No, I am not underweight; you're just used to seeing lots of plump people.

The BBQ Pit
1

I have a friend, Sheila; she’s a woman 20 or so years my senior. I used to work with her, and though I left that place of work, we have remained lunch friends. We see each other intermittently. Lately, it’s been VERY intermittently, for some reason.

So, I saw her last summer when I was 152 or so. Subsequent to that, I read Atkins, started watching my carbs, and have slimmed my body down to 140, give or take. (See where this is going?)

So we finally got together for lunch last week. She took one look at me, and was obviously unhappy! “Oh my God, you’ve lost so much WEIGHT! You have to be CAREFUL!” blah, blah, blah.

Honestly, it made me laugh and giggle (still does). The subtext here is something like, you must have AIDS or cancer or something, i.e., there is something wrong and it is you.

To which I respond: No, honey, what’s wrong is that too many people today are overweight, and you’ve become accustomed to seeing people who are too heavy, with lots of fat on their bodies.

I also got some remark from someone I currently work with about how “people are too obsessed with weight, I feel.” Mind you, she’s also about 20 pounds overweight.

Put this in the Pit because I know someone is going to take offense at it (don’t mean it that way, however). Just making what I feel is an accurate observation, how people’s standards of what is “normal” changes based upon what’s going on around them.

Finally, I should’ve told her, so, it’s okay for Kate Moss but not for me? It’s okay for those French people, but not me? Sorry, I like being slender and trim.

2

How tall are you?

3

Indeed, Ilsa.
'Cause 140 means something different when you’re 5’2" versus 6’2".

I’m not overweight, I’m undertall!

4

5’9" (I think)

5

Ilsa and Scout have a point, but 140 seems a reasonable weight for an average height woman. I’m 165cm and ideally would like to be 65kg, which is on the high end of my height-for-weight standards, and my calculator tells me that’s 143.3 US pounds.

Another simple measure for many women, if you’ve still got your regular period, you’re not underweight. (If you have stopped, then you are potentially an anorexic in denial. Unless you deliberately did it to train as a marathon runner or ballet dancer or the like.)

People are indeed obsessed with weight - the combination of the image problems and the health problems does it. Eating disorders are in the news; as is obesity related diabetes And everyone has a pet theory. For instance, I would worry if a friend dropped 10kg in a month, that’s too quick for health. In 3 months, fine, congratulations.

Now for the pit-relevant section: being patronising to someone who is expressing concern for you is a bit mean. I do hope you just thought, rather than said, that stuff.

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cajela, yes, indeed, I bit my tongue on the cheeky stuff - I’m really quite the diplomat; however, the Pit being the Pit, you know how it is - let it all hang out, right? Weight issues have just been on my mind, so I thought I would simply amalgamate them in this thread…

BTW, yours truly is a “he” (or is it, “he/she”?)…

7

Nisobar, I feel what you’re saying. People who wouldn’t walk up to someone at a potluck and say “Do you really think you ought to be eating that since you’re so overweight?” think nothing of grabbing me by the arm and saying “Hey, get to the front of the line. You might waste away before we get to you.”

I’m not anorexic at all. I am only a few pounds under what the weight charts say I should weigh. Hardly anything to be rude about.

People are insensitive.

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Fair enough, then. You do sound a bit thin for a bloke; I gather they have more pressure to muscle up than just to be thin.

The “he/she”? is a little confusing - are you saying you’re a trannie of some type? Or are you making some other point that I’m being whooshed about?

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My older family members are/were all VERY slender on my father’s side - almost literally skin and bones, but perfectly healthy, so I take after him somewhat (my mother’s side is just the opposite, so I guess I’m in the middle? LOL). My own personal standard of what is attractive on me is anywhere from slender (as I am currently) to muscular, but I haven’t been THAT since high school.

