted in the face with sticky, whitish liquid, or if they were just trying to see how far they could push the innuendo until someone got wise - either way, the video is now all over the internet and I assume it’s probably been pulled off the air due to the buzz.

Man…that video had me cracking up again and again. The kid vigorously pumping it, the various shots of the kids being hit…were the people making the video truly oblivious to the connotations of it? It’s up to you to decide.

Please tell me that was not a real product and video, but a SNL parody ad? How could they not make the connection? The kid at the beginning is pumping the gun with this big grin and then…splat. Very distrubing.

Words fail me. I’ll say this, though: you really felt for the kids who got splattered and yelled things like “Eww, gross!”

Also, Argent Towers… yak cum? Do I have to ask?

Oh. :eek:

My. :eek:

God. :eek:

BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha h ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha haaa!

Oh, my stomach… I can’t… I can’t… HA HA HA HA!

It’s probably real. A few years ago they were selling Harry Potter “Flying Broomsticks” that, um, vibrated! That’s right, it’s a toy for kids to stick between their legs that vibrates. Needless to say, until the folks at Amazon caught on, the comments posted by “parents” who’d bought the item for their kids were interesting to say the least. :smiley:

Sadly, it is real. That kid in the yellow shirt’s really enthusiastic about the whole thing, isn’t he?

I like one of the comments:

The comments at Fark on this are quite amusing. lt was pointed out that any colour but clear would have avoided the whole thing.

Of course, then we wouldn’t be able to laugh at how little yellow-shirt seems to be a bit too happy about taking a load in the face. :smiley:

Yeah, yellow-shirt seems to be rubbing it into himself, barely containing his smile. This video almost disturbs me as much as it makes me laugh.

Look at Amazon’s page. .

Years ago someone pointed out to me that one of the He-Man and the Masters of the Universe toys was a sort of torture chasmber where a female character (She-Ra? I never followed these things) got clamped down and slowly covered with clear ooze.

“What do you think they had in mind?” He asked me.
Damned suggestive for a pre-pubescent toy. All you need to do is add this new ooze-blaster and you’ve got it complete.

From Hasbro’s page:
“blast ‘em with a shot of icky bio-ooze!”

From now, I’m calling it bio-ooze. Pretty accurate name, actually.

I wonder if they could get Peter North to promote it?

The He-Man Slime Pit:

Apparently it’s been re-vamped as a Harry Potter toy:

Sheesh, it even has dual cartridges! :eek:

Freud AND Flynt are indeed having a field day.

Wonder how non toxic it is. Even innocently, I bet I’d try and get it in someone’s mouth.

Not so innocently, I’m sure I’d be aiming for the dome.


That is both terrifying and absolutely hilarious…

I was dissapointed to find out that the thread title “New Super Soaker shoots semen all over children .” was not a news headline.

And just to add to the fun, the device itself looks like it was designed by H.R. Giger.

That’s … I mean, it’s … well …

Oh. God.

I can’t even… there’s just not enough floor space in my office for the kind of ROFLing this requires.
It’s unbearably funny and unmentionably disturbing all at once. How could this possibly be missed by the engineers, the marketing department and the ad agency? Dear sweet Christ, especially the ad agency! For pete’s sake they storyboarded, casted and shot this commercial! Just what went on during the viewing of the dailies?

Exec 1: “Good, good. I like how happy that kid looks even while he’s being blasted with ooze.”
Exec 2: “He’s good, yes. He almost looks like he’s sort of smearing it on himself, you know? It almost … it almost looks like–”
Exec 1: “No, no. You have an overactive imagination, how could anyone think that? They’re kids!”
Exec 2: “Right, right. You’re right. Hey, can we get a slomo on that pump action?”


What hath Hasbro wrought?