How ya doin’ sports fans? Your ol’ bud Gazoo is back (at least in a limited sense - I can’t spend as much time here as I used to… ) for all your football betting, bragging, and Bengal-trashing needs. For those who weren’t around this time last year, do a quick search of threads in IMHO using the words “NFL Predictions” and you can read all the fun we had in threads last year.
Now, down to business. The guarantee - if my record (straight up) dips below .500, the beagle (fatter than ever) will pick for me (okay, maybe I’ll smear some bacon grease on a few teams to help him along).
Week One is always the toughest, but here goes:
Lions 17 at Packers 30 - I originally had this game closer, but after scanning all the injuries the Lions have in defensive backfield, it looks more like a blow-out. Not to mention the Lions haven’t won in Green Bay since around the time Cecil started fighting ignorance.
Panthers 21 at Vikings 38 - If the Panthers ever close to within 10, you can count on Culpepper just walking out with that confident stride of his and nailing a streaming Randy Moss, also in stride.
Chicago 3 at Ravens 27 - Yeah, yeah, I know. James Allen was the last RB to have 100 yards against the Ravens. Who wants to bet that he can do it again? Not me. Grbac and Sharpe will play toss and catch all day.
Colts 24 at Jets 23 - I had Indy as a lock in this, but I think Manning might be hurt a little worse than we hear. The Jets’ WRs don’t scare anyone though, and one good shot to Vinnie sits him down for a week or two.
Patsies 20 at Bungles 21 - What is this? Divison III? Cincy and Boston probably won’t even cover this game.
Saints 27 at Bills 24 - At one point, the Bills were actually favored in this game. Yeah right. The Saints may well have the most balanced team in the league, and no team led by Rob “Surf’s Up Dude” Johnson will beat them.
Raiders 30 at Chiefs 27 - One of those toughies to try and pick, but even thought the Raiders generally struggle at Arrowhead, the Chiefs have a new QB, RB, Coach, System, rookie WR…
Steelers 16 at Jaguars 17 - Give this one to the home team. I don’t think either team breaks .500 for the year, too many gaps on both teams.
Seahawks 24 at Browns 11 - Yeah, the Seahawks defensive backfield is banged up, but the Browns won’t get much of a running game going so the 'Hawks can play nickle most of the game. The Brownies have done well in the preseason against vanilla offenses, but they won’t see that on Sunday.
Bucs 6000 at Dallas 0 - I’m taking bets right now on how soon Quincy Carter ends up with John Lynch’s helmet sticking out of his back. The option in the NFL…good one. Too bad for Dallas. They go 0-16 and still get the second pick in the draft to the Texans.
Falcons 21 at 49ers 30 - The Niners should still win this one, but Hearst is only there for the “feel good story of the year.” Barlow should, and eventually will, be the starter.
Rams 31 at Eagles 24 - Wow, Martz is on his way to becoming the next Shanahan. He just needs to be more subtle. Allowing the press to watch Faulk and Candidate in the backfield together and then making a scene when a reporter brings it up…pure genious. Just don’t make the ploy so obvious, Mike. Is there a Montfort/CrunchyFrog signature on the line?
Redskins 13 at Chargers 17 - Breakthecurse… breakthecurse… Please, break the curse!!!
Dolphins 13 at Titans 14 - In SI this week, they noted that the Dolphins have problems in the red zone, then exhalted the Titans’ redzone O because Eddie George had 16 TDs last year, all the time ignoring the fact that Lamar Smith had…hmmm…16 TDs. Just thought I’d point it out.
Giants 20 at Broncos 27 - Now here’s the master. Shanny keeping it a secret as to who will be the starting RB, saying only that one will be the starter, one will back him up, and one will play special teams. Okay, maybe he’s not the master…can anyone see Davis or Gary playing ST’s?
There they are, love 'em or hate 'em. I’ve changed scores a bit since I predicted them earlier this week.
The original, and less entertaining predictions are at http://www.fantasystats.com - you’ll need to get a free ID. The article is called “One Man’s Opinion.” I must say, this was more fun.