Worst. Valentine's. EVAR.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So my GF and I decided, as usual, not to spend a holiday together on the holiday itself, but rather on the weekend after. Busy lives and all that. So we celebrated Valentine’s Day last night. I was pretty psyched up about it. Flowers, candy, presents, the whole bit.

But when I got there, she seemed a bit… mopey. Down in the dumps. And soon I was feeling that way, because when she feels bad, I feel bad for her. I was hoping that she’d either snap out of it or tell me what was going on. After a little while, I asked her if anything was wrong, and she said no, she was just feeling a bit blue. We then sat there and stared at the wall for about half an hour. She then piped up with “Can I be honest with you?”

That’s never a good sign, but at that point anything to break the tension was welcome. Bada bing, bada bang, two hours of negotiations later, and…

Let’s put it this way – any Doper Chicks who have the hots for me, now’s your chance. I am officially a free agent. After seven and a half years, I have regained my bachelor status.

And I couldn’t possibly feel worse about it.

2

Very sorry to hear it. I never, ever can understand why anybody would choose a holiday to break up with someone. Scummy memory to leave someone with.

Try not to jump right into rebound. How to Survive the Loss of a Love is a great little book.

3

I’m so sorry. I was dumped with as little warning one Christmas and I still feel it every year. It doesn’t hurt like it did, but I still feel it and hate seeing a plain white envelope wedged into a door frame, because I know what that note is going to say and somebody’s going to get hurt.
The only advice I can offer kind of runs contrary to what most people advise: let it hurt for a little while. Feel it, know you felt it and then move on. Because you just had the worst Valentine’s Day ever.

4

Boy, that does suck. Like she couldn’t have waited for a better time than your Valentine’s celebration. If it makes you feel any better, I really hate her for that.

Seven and a half years is a long time to be with someone. Obviously no amount of well-wishing will help you get over it sooner, but here’s hoping that you do.

5

I recommend alcohol and lots of random hookups.

Just sayin’
-Tcat

6

Since you have bared some, could you bare some more? I was curious, what made her do it. You guys were together for 7.5 years, that is more than many marriages. What broke the proverbial camel’s back? Obviously, with you all ready for a big day of romance, you did not see it coming, or, was it one of those “yeah this makes sense” situations?

Nonetheless, sorry to hear it.

7

I think it’s best for all involved that this thread moves to MPSIMS, though I know the subject matter is neither mundane nor pointless.

8

Wow, sorry to hear that, man. While I’m sure it’s not easy regardless of the circumstances, the timing is baffling. I think breaking up with someone on a holiday (including the person’s birthday, which I’ve heard of some doing) is pretty cold.

9

Thanks for all the well wishes everyone. It does help a little.

I’m puzzled by the timing too, but it may have been a “where is this going” thing. In fact, that’s exactly the reason for it. I’m the bad guy in this, not her, so a bit of guilt is part of why I feel so bad.

When we first hooked up, we had a clear understanding that there would be no marriage, no kids, and no white picket fence. Over the years, though, she’s changed her mind on two of those things. I’m just not ready to play house yet. I like my independance. And a lot of the romance and passion has left it for me. It just didn’t seem fair to either of us to continue. But dammit, we had so much fun together. So many great memories and so few bad ones. In 7.5 years we laughed a lot and fought only twice, and those weren’t even real fights.

I bear no ill will towards her. I wish her all the happiness in the world. But man oh man do I hurt.

10

So sorry, tdn. Breaking up sucks. Take care of yourself.

11

Man, I’m sorry to hear that. The timing does suck, but I suppose Valentine’s day being a time one thinks of love makes some think of the problems they’re having with it, which ends up leading to “the talk.” I’m guessing she wasn’t completely honest with herself when you made the circumstances of the relationship clear at the outset and she probably convinced herself that she was fine with it. Now she’s come to realize that this was a mistake. It’s just a shame it took so long to realize.

As crappy as you feel now, you’ll probably come to realize that you’ve now got the freedom to drive over to a bar, slog back some nerve tonic, and make eyes at the cute chick at the other table without feeling like you shouldn’t be doing that. :slight_smile:

As great as a good relationship can be, there’s still plenty to be said for free agency.

12

Yeah, free agency is a great thing. Unfortunately, I’ve never been very good at it. Few things would make me feel better than going out tonight and nailing a couple of college chicks. Alas, things like that just don’t happen to me. (Do they happen to anyone other than porn stars?)

There is one bright thing in all of this. About 4 years ago, when I started my current job, I laid eyes on the most fantastic woman. One look, and I just knew that she was my destiny. The “one”, as they say. What was unfortunate was that I was in a relationship (and one I rather liked), and worse was that she was a newlywed. Three months into it. Obviously, it was not in the stars.

