I read in a book a long time ago of how a “pickup artist” would seek less sexual encounters with young women (19-29 years, I guess) around New Year’s and Valentines Day and focus more on time with his buddies and football.
The reason for this is that he noticed that younger and “hotter” (and generally more insecure) women hated to be alone (i.e. without a boyfriend) on those holidays. Therefore, they put more into the existing relationship.
(BTW, I’m not saying that young and pretty women are insecure, I’m just saying that’s whom he went after and his opinion).
What was interesting, though, was that some would hang on to a relationship and then break up shortly after NYE or Valentine’s day. I assume it was for appearance sake for family or their girlfriends…?
Being a guy, I think of Valentine’s day as a propaganda joke and, while it’s nice to pass through NYE with a girlfriend, I won’t lose sleep over it if I don’t have one at the time.
But I’m curious as to just how important it is to women and if you’re willing to drag out a relationship for holiday reasons or appearance reasons…?
It wouldn’t surprise me if some women do hold on to relationships for that reason. I am generally very content being single, but the holidays are the times when I get a little sentimental/sad about not having that “Special Someone” around.
Anecdotally, I’ve noticed that a large number of breakups seem to occur in January (and apparently I’m not the only one who thinks that: http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/06022/640857.stm )
I think a big factor in that is just that most people decide it would be cruel to leave their ex feeling heartbroken around traditionally “romantic” holidays. It’s jerkish to dump someone at the holidays or on their birthday. So, even if someone has doubts in Nov or Dec, they grin and bear it through the holidays until finally January gives them their big chance to make a break for freedom before Valentine’s Day closes their window of opportunity for a while.
I don’t think it is about wanting to be with someone during the holidays so much as it is not wanting to hurt someone during the holidays. The holidays are a hard time to be alone, especially if the relationship ended recently, so it is more out of courtesy than fear. At least, that is my opinion.
Not all women feel this way. But I am one who does. I’m no longer “hot and young” but it still bothers me to be alone on these dates. Why? I’m not sure I can explain it fully but those two days just seem to be “couple” days. On New Years Eve, you get to kiss your guy under the mistletoe, and it’s not just the kiss, it’s saying “this has been great, lets do it again for the upcoming year, I want to stay with you”.
(maybe the guy is just thinking “Oh cool, I’m gonna get laid” we don’t know, but the feeling is that it *Means * something).
Valentine’s Day? Well, I’ve heard all of the arguments about how it “shouldn’t” mean anything, how it’s all just a ploy by hallmark and all that rot, that real men show their women they love them throughout the whole year, blah de blah. Well, maybe it “shouldn’t” mean anything, and maybe some men do show their love all of the time. But a lot (and good men too) don’t, or are so busy working and being responsible adults that they can’t. So it’s nice to have them remember a special day. It’s not that the Day is so important, or the gift, (at least for me) it’s the "wow, he remembered and thought of me. Even if it’s just handpicked wildflowers.
In my younger years I might have put off the break up until after the holiday, but only in a subconscious way. If the man truly needed to be gone from my life, no lonely kissless mistletoe twig would have made me change my mind.
Ironically, two of my guy friends broke up with their girlfriends just before New Year’s. I was kinda surprised at their timing, but glad they did it, at both of them needed to end things.
I was dumped right before Thanksgiving. I spent my Thanksgiving/Christmas/NYE in the middle of getting divorced. One of the things I verbally threw at him was “How could you have done this to me during the holidays?” and he conceded it probably wasn’t the best timing. HOWEVER, I do have the dignity of not looking back at the holidays of 2002 and realizing they were all a joke and that he was secretly planning to drop the hammer on me as soon as the holidays were over. I am happy for that. So put me firmly in the camp of “Holiday break ups: bring it on!”
Plus, I know that short of the death of my parents or kids, I probably will never top that year for suckiest holiday ever. It’s all up from there.
The only reason New Years means anything special to the Tashaboy and I is because that’s our anniversary. Other than that, I’ve never thought New Years was anything special.
We don’t celebrate Valentines day, so I’m afraid we will not be celebrating Steak and Blowjobs day, out of the spirit of equality (now, if we can rename Valentines day “Cake and Cunnilingus day”, I’ll think about it).
Not really. Though I can’t speak for all women, (though I don’t think I’m alone), if you’ve been dumped right before one of these holidays you’re not thinking “Oh Boy! I’ve just GOT to get me a man”.
No, if a woman is hurting, and hurting because of a man, she’s more likely to be suspicious and not trust very much. And that’s going to mean she’ll be less, not more, willing to “put out”.