NFL WEEK TWO birds with one stone

The Game Room
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My title for Week 1? Money can’t buy happiness. Joe Burrow, Daniel Jones, Aaron Rodgers, Jalen Hurts. A lot of teams invested a lot of money in players this offseason, and Week 1 was a wake up call for some of them. I have no doubt Burrow and Hurts will recover and be great again, and heck maybe Daniel Jones will return to being average. But Rodgers lost for the year, maybe his career, is a tough pill to swallow. I generally have a soft spot in my NFL heart for losing franchises. Maybe now I can root for the Jets. Sure Woody Johnson is a nepo-owner, Joe Namath is the most overrated player in the history of the game, and Rex Ryan is a gigantic asshole, but all these years of futility, the hiring of Saleh, and now the injury to their brand new stud QB makes it tough to root against them. Plus, I have an opening in my “their fanbase deserves better” fandom now that the Browns pay huge money to a serial sexual assaulter and their owned by a cheating dickhead of a billionaire. I’m not totally on board yet (mostly because I hate the “they said we couldn’t do it!” bullshit motivation that I’m sure Saleh and Woody will use), but maybe, just maybe, I won’t be disappointed if they win.

Onto Week 2, where most of what we think we “learned” from Week 1 will be turned upside down. No, the Chiefs aren’t screwed without a true #1 WR. No, the Bears aren’t really that bad. No, the Steelers aren’t going to suck on offense all year again. Then, of course, week 3 will come along and disprove all we learned from Week 2. Ah, NFL football.

Here’s your games:

Thursday Night, September 14, 2023

Minnesota Vikings (+7) at Philadelphia Eagles (-7)

Sunday, September 17, 2023

Early

Green Bay Packers (-1.5) at Atlanta Falcons (+1.5)
Las Vegas Raiders (+9.5) at Buffalo Bills (-9.5)
Baltimore Ravens (+3.5) at Cincinnati Bengals (-3.5)
Seattle Seahawks (+6) at Detroit Lions (-6)
Indianapolis Colts (-1.5) at Houston Texans (+1.5)
Kansas City Chiefs (-3) at Jacksonville Jaguars (+3)
Chicago Bears (+3) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-3)
Los Angeles Chargers (-3) at Tennessee Titans (+3)

Late

New York Giants (-5.5) at Arizona Cardinals (+5.5)
San Francisco 49ers (-8.5) at Los Angeles Rams (+8.5)
New York Jets (+9.5) at Dallas Cowboys (-9.5)
Washington Commanders (+3.5) at Denver Broncos (-3.5)

Night

Miami Dolphins (-2.5) at New England Patriots (+2.5)

Monday, September 18, 2023
New Orleans Saints (-3.5) at Carolina Panthers (+3.5)
Cleveland Browns (-2.5) at Pittsburgh Steelers (+2.5)

So, we get two Monday night games this week, for those who are still working on fixing their NFL addiction.

I may be on an island, but I’m actually pretty interested in this Thursday night game. The Vikings were not a great 13 win team last year, and this year, they’re not a horrible team. They still have the best WR in the game, a better than average QB, and a relatively solid roster. But facing the Eagles, who looked bad in a win last week, at home will be a tough ask. I expect the Eagles to Fly, but I’m interested in seeing how the Vikings respond.

Sunday, the Packers v. the Arthur Smith hates fantasy football will be my early game watch. Bijan could be something special, and the Packers weren’t great stopping the run last year. But Desmond Ridder isn’t ready for the NFL, and Smith is doing everything in his power to limit Ridder’s mistakes. Might be a good old fashioned 1970’s running game battle. The Chiefs/Jags game will be an interesting watch too, if only to see if Pat Mahomes and Andy Reid actually murder the next WR to drop a pass.

The afternoon games kinda suck, which is nice because I have a local festival to attend. I may catch the Giants/Cardinals game on replay just to see if football can be so bad it’s good. I do think the Rams get their faces punched in.

Sunday night’s game has to ton of potential, with the high flying offense of the Dolphins goes up against the solid defense of the Patriots. I like to see the strategy going on in that game.

The Saints and Panthers on Monday night will be a chance for me to check out Bryce Young for the first time. I think he’ll be good, but last week was pretty ugly. And the Saints defense is not to be trifled with.

So, which games interest you? Which team do you secretly root for? What team do you not so secretly hate? Let’s hear it from you.

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I truly hope you are correct that the Bears aren’t really as bad as they looked last week. We need to win at Tampa Sunday or we will be 0-3 after going to KC next week.

As for my fantasy team, three of my rostered RBs are hurt after one week. One out for the year (J.K. Dobbins), so I’m already in desperate shape.

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I have to admit that I’m a bit surprised at the Chiefs/Jags line. Admittedly, Jacksonville didn’t look great last Sunday, but they did win a division game on the road, while KC suffered a rare home loss. I just looked on DraftKings, and the line moved up to KC -3.5 in the past couple of hours. As a Chiefs fan, I’m scared to death of the Jags.

