No Cheese - Goddammit, I said NO CHEESE!!!

The BBQ Pit
1

I’ve been going to a Subway near where I work for a quick, (relatively) cheap, halfway nutritious lunch once or twice a week.

They’re starting to get to know me. I’m the six-inch wheat turkey no cheese lettuce spinach cucumber black olives mayo person. Yep, I’m boring about eating, very little desire to vary my selections.

Anyhow, I know the folks are supposed to ask if you want cheese. Just like they ask if you want it toasted, you what a “meal”, you want a drink, and all those other questions. All very reasonable.

However, they are also supposed to LISTEN to your response.

I don’t even mind that they always ask me about cheese when I enter… I mean, I just might change my mind, right?

HOWEVER - when I say “no cheese” I mean NO CHEESE!

Last week, I was asked FOUR TIMES, each time by a different person on the line, if I wanted cheese with that, three of them actually reaching for cheese as if by some horrific omission their co-worker up the line had someone the Cheese Question, or worse yet, actually forgotten the cheese :eek:

Well, I probably did announce a bit louder than strictly necessary that I DID NOT WANT CHEESE, but I’m half deaf from this fucking head cold and it’s sort of screwing up my voice modulation. And my voice, to some degree.

Anyhow, today, the first line person believed me when I said “no cheese”. The NEXT line person - standing less than two feet away from the first - promptly asked me “Cheese?”. I said no, just turkey. She applied turkey. “Do you want cheese?” “No” She applied more turkey, started reaching into the cheese bucket, and asked “Do you want chee-”

“NO, FOR THE THIRD TIME, NO CHEESE!”

What fuck is wrong with people like this? She can hear. She speaks fluent English. She displays no overt signs of physical or mental disorder - except, perhaps, obessive-compulsive problems.

The rest of her fellow “sandwhich artists” looked at her and said “Don’t worry about the cheese”.

Nice folks. Most of 'em. Except the Cheese Nazi.

2

Your overt and pigheaded hatred of the honest Dairyman offends me deeply. You spit in the face of these true Americans in an age short on honorable men. I dispise you.

<Kidding>Sometimes I have brain farts, but that sandwich artist was going for a world record

3

Broomstick, why do you hate American cheese? :wink:

4

People from Indiana just hate honest cheesemakers from Wisconsin. It’s that simple. Blind prejudice.

Camembert? :smiley:

5

Ah, we the cheezemakers, a happy but bound up lot…

Do you want cheeze on that?
Our curds do weigh, oh yes.

6

My son loves cheeseburgers plain. I always make sure I specify that that means meat, cheese and bun because several times we’ve gotten it without cheese.

My thing is sauce with chicken nuggets. I only get them at Wendy’s and dip them in the chili. I always get an odd look when i tell them I don’t want sauce.

7

Can I have your cheese?

Seriously though (extremely seriously, in fact), this business of Subway counter people getting to know you and your usual condiment preferences has been taken to a bizarre extreme at my usual Subway lunch spot.

The Condiment Empress takes great pride in remembering my usual add-ons. This was sorta nice at first - but then she started piling the stuff on without asking me first. Like maybe I might want to try cucumbers for a change, hah? Then we had the onset of snarkiness when I wanted something different, as though I was doing it out of defiance. What is it about my preferences that creates a stir? “You want that toasted? You never want it toasted!!”

When I started getting razzed for showing up for lunch later than my usual time, that was a signal to start eating somewhere else.
I’m just afraid that if I ask for banana peppers rather than bell, she’ll lose it altogether and come over the plastic shield after me. :eek:

8

If a plain cheeseburger has no cheese, what’s on a plain hamburger? :confused:

“Here’s your bun, Ya want fries with that?”

9

Hey, at least it was just cheese at issue.

True story. My buddy Joe was at a sub shop, and asked for bacon on his turkey sub. This was the result:

The guy behind the counter prepares it and hands it over. Joe gets to his table, takes a bite… hey, no bacon. He opens it up and looks. Nope, no bacon. He goes back to the counter and asks for the bacon. The guy looks at him, takes the sub, and moves it below the counter for a minute, then hands it back.

Joe returns to his table, and, sensing something perhaps amiss, opens up the sub to take a look. This time, there is indeed bacon. Sadly, it has not had the application of heat that transforms it into its edible form.

Yep, the guy behind the counter had no cooked bacon ready, but the customer wanted some, so he put it in anyway… raw.

The sub shop closed fairly shortly thereafter. I think the owner had a hard time hiring competent help.

10

And Illinois is caught in the middle. You have no idea how bad this conflict has grown, crates of cheese going bad in Kenosha, Hoosiers making Grilled Bread Sandwhiches…oh the humanity!

11

I get where yer comin’ from. it took me several times to determine that I had to be specific.

Another great incompetence in food worker story.

My ex wife didn’t like onions. At this food court, she decided to get a steak sub while I think I got chinese food. Anyway, she ordered it without onions. it had onions. She took it back and they made her another sandwhich. With onions. She took it back again. It came back without onions.

on the first half she ate.

At this point she was too pissed to eat it, so I took it back and demanded our money back. The worker said he could make another sandwhich. I explained to him how they had made 3 sandwhiches and none of them were right. He insisted on making another one. When I refused, he told me I had to wait a half hour because the manager had just left for lunch and no one else could authorize a refund.

Never did get my money back.

12

I was going to one Subway where I would say no cheese and they would still put cheese on so I would have to say again, “I said NO CHEESE.” After a while, I would let them finish the sandwich then as they were ringing it up I’d say, “I ordered it with no cheese.” Half the time they would take the sandwich apart and remove the cheese and the other half of the time they would throw away the sandwich and start over.

When this lost its entertainment value, I found another Subway.

13

Anyone who would turn down cheese and willingly eat unpickled cucumber simply deserves whatever life dishes up.

14

Pyschot Hosebag II, the Wrath of Joan

15

Sorry, wrong thread

16

and now the real respohse,

Odd, I was thinking the cucumber was the only thing in the sandwhich worth eating.

17

People have died for your right to have cheese.

18

Is there some reason you can’t just peel the cheese off? Life is to short to martyr yourself over a fast food order. It’s a low paying job with no real incentive to give a shit. You get what you pay for.

19

Well, for one thing, they charge you extra for the cheese. And what if it’s not cheese they screw up, but mayo? You ever try getting mayo off a sandwich when you didn’t want it? It ain’t happening. I don’t expect Spago cuisine at these places, but I don’t think it’s asking too much to follow really simple directions.

20

Is there some reason three different people apparently cannot understand the simple phrase “no cheese”? What does one’s level of pay have to do with the ability to comprehend one-syllable words in English?

What is the correct price for a sandwich in which the ingredient options are actually options?

Am I asking too many annoying questions?

Sorry, but as a customer of a certain fast food joint where the drive-through staff has made mistakes on my orders seven times out of the last ten, I’ve gotta side with Broomstick here.