Hey everyone! I’m a newbie! That’s all!
…and a newbie with a bloody cool screen name.
Welcome aboard. Have you received your duck yet? If not, please go and see Mavis in room 3A on the second floor, and she will arrange one for you. You’ll need to supply your own rubber bands. Hope you enjoy the Straight Dope.
Aw, man, here I thought I would be first on the welcome wagon, and dang ol’ TheLoadedDog’s post popped up right as I clicked on the thread. Shoo, shoo. 
Welcome there, holiestgravy. Pull up a sit-down and tell us about yourself.
Hi,holiestgravy!
I’m saying hello to all the newbies because none of the regs like me. They call me names and hide my lunch.
I hope we can be friends. The medication is working, but sometimes I still hear the voices when I’m cleaning my dentures.
I like to go to the gas station, jump on the hose and make the bell ring.
I went to the zoo once, but all I saw was a bunch of animals.
Aw. I likes ya, Slip. 
Welcome to the Straight Dope, holiestgravy. Newbies have to provide the doughnuts. I like chocolate frosted.
C’mon, Slip; we’re just not used to obnoxious Canadians! 
Welcome, holiestgravy. We really would like to know more about you. For some of us gender and sexual preference is enough to open a world of people hitting on you. Others are more cerebral. Me, I just want a donut.
walks in
hmmm… HoliestGravy…
runs out
<several minutes later>
walks back in, carrying a HUGE plate of mashed potatoes
here ya go 
d&r
Hi! I’m a newbie too, I guess. I have been lurking for a wicked long time, but I just registered recently. I guess I may as well use my new privilige.
Welcome, to both of you! Wow, more folks newer than me. Good news if there’s a lay-off…
Howdy, Gravy
Be prepared to lose anything resembling free time
Hi, Holiestgravy! This is my 150th post since Sept 7–not that you should consirer that a CHALLENGE or anything!
Welcome!
I hear there are “Newbie Dues” You can just give your’s to me and I’ll see the money gets to the right place. Honest.
(Shut up, you guys. He’ll hear you snickering! I’ll give ya a cut! Honest!)
Dammit! I DIDN’T GET MY DUCK!
[sub]I think Mavis is avoiding me…[/sub]
But hey, I brought donuts. And coffee.
Hands $20 to Zoogirl just to see if she puts it anywhere interesting.
I guess I still qualify as a newbie, too.
Hmmmm. Personal Stats:
Male
Straight
Likes donuts
Anything else I have to pony up here?
Oh, yeah, dropzone, have a donut, would ya?
And of course, welcome to holiestgravy and TheLorax. Wave goodbye to your free time.
-Stil