No, I didn't poop in my pants. Why do you ask?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So I get out of the shower at the gym this afternoon and get ready to put my pants back on for the trip back to work. WTF? What is all over my pants?

It seems that sometime during the day I managed to sit on something with rich, chocolately goodness. It is smeared all over the seat of my pants, down the inner seam of both legs, and looks just like I took the world’s most satisfying dump in my drawers.

My car seat isn’t smeared with doo-doo. My chair at work isn’t poopalicious. Where on earth did this faux feces come from?

2

Did you leave your pants unattended in the locker room? Perhaps someone is pranking you?

3

Did you smell it? If so, what did it smell like? Is it possible you DID poop your pants and then immediately forgot? Inquiring minds want to know.

4

I have a pretty sensitive sense of smell and I would like to think that had I shit my pants I would have known immediately, but thanks for asking.

And my pants were locked in a locker the entire time I was in the weight room.

The plot thickens…

5

Gosh. Thanks. As if my coworkers don’t already think I am insane – I just burst out laughing like a madwoman at this. I really hope you smelled it to be sure it was chocolately goodness and not someone thinking it’d be easier to wipe his arse on unattended slacks in the locker room than ask for a roll of toilet paper.

Look on the bright side – you could always get an extra day for the long weekend by going into your boss’ office to talk about something mundane, then as you’re leaving, bend over, groan and say “ugh, my stomach has been killing me all day, and I have had the worst gas!” $20 virtual bucks says he/she sends you right home :smiley:

6

Bwahahahaha Litoris! That’s just priceless. Wrong on soooo many levels, but funny as hell.

7

Well? What did it smell like?

The weirdest ones are the ones that don’t smell like anything.

8

Maybe you missed an office birthday party earlier today. Someone noticed, “Oh, plnnr’s not here; I’ll bring him/her a slice of the [chocolate] cake.” That person helpfully left it on your chair. You came in, so engrossed in the printout of this month’s divisional aggregate TPS report that you weren’t paying attention, and you sat down – Squooosh!! – right onto it. The paper plate kept your chair clean, and at some point as you ambled around the office, it fell off your rear.

9

Genius theory.

10

Probably something left in the locker by a previous user. You put said pants into said locker, and voila, skidmarks that would make a drag racer proud.

11

I think it’s locker detritus too.

But I don’t want to think about what it could be. I’m thinking it’s NOT birthday cake.

12

Yeah, I hope those trousers can be washed in HOT water. Or thrown away, if it’s not birthday cake.

13

Are you positive they are YOUR pants? Could they have been a pair left behind by some previous locker occupant? Left behind for obvious reasons? And you picked up and wore the WRONG pair of pants?

14

No smell test? Both chocolate cake and feces have distinctive smells. Do you have any friends with electron microscopes?

15

There’s always the taste test.

16

ROFL!

Also, because nobody else has done it yet…
What’s that smell? :smiley:

17

That happened to me once. I was eating a chocolate bar in the car and dropped a piece. I didn’t notice it, and my body heat melted it and it went all over my pants.

Could that be it?

18

[Wallace]“It’s the wrong trousers Gromit! And they’ve gone wrong!”[/Wallace]

19

We want answers damnit!

20

There’s also the wet. lipless sink countertops at many restaurants. Lean in to adjust your misbehaving contact lens or to pop a zit, and the result resembles that of your drinking a four-dog of St. Ides, and having it beat you to the urinal on the way out.