I now have something like 27 managers, and not one of them can agree on what I need to be doing. Two of them are the worst. B & J (appropriately named) choose to directly contradict each other on what I should be working on. If one says to work on X, the other will come back with “I told you to work on Y. And I’m your boss. I’m the one that gives you your paycheck.” So I work on Y. And then I’m told that I was directly instructed to work on X.
The problem is that B is an incompetent idiot who loves to call meetings and give instructions but has not a clue as to what needs to be done. But she’s a ranking person in the project. No one is sure how she got to be that rank. J, on the other hand, is not only a visionary (in his own mind), but is the person who hired me. He’s so out of the loop that anything he wants is irrelevant.
It’s like one of my few peers (and yet, another one of my managers) said: “It’s like B & J are getting a divorce, and we’re the kids.” So true.
What makes it all worse is that my afternoon office has been moved so that Clueless B’s office is behind me. Which means that she’s looking over my shoulder all the fucking time.
You could look at this as a great experience for teaching you all kinds of lessons of patience, etc. Or you could look for another job, if you don’t want to get that enlightened. Actually, it might be time to start yelling. At both of them. How about “You’re tearing me apart!”, a la James Dean?
Go to FOX and offer to carry a camera in your bag. Create a series of memos that convice B, J, and Teh-Uber-Boss of your company to show up at the same conference room at the same time, but under different pretenses, ala the Parent Trap. Provide donuts. When they are all there, patienly and emotionlessly outline one at a time the various conflicting things that B and J want you to do. Allow B and J to start arguing with eachother like kindergardeners. When Teh-Uber-Boss finally gets sick of all of it, calmly present your Letter of Immediate Resignation.
Sell the tape to FOX. Collect one million dollars.
You need to learn the cc: and bcc: functions of Outlook.
To: B
CC: J
BCC: Big Boss
Subject: Project X
Hey, B - you told me to do X at 1300. At 1400 J came by and told me to drop X for Y. Can you and J get together and coordinate this?
To: Big Boss
Subject: B&J
Dear Sir:
I hate to bother you with this, but not a day goes by that B&J don’t argue about X&Y. I know you are extremely busy, but I would appreciate it if you could carve out a few minutes and give me a quick brief on the master flowchart so I know in which direction we’re headed.
I draw a blank after that but it’s a start for someone smarter tham I am.
I think Chique is on to something. Not only is it a reasonable course of action, it also sounds like a professional act. It also shows that you’re interested in getting the job done and might be better than either B or J at managing your own work. The drawback is that you will probably draw the ire of both B&J.
Get a Mead composition notebook and keep a journal. Every single time you get conflicting instructions put it in the journal. Make sure you date stamp it. This will be very handy if you ever need to take legal action for any reason.
Yup. But at least you’d have it in writing, then. Hey, maybe that’s what you should do, tdn. Tell them that due to conflicting instructions, you require all instructions in the form of emails now.
I know someone who tried this. Big Boss immediately put in paperwork to have the employee fired. Fortunately, Little Boss (employee’s direct supervisor who was also getting his head spun around 180 degrees every other hour) intervened and got the paperwork cancelled.
