The New Welcome Wagon Thread, newbies check in

In the spirit of the previous Welcome Wagon threads done by Crunchy Frog, I will welcome all the new Dopers in this thread.

A few ground rules:

  1. Please tell me a little about yourself. Beyond “Umm, hi. I’m new” Give me something to work with, m’kay?
  2. These are not traditional welcomes. There will be teasing. Trials like this make you an adult, or so I read on the back of a FrankenBerry box.
  3. I will not do the “Hi, lady who likes lists to have three items” thing. I’m original dammit.
  4. I like monkeys.
  5. Unlike Crunchy, I do not want any naked pictures. Feel free to keep sending them to him. And a wrist brace so he doesn’t get carpal tunnel syndrome. :smiley:
    Dammit, I’m forgetting something here…:smack: Aww, screw it, I’ll remember it later.
    So who’s the first victim?

Sure, don’t even link to my stuff. :stuck_out_tongue:
That’s ok, I’m too lazy to search for them either. I’m also afraid the search may kill the hamster that’s running this place.

One rule you may want to toss in there: Don’t write a book about yourself as an introduction. You’re gonna be seeing a lot of posts, hardy, long paragraphs will get annoying.
A couple warnings: I did two of these threads. You’ll run out of material fast. In the first thread I made references from GI Joe to Rene Descartes. After 9 pages and into the second thread, I needed some help and a fresh take on things.

In the teasing, it’s very easy to cross from playful needling to being mean if you’re not in a good mood when writing. I did it a couple times. In time I learned not to welcome people when cranky.

Don’t feel you have to welcome everyone immediately after they post. Let it sit a day or so if you can’t come up with anything off the top of your head. Or welcome someone else and come back to another poster later.

Don’t feel you have to respond to everything the newbie says. If they only have one line you can work with, then just work with that one line. Not everything can be funny, and I’m sure I proved that in my threads. :wink:

BTW, I love the irony of you claiming to be original in an OP based on my two threads. :smiley:

And finally, I know I said I wouldn’t mind if you did this, but now I feel all nostalgic. Welcome Wagons were mine, dammit! sigh

[muttering to self]
Know when to walk away. Don’t continually come out of retirement like Michael Jordan. Know when to walk away.
[/muttering to self]

originally mumbled by Crunchy Frog

You can slam dunk? :stuck_out_tongue:

No, but I’m a champion dribbler.

Oh, with a basketball? No, no talent at all there.

I’m not really a newbie anymore but my first welcome wagon post got lost in the great crash of '02 before I got my reply.

So - I’m an Aussie, fan of Buffy and Angel, love LOTR both book (and movie so far). thats about it.

Can I have a welcome please hardygrrl :slight_smile:

Am I the first? Am I ?

Yes :smiley:

::Does happy dance for being first victim::

Damn smillies

that was meant to read

:Does happy dance for being first victim::

tsk tsk tsk, leechbabe. Try decaf. :smiley:

Well whee doggie, we got us one of dem geeky types! Let’s watch it in its natural habitat.
The geek frolics in its parent’s basement and grazes on Cool Ranch Doritos.*

Lets play its mating call and see what happens!

blows a whistle that makes a "fro-do"sound

Awww, they are so cute when their ears perk up like that. You just want to hug them and squeeze them and call them George…

Buffy fan though…can’t be too mean to a fellow Buffy addict.

I am pretty new. I found this board this spring. My first thread was closed and I got scolded by M.E. Buckner. We sorted it out and moved on.
I am a teacher and a coach. I have three dogs that I adore. I am finding that I spend alot of time here. I have many interest but I am not an authority on any subject. I am impressed with the vast knowledge here. I am 42, single, no kids. I am thinking about a signature but have not decided on anything.:cool:

WooHoo I got welcomed :slight_smile:

:: does the happy dance some more ::

must go have run out of doritos…

so this jacksen9 character says…

Damn it, it’s not all about you! “I am this, I am that! I invented shoes! I know who was on the Grassy Knoll!”

Pfft. You got off lucky. Back in the Old Days, Eutychus used to spank people just for coding errors. Official Warnings meant The Chair Of Pain and having your body hair pulled out with tweezers.

Frasslin rasslin newbies. Back when I started, we had to post uphill in three feet of snow. We didn’t have a hamster. We had two flatworms and we were grateful!

::Stands up:: Hi, my name is Horseflesh and I am a SDMB newbie.

::crowd responds:: Hi Horseflesh!

