News from 2053

Cafe Society
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I’m hoping to start a trend with AIM away messages, because I really don’t want to work on that essay that I’ve known about for a month and a half and is due in a matter of days. Therefore, I might as well post the message and have it turn into a stupid game-

A time machine having been developed 50 years from now has just sent a list of the most important issues of the day.
Gillette razors now have 57 blades. (Thanks to whoever it was here that thought this one up)
The 64th season of “The Simpsons” is highlighted by Bart’s 10th birthday party, where he explains his gradual voice change to his parents as the result of having taken Betaphenethylamine for the past 50 years.
Poverty and Unemployment continue their support of Terror in the ongoing war. Drugs, having declared armistace and joined the US in 2032, condemns their actions.

Set two, for the next time I have to leave the comp-
A transmission from the year 1 (some letter sequence, Latin for age of the foreign masters) has recently informed us that they have achieved peace on earth.
The Red Sox nearly won the series, but folded in the last inning to go from 6-0 to 7-6 against the Yankees.
The Tangent function, which goes up infinitely an infinite number of times yet never comes down, is revealed as the work of the devil.
Set three- Though the OAS has outlawed use of recent technological innovations for horoscopes, thanks to the Ex Post Facto clause of the constitution, you can still benefit from our experience-
(All I’ve got down here is Leo having a %n will fall deep in love with a lazy obsessed stalker)

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Former President William Jefferson Clinton died today under mysterius circumstances at his Presidential Library. His body was discovered by Former President Hillary Rodham Clinton in his private office on the premises. A source close to the Presidents, both over the age of 100, indicated that several 1/2 inch round cigar burns were found covering most of his exposed face and hands. The cause of death is yet to be determined. His daughter, former President Chelsea Clinton, of the House of Windsor, has called for an investigation.

Earth President Naomi Akbar-Ching has declared three days of international mourning.

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Highlights from 2053,

In sports,

BASEBALL-The Osaka Dragoncats defeat the Chicago Cubs in the world series in four games.

The New Orleans Saints win the Super Bowl defeating the Detroit Lions 24-21 in a wild game played in Miami. Saints owner Eli Manning was enjoying the game throughout with his wife, three children and grandchildren.

The NBA has 150 teams worldwide, and is happy with the progress, so says league commissioner LeBron James.

Eighty six year old Mike Tyson beat an attendant to death in the Calming Nerves Nursing home in El Paso Texas.

News:

More fighting in the Middle East.

Two seperate Mars crews arrived back to Earth yesterday, landing successfully in Florida. Crew commander, Major Georgi Andropov stated on CNN that Mars is red, has no vodka, and that the little green men were not home. He did not speculate where the Martians went.

The European Union is the dominant power on Earth. The China Republic and India are near war positions over land and population. India has 2.5 Billion people and its citizens are entering China illegally. There are many Indian citizens living all across the world, especially the European Union and the African Union.

The African Union reports heavy fighting over diamond, oil and gold rights in the Congo state. The Congo war, in its 41st year pits rebels versus United Nations forces.

The AU has declared the official language is English and French and local language should no longer be used.

The Smithsonian museum in Washington DC will have a display of gasoline running motors on display. This year marks the 25th anniversary of the World moretorium on the illegalization of fuel burning cars, to hydrogen and solar fuels, which has cleaned the environment considerably.

MCdonalds sold its last meat hamburger. People no longer eat meat.