I read somewhere years ago that “he/she” is a prisoner’s term for a gay man who is like the prison wench, a “he” on the outside but available to be treated like a “she”, but that could be a misinterpretation on my part (no, I’ve never been in prison - it’s a gay man’s fantasy about all-male environments, gay men romanticize any and all such environments…)

Anyway, I’m glad I got that off my chest. BTW, Sheila is genuinely concerned about my well-being, but she’s also a little bit motherly to me, and Jewish, so, at times, she can be a bit like the Jewish grandmother who wants everyone to “eat! eat!”…

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Just in case you were curious, I’ve heard that, scientifically, women of the same height and build as their male counterpart on average weigh more than that man. I’ll see if I can find a cite later if someone wants one.

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eh… I wouldn’t take it as an insult. Just joke “you’ll be seeing less of me now.” :slight_smile:

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I’m 5’4" and weigh about 115 lbs. It seems to be what my body has decided that its natural weight should be. I don’t diet. (In fact, I can put away half of a large pizza at one sitting.) I can’t explain why I don’t gain weight, especially given my bad eating habits. I just cite metabolism.

A couple of my co-workers have expressed worry over my size. They tell me I’m “too skinny,” and urge food upon me. I swear, one of them packs an extra lunch so she can be comforted by seeing me consume food.

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I’m with you, Lissa. I’m a guy and I’m ultra-skinny (5’9", about 115 lbs) - there’s really nothing I care to do about it. I eat when I’m hungry, I eat until I’m full.

But sweet Christ, I get a lot of comments when I don’t finish everything on my plate.

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heheh Indigo, there is a reason for that… women tend to have certain reserves of fat in uh… certain places :-p
-DLC

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Women are supposed to weigh more than men? I don’t know about that. Men tend to carry more muscle than women thus have more mass. My GF and I are exactly the same height (5’6") and I weigh in at 160 while she’s down at 135. Neither of us would be considered fat (although I’m at the end range of my “healthly” fat index thingy almost in the “yellow” zone) while she’s very comfortable inside the green.

I guess YMMV with something like that since I know several women who could throw me across the room while many of my office lady co-workers probably couldn’t bench 75 lbs.

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I’ve always wondered why people feel free to comment on someone’s weight if they’re thin, but never would say anything to a fat person. I find it very impolite and I’ve let it be known.

The majority of the employees where I work are overweight. One day when I was complaining about it being cold in the office, one of them told me that if I “had more meat on my bones” I wouldn’t always be cold. I promptly replied, “well, if you took some off, you wouldn’t always be hot.” She didn’t speak to me for a while, but I got my point across.

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That is such an unfair stereotype of Jewish women. My Grandmother is definitely Catholic and you get fed each time you walk in the door.

“Great breakfast Grandma, I’ll go get the mail.”

Tromp, tromp, creak, click.

Click, creak, tramp.

“Just Reader’s Digest today.”

“Good, now sit down and eat, you much be hungry.”

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I’ve known a few people who were just naturally thin. Those of us who struggle with weight are deeply jealous and call them bastards every time we see them eating pizza and tim tams. But only in a friendly manner.

Nisosbar, as an aside, do you actually feel pressure on the “you’re too skinny” front from other gay guys who think you should be the muscled gym-toned type? The people you described saying it were women. I’m wondering if that’s a stereotype I jumped to from too much “Queer as Folk” and Sydney Mardi Gras gym queens…

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Female, 45 y.o., 5’7" & 118 lbs. I eat what I want when I want and seem to be the envy of all my contemporaries. Small consideration though is that I also have RA and FM both of which tend to cause weight loss (in some). Doc says 116-123 is perfect for my build, health considerations, etc. For some reason (can’t imagine why), I just don’t want to have to go into all of this with strangers at Wendy’s salad bar so I certainly sympathize.

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I get this quite often, especially from my family. I’m about 5’3" and hover around 100lbs. I am sick of hearing “You’re too skinny, you need to eat,” from friends, family, and strangers alike. I am NOT dangerously thin. I have a healthy storage of fat on my hips and my ass, I promise. I just have a small frame and I carry a little extra weight extremely well, plus I dress to minimize it. I don’t like people assuming I’m sick or have some kind of eating disorder or making a snarky comment if I order a diet coke somewhere.

My standard response has become “And you could certainly stand to lose a few pounds, now what were you saying…?”