So, yesterday I held my month-old grandson for a while. It was fine. He made a lot of weird faces and took a dump, which at his age exhausted his repertoire of party tricks. Holding the baby: a dirty job, but somebody’s got to do it. 
Great username/post combination. 
That’s fine, but please don’t complicate the situation with an excuse that sounds like a problem I can fix–“I’d love to, but I am scared I will drop him” could be a “no”, could be a request for instruction/reassurance. Just say “No, thanks”.
I so cracked up reading your post. That’s just how I feel.
Small babies aren’t really vectors, as they just lay in the crib/are held. Once they start crawling, then they become massive disease vectors, and get even worse as they play with other grotty children at preschool, mother’s day out, etc…
I had my revenge though; somehow I contracted the flu recently, and gave it to both kids and my wife, instead of the other way around.
I do. And just last week I eventually asked whether they understood “no” to:
a dude from ACNUR
another from Doctors without Borders
one from the Red Cross
and three different perfume sellers
My brother, who also says “no, thanks”, eventually took to sticking his hands in his pockets whenever our other brother’s crowd (who all seemed to be having babies within months of each other) tried to foist one upon him. In fact, he’d stick them in as soon as he saw the mother looking in his direction. “Please bring them back when they can talk” is his motto when it comes to babies, yet people who have known him since his age was in single digits somehow expected that their baby was the one he’d be dying to hold.
Amuse you how? For instance, would you find feeding them to wolverines amusing?
Me too, though only in the abstract. The reality of it is rather gruesome and messy.
Or so I’ve been told …
Indeed, the boy is in day care surrounded by other little Teutonic Vectors.
I’m trying to think of who else was a Teutonic Vector. It’s on the tip of my tongue …
Oh man, this had me laughing. I relayed the story to my wife and she was cracking up.
“I’d love to, but I am scared I will drop him” sounds like "I’d love to - tell me how to do it safely.
“No thanks, I am scared I will drop him” sounds like “No thanks, I don’t want to”.
If you reply, “Are you sure? I can show you how to hold him safely,” and you get “No thanks, I’m afraid I will drop kick him,” you have your answer.
Don’t respond, “Oh, here you go, just put him in your arms and brace his head” while shoving said infant into the arms of the reluctant victim. If in doubt, ask, not force. Question for clarity, not pressure to comply.
Note, I wouldn’t drop kick the baby. The mother, maybe.
This x 1,000. Everyone who knows me knows I am not into non-verbal children at ALL, yet almost without fail a first time mother will assume that her baby is the one that will show me the error of my ways. The only thing that has stopped this is almost all of my friends are now too old to be having a first child!
I would gladly hold this baby.
it seems to me that a new Mother thinking her baby is special is completely normal and even desirable.
in other words, DUH.
I am VERY disappointed there are no pictures of human caretakers with hair vests.
I wouldn’t think that would translate into her completely losing touch with reality and thinking that everyone else thinks her baby is The One.
Nah, think what the mother would do if you dropped her baby.
Who needs a vest for that? 
The phrase “with extreme prejudice” means “to kill.” No one here is going quite that far.
and that is where you would be wrong. She* really* believes it.
Is she still claiming to be a virgin too?