Been a Cecil Adams fan since the first book came out. I was ecstatic to find the web site and not have to wait for the next book to come out to get my 'Dope fix. I usually don’t go in for message boards but a Threadspotting of Hamlet’s thread Best Comic Piece (until The Next One Comes Along) piqued my interest. Congrats to SPOOFE, who has been my idol since he decimated this thread in the first reply.

I decided to register and post when a Great Debate thread on AI made the rounds. Not one welcome there. ::sniff:: Anyways, the level of conversation here is head and shoulders above anything else I’ve come across, including my co-workers.

Uh, lessee here… married, 2 (young) kids, 2 cats, 1 dog. PC tech at work and as a hobby. Part time military (full time not so long ago). Sci-fi and fantasy books. Films of all genres. Fantasy CRPGs. NOT a Buffy fan. That should be enough for hardygrrl to find something to pick on.

Oh, and a big fat raspberry ::thhhppppt!:: to Tuckerfan for outing my username so soon.

BTW, i have a sig typed up in my profile but can’t get it to show up. Why for?

:: sticks head out of shell ::

Uh, yeah, I’m an SD message board newbie. You obviously can’t be rude to me because I came to the Straight Dope looking for knowledge. To be specific, weird random crap to tell my friends, since they’re easily amused by stories of bird pee and pig sex.

I never read science fiction or fantasy books, hate star trek, but ok damn I admit it I like Buffy, purely for the fine character interplay and comments on teenage life. But I cannot be a geek, because I’m the only person where I work who doesn’t have a degree in electrical and electronic engineering. I also really like the word “cloaca”.

And my user name’s so crap and obscure, no one will even be interested in outing it.

:::skulks back off into his corner:::

I’m pretty new here, so a little about me:

I had never hard about the StraightDope or Cecil Adams untill I found the website some time ago. I guess he’s relatively unknown in this part of the world.

I’m a 25 years old male, living in Denmark. Working for a financial paper as a sysadm.
Oh - and about the Buffy stuff - I have a 2m tall charcoal drawing of her over my bed :slight_smile:

I’m extremely new, in fact this is my second post

Briefly: 23yo male, I live in Sydney Australia and like books (guess which is my all-time favourite!)and slightly weird films. I have an electrical engineering degree but have never used it, nor am I ever likely to. That was four years of my life that weren’t wasted! I’m in the navy.

I too like Buffy (well Willow, strictly speaking, but isn’t that close enough?)

I just registered specifically so I’d get to be welcomed here–and you can’t get much newer than that. (Although I’ve been wavering on the edge of registering for months.)

I’m a children’s book editor. Since I spend all my time reading children’s books anyway, I thought it would sound better to say “I have to read them; it’s my professional duty” rather than just “Well, see, I like children’s books.”

I sing renaissance music (guess what part) on street corners, and it is my goal to have walked on every block in Manhattan.

Oh, and I like Buffy and Star Trek and and Babylon 5 and Farscape. But no one in my office believes me. They all think I’m so serious that every time I mention watching something they say “But surely you don’t watch TV do you?” And I insist I do, and then they forget, and next time it happens all over again. Same thing happens every time I swear.

I’m eggnogg, the product of a genetic cross breeding experiment between a confused monkey and a small clump of beweildered moss.
Started life as a flamer on but stumbled in here after a night of crayon eating and rampant hip gyrating. I am intending to fleece this forum with my inain and illiterate ramblings.


ps. yes my train of thought was de-railed at sanity station

Ok, new rule. Mention Buffy and get the firehose. Bunch of sheep.

Originally posted by Horseflesh

Well, it could be because you didn’t capitalize the “i”. If you look down, you will see a check box saying ‘show signature’. Does it have to have hair around it for you to find it?

Originally posted by refusal

Why, you’re right. Let me pour you some tea and hand you a scone:rolleyes:

So was my cousin after he had the bike accident. Helmets save brain cells, boys and girls.
But wait, there’s more…
blinx babbles

Ok, you snuck it in before the new rule. Stained or unstained?

Umm so I am NOT a newbie (lost about 70 posts in the crash) but I don’t believe I’ve ever been welcomed…

I send nekkid pics of myself to relative strangers
I speak in baby talk to my wittle fwuzzy pettys all da time.
I like boys AND girls.
I read Halequin Romance novels.
When low on sugar I have the spelling and grammar skills (online) of a donut despite being know as “The Grammar Queen/Nazi” in the office.


I’m a great Grandfather.

They all hate me.

They say I’m a paranoid schizophrenic.

That’s how they plan to get me.

And me.