But dang, she was so cute. And friendly. Even flirtatious, I might venture. It was a little disturbing that she was every bit as flirtatious with others – men and women – as she was with me. Maybe that’s just her way, she likes to get along with everyone. I swear though, after one office party, I attempted a friendly hug, and I do believe she aimed for my lips. Since I wasn’t expecting it, I went north and she went west. I kissed her eyebrow (which I admit was quite tasty), and she kissed my elbow. Or something.

Or maybe it was all wishful thinking. But the weird thing is, that wishful thinking contributed to the breakup.

Then one day when we were having another office party, I learned – through a fortune cookie, no less – that she and her husband had split. Everyone in the office (and no doubt the entire populace of China) knows the gory details, but I don’t.

At any rate, I’m free to persue her now, if she’s not attached. Women as wonderful as her tend not to stay lonely for long. The thing is, the thought of asking her out scares the fuck out of me. Especially since we work so closely together. Being rejected by her scares me even more. And being accepted by her? It’s like a goddam Wes Craven Fearfest. It fucking petrifies me. But I think the best thing I can do is follow through on it. Otherwise I’d regret it forever.

Thanks for letting me rant. My head’s in a really weird place right now.

13

Thanks, by the way. I originally thought of putting it here. When I conceived of the rant, it had a lot more profanity and vitriol, hence my decision. Instead it just came off as sad.

Your moderation is wise beyond its years.

14

tdn, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. All my best to you.

Ordinarily I’m not the type to feel like I have advice to offer, but I’m about three months into a somewhat analogous situation - not an exact duplicate, but I think close enough. Allow yourself plenty of time to grieve. However long it takes, it takes - even if that means risking that this other woman finds someone else. You won’t be doing her or yourself any favors by entering into a new relationship before your ex is out of your head as well as out of your bed. Ordinarily I’d say to do whatever scares you (in this case, asking her out) immediately, so you can discover that (a) it’s not as as scary as you thought, and (b) it isn’t lingering over your head, but in this case, I’d counsel patience. Seven and a half years is a lot of memories to sift through, and file away, before moving on.

Hang in there. My e-mail addy’s readily accessible through the board if you’d like to talk.

15

Selkie – and everyone else – thanks for the lovely thoughts. I haven’t responded to everyone yet, but I consider each and every one of you to be personal gems in my getting through this little drama. DianaG, if you ever come to your senses and leave your husband and kids, we must have ourselves a private little naked party. You look great in your wedding dress, but you’d look even better in no wedding dress. And I have just the perfect no wedding dress in my apartment. :smiley:

Gee, I think I’m starting to feel a little better already!

No, I still feel like shit. And I think you’re all right, the best thing for me is to feel like shit for some time.

I’m so glad that I have you all to talk to. The person I’d normally share my emotions with just recently told me that if I walked out the door, we’d never talk again. And silly me, I walked out the door. I guess I just hope that I walked into a better room.

Thank you all again. Your support is really helping.

16

I can top that. I was once dumped on Valentine’s Day. Over the phone.

17

Ouch. How long had you been going out? And how in love were you with her?

I once spent $80 on a woman I’d dated three times, at the time. It was a dozen-rose thank-you for our 2nd date, which was our First Fuck. She said she didn’t want anything, but I felt obligated to pay the sharks because some chick wanted some penis and was willing to accept mine. We broke up two months later and I was glad to do it.

My – now ex – GF gave me the coolest VD present ever, way back in 2000: Among other things, she gave me a 1/300th scale model of the Apollo 11, completely launchable. We haven’t actually launched it up yet.

And we never will, not together. Excuse me while I sob… :frowning:

18

If you’re really all that broken up over it, maybe you should re-think the marriage thing. Seems to me that if you really enjoyed your independence as much as you say this should be just a trivial thing to get over.

And how long since she started talking about marriage, anyways? If you really never intended to marry her you should have said so and broke it off as soon as she started talking about it rather than letting her think things might change. Just sayin’.

19

Heh. I had a boss who, shortly after his divorce, was going around the office bragging about finally having bagged a college girl born after he’d already graduated from college. (Good on ya dude, now go away and let me work, please.)

20

Honey, that’s very sweet of you, but whoever it is that you’re thinking of, it’s not me! I’ve never been married. I am, in fact, in the midst of the world’s most neurotic super-sized six-month-long breakup, which is why I offered only good wishes, and no advice.

Actually, I’ll offer some advice. Make it a clean break. Get your stuff, get out of there, and change your phone number. Move, if necessary. :wink:

And while you probably shouldn’t dive right into another relationship, do get out there and date, or at least flirt your ass off. I’m all for grieving your loss, but a little distraction is a good thing. Besides, while the broken heart is the worst thing about any breakup, the bruised ego comes in a close second, so all opportunities to shore up your ego should be taken and enjoyed.