Lately I’ve been buying my friends gift certificates for the beer bar I frequent. It gives them (and me) a legitimate excuse to celebrate.
I attended a wedding where the couple insisted on no gifts please! (Both from prosperous homes, well positioned career wise, owned a home, already running a household!)
It would be a big do, in a fancy place, at large expense, quite clearly.
The almost irresistible urge to buy an expensive gift regardless, was running pretty deep in most attendees, wishes of the couple notwithstanding. So they let it be known that a family had already been selected to which they would donate all gifts!
And it worked! We didn’t give a gift, nor did most people! And it pleased everyone! But it wasn’t as simple as just asking because, weddings especially, it is so deeply ingrained in our manners to give a gift.
I really like the idea of the food bank collection, it fills the needs of both giver and receiver and benefits a good cause!
I think it’s more than fair to ‘presume’ people are going to want to bring gifts to a birthday party. If you really, really don’t want them to, put the party off for a month or two and call it a dinner/backyard/garden party party and make it an annual thing. If you wait til the weather breaks you can do it outside and grill out.
I agree with the consensus that it’s fine. Those who weren’t going to bring a gift anyway will feel validated, those who weren’t sure of the etiquette have a clear instruction to work with, those who were going to bring one no matter what will do so, you (in the main) get what you want. Everyone’s a winner.
GreedySmurf, your use of the word “Esky” reminds me that you are Australian, no?
My sense is that here in Oz, it is quite OK to do as you suggest.
I recently went to a 50th where the hostess indicated politely at the end that she didn’t want presents, and this a party at which I don’t think anyone present wasn’t a doctor, lawyer or university professor. Some people (me included) brought a good bottle of red or whatever, even though it was catered.
Some people just don’t like fuss. It’s OK to say so. Socially, I don’t think it’s presumptuous at all. We all are grown up enough to understand that adults dont necessarily have a child’s desire for nicknacks.
This is the credited response.
“The only presents I need is your presence.”
Since you’re looking for opinions, moved to IMHO (from MPSIMS).
Not ‘presumptive’, but ‘presumptuous’.
It’s completely fine. You will, however, tarnish your good username.
Well, in only that some pyro will bring a gift so they can watch it burn.
But, yeah, this sort of thing is on invitations all the time. Generally you do the “charity” thing or similar, but I’ve seen ones that were just explicit.
The only people I could see getting mad are those who have a problem with you and are looking for an excuse to think poorly of you, and I doubt you’re inviting someone like that to your party.
You say that like it’s a bad thing!
Anyway, the Quercus sapling just had a birthday party, and the invitation (to the parents) said No gifts, but if you want to bring something bring a picture drawn by your child for The Sapling. Worked fantastically: Instead of a bunch of plastic crap taking up space, we’ve got a fridge door full of pictures (OK, scribbles; and there was some parent help) by all of the Sapling’s friends (about once a day, all the friends get named as their pictures are pointed at).
You could do something similar: say “No gifts, but if you have a great picture or story from the last 40 years, bring that instead”
Nothing wrong with it from my end.
Given its a birthday I would assume that people would give gifts for a birthday (when one normally receives gifts) and it’s perfectly fine to just say “C’mon, I’m 40, no gifts”
It allows said pyro to update his priors and make an efficient decision. Pareto improvement!
I came in here to post what Lucretia said.
Sure am mate! 
I’m not really concerned that any of my friends would get their noses out of joint. I don’t necessarily know all of the spouses real well, and a few of mandated family I’m not 100% on.
I really like that phrasing SciFi. Consider it pinched. Yoink 
And yeah, I don’t think I could avoid most people knowing it was a birthday party.
Well, it was originally bestowed due to my love of a feed, not for my greed for everything in general. So I’ll just make sure I consume massive amounts of barbecued ribs and pulled pork* and all will be right in the world
- That sort of food is not traditional in Oz, but my missus found a mobile caterer run by an American, that will come out to your place up to 7 hours before your party, set up their smoker/BBQ trailer and cater your party with some genuine ‘American BBQ’. I can feel my pants stretching already.
I also see it as fine - except that it should be a “Chully” Bin he is talking about.
Your American pants or your Aussie pants? 