4

Seahawks looked like Super Bowl (or at least playoff) contenders the first half and the 1990s Prairie View Panthers the second half. Which Seahawks are the real ones?

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I’m looking forward to tonight’s game too. Can Jefferson carry it all himself?

Sunday I’ll follow the Lions/Seahawks because I like the Lions. I think it will be closer than the line suggests, but will hope for a shellacking.

The Sunday night game does look like great fun. I have little to no interest in MNF, particularly the Cleveland Rapists against the Pittsburgh Ex-Rapists.

Speaking of which, how about Jeremy Fowler from ESPN speculating on Roethlisberger and Brady as candidates to fill the QB hole with the Jets. I’ll have whatever he’s smoking.

6

I’m rooting for Zach Wilson. I’m hoping that somehow he develops into an amazing QB this year and takes the Jets far. Because I’d love to see heads explode everywhere in the football world.

The good Seahawks are who they could be if they get their shit together, the bad ones are who they’ll be if they don’t.

They have the talent to make it work, it’s about execution and teamwork, and they didn’t pull it together. Even in the first half, they had opportunities to put the game out of reach and didn’t.

This has happened before, where they started off shaky and then figured it out. Maybe it’ll happen, maybe it won’t.

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It’s not good to overhype the early part of the season, but this week’s Dolphins/Patriots game is huge for Miami.

They’ve staked themselves on a reputation of being explosive, and now the whole nation is going to get a chance to see them up close.

Is this Miami team for real? Bombs away? Speedy receivers outrunning entire defenses? Or is it just a few trendy plays that can be picked apart by a prepared defense?

If Miami has visions of being a playoff contender, they need to be at the top of the division early. Beating New England would make them 2-0, and 1-0 in the division. That’s a big head start before even playing a home game.

Of course, the game is full of traps. If anybody can outscheme an offense, it’s Belichick. Also, the quarterback/center exchange was actually an issue for Miami last week - you can’t live long in this league with fumbles at the snap.

Miami’s defense also looked weak against San Diego - although they came up big on occasion, Herbert ran his team up and down the field.

Was that just because Justin Herbert is really that good, or is Miami a sieve, or both? The Patriots game should give us some insight.

I’m optimistic that Miami will prevail, not least because Terron Armstead (all pro left tackle) returned to practice this week, so I’m hoping he plays. And maybe we’ll see rookie running back Devon Achane, who has blazing speed but was inactive in game 1. He’s also returned to practice following an injury from preseason.

But being a Dolphin fan is nothing but heartache (at least in my lifetime. I’m 45, and they’ve never won a championship since I’ve been around. Their last Super Bowl appearance was when I was 6. I’m middle aged, man). I’ll be a nervous wreck.

So we’ll see.

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I wouldn’t quite say that Miami has New England’s number, but it’s close. I think I put my money on Miami to continue the trend.

Fingers crossed!

9

ISTM that Miami would beat the Pats once each season, even when Brady was leading NE to one division crown after another. New England’s defense looked pretty good against the Eagles after a disastrous first quarter, and I don’t expect Belichick to let Tyreek Hill run free like he did against the Chargers.

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Yeah, Belichick does a good job of taking away your best option. If Miami does well, look for Jayleen Waddle to have a big game.

(And then, if my hopes come true, Hill catches a bomb late in the game when they finally give up putting a safety over top of him).

And I don’t think Mac Jones is a bad quarterback. He could put up big numbers if Miami’s defense has holes.

11

Thursday Night Football is only on Amazon Prime? That’s kind of lame.

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That was the case on several TNF games last season, IIRC.

13

Hockenson looking solid.

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AWESOME CALL BY THE REFS!!! Go, Birds! Running game looks great, passing game not so
Much.

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♫♪I’m such a baby, yeah, the Dolphins make me cry♫♪

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Does anyone else’s video look like garbage? Jerky, sometimes drops into crappy resolution? Its only during the game itself, the commercials look fine. Fucking Amazon.

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It looks like an old 240 resolution YouTube video.

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The video on my Samsung smart TV is fine. But it’s a good 45 seconds behind both my Windows computer and Samsung S22, both of which have crappy pictures. So I’m watching my TV, knowing that I’m behind the rest of the country.

19

Video on my 1080p television with a basic Roku box connected looks fine.

I was about to come in here and extol the virtues of the rapid recap feature on Amazon. When you choose to join the game live, you can optionally choose the rapid recap feature to show you highlights up to that point, and then it kicks you into the live stream. Pretty slick feature.

However, one of the highlights in the rapid recap right now is the Vikings kicking a 61 yard field goal with four seconds left in the half. The next highlight, in the third quarter, that field goal is not on the scoreboard. I assume there was some kind of penalty, so they had to re-kick and missed it. But if that’s the case, why did you show a kick that didn’t count in the highlight package?

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That field goal was kicked by the Eagles, so if you rerun the numbers the math will check out.