I have an eating disorder and at one time was severely underweight.
I HATED when people drew attention to my ‘slimness’ because of my disorder. I wasn’t after attention, I was more after just wanting to fade away… and not be seen or noticed.
It was so painful when people would ask about my body or what I ate.
But if I was “normal” and just really slender, I would have no problem using some sharp wity retort or quip in response to those kinda comments.
After all, they are only saying it outta concern not hate.
It’s not something that really bothers me. If I’m at home by myself, the most I’ll eat all day is some ramen noodles or something. It’s a lot easier to eat when I have a schedule, like if I’m at school, I have to eat something before I go (a muffin, some oatmeal, whatever, and a cup of Carnation Instant Breakfast) and a lunch during the day (PB&J, a granola bar or some cookies, and a juice box).
My brother is the same as me–he’s 9, and he weighs about 50 pounds. He’s like a little stick figure.
The “pro-ana” thing is utterly sickening. Do a search for “pro-ana” on Google to find them. Ugh. They tell you how to hide your food from your parents, how to talk yourself into not being hungry, and trade pictures for encouragement (both of really thin people they admire and of fat people to scare themselves)…
I commented to a co-worker recently how she looked in the slacks she was wearing. She said, “You really think so?” and I said, joking, “Yes, enough to make me want to slap you for being so thin.”
We both laughed about it, but I realize now that was rather rude. After all, I don’t comment to a co-worker on how her dress makes her ass look huge. Why should I do the same on the other swing of the pendulum?
Next time, a “You look very nice today. I like those slacks” will suffice.
Thanks for the perspective, guys. I learned something today.
I know what you mean, Nichol. It’s not the end of the world, but it is irritating to get remarks like that. It’s not that I don’t mind being thin; I like it, as a matter of fact. What I don’t like is anyone presuming it’s their business if I am, or deciding that their opinion should factor into my way of life.
After all, it’s one thing if someone compliments you. I don’t think I would have been horribly upset at ivylass’s comments. But if someone implies you’re anorexic, well, that’s obviously not a compliment. Years ago, a doctor (none too subtly) implied that I was anorexic, when I’m obviously not. Where’s the fun in having an ass that just won’t quit when you’re going to be compared to a concentration camp victim? So, basically if you’re going to comment on someone else’s appearance, either make it good, or don’t say anything at all.
Just another it-also-sucks-if-you’re-a-guy post. Six feet and 132 lbs on a good day. “Boy, we need to feed you!” Hey, fuck you too. I can eat most of a pizza or a large value meal easily, and I do more often than I should… it just all goes straight to my arteries, I think. That makes me have this face: :mad:
I prefer the term “flexible,” as in, “There’s no fat in the way.” Also as in, “I’m flexible enough to kick your nose into your brain.” Not that I ever would, but the footprints on my walls speak volumes.
I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa when I was in middle school. I had classmates make fun of me, friends of my mom ask her if I had cancer, people constantly telling me “Eat, eat, you’re too skinny!” But one of the worst was when, after finding out about my disease, people would say to me, “Why, I’d love to have your problem!”
Oh yes, wouldn’t you love to be able to gaze in the mirror at skin and bones at see nothing but fat? Wouldn’t you love to be afraid of food and eating to the point where you start to cry when a plate of food is in front of you? How about being freezing cold all the time and having your fingers turn purple from lack of blood flow? How dare you imply that my life is all just fun and games because I’m anorexic and I need to gain weight? It’s a psychological problem that is far deeper than simply what you eat and the number on the scale.
I’ve since recovered and am now at a normal weight. But can’t help remembering some people’s insensitive comments. Think before you speak or pass judgment, no matter who you are talking to.
That’s very admirable SpasticKitty. There’s not much worse I’ve seen in this world than people starving themselves to death…all the while somehow thinking they are fat.
The fact that you were about to beat this shows that you are a very strong person indeed.
I feel lucky because my parents, my friends, and my doctors recognized the illness and were able to get me help. Recovery and therapy were tough and painful, but I think I was able to beat anorexia pretty quickly, all things considered. I hear and read about people who have suffered from eating disorders practically all their lives, and it makes me sad to think about what damage they are doing to their health and how miserable they must feel.
I really don’t think most people intend to be rude and insensitive about eating disorders. They really just don’t know what to say because they don’t understand the nature of the illness of how serious it really is.
After I was diagnosed, I started going to therapy once a week with a psychologist. The problem usually runs much deeper than just weight and food, so she had me talk about my life and my family. For awhile, she had my mom, my dad, and my sister come in with me for an extra session once a week to talk about family problems. I think that really helped me because we got a lot of our built-up anger and feelings out in the open.
As I told the psychologist about a lot of the things I was feeling and how I felt sad a lot, she thought I might be experiencing clinical depression, which runs in my family. She referred me to a psychiatrist, who diagnosed me and put me on a small dose of Paxil. The Paxil really did help me, and I started to feel “normal” and happy with my life. That helped my recovery tremendously.
As I said in an earlier post, I have been “recovered” for a long time…almost 6 years. I am still on Paxil, though, so I still see a psychiatrist every few months to monitor my dosage. The Paxil helped my recovery, but it was in no way my only recovery. I think regular therapy is the most effective form of recovery, because it helps the patient get to the root of their problems with weight and food. When the patient actively works out their issues, they are able to look back on their lives and see where they were wrong and how they can change in the future.
A pill may provide a “quick fix”, but I believe that only after intensive therapy and introspection can someone be truly recovered.
And I also understand that some people never “truly recover” in much the same way that some alcoholics never “truly recover”; the thought-patterns and the dangerous responses are still there, and they can recur if they’re not uprooted whenever they manifest.
(I have several friends who’ve got eating disorders in their past; one tends to be Very Careful when doing dietary modifications, because the patterns can go off in dangerous directions from there, and another has flickerings of the old body-image stuff to fight off occasionally.)
I have two very slender friends who get similar insults constantly. Family and friends are just as rude as random strangers, as if by caring about the person they’re insulting they are expecting some sort of manners bypass.
It’s always fun when either of the two friends recieve these comments in my company, being a rather voluptuous woman I simply ask the commenter if they have anything similarly inane to say about me. It’s almost like the overweight have already fought this battle and joe public is conditioned not to make insulting comments, but the underweight folks are just starting the same fight.
It does happen. I’m not going to complain about the evil eye I get from some women because I’m what’s considered the ideal weight, since the benefits outweigh the hassles. But I hear lots of comments like the one ivylass mentioned. I remember one time this woman I knew telling me she hated me for having a flat stomach and I laughed and she said she wasn’t kidding. It was an issue that would occasionally rise to the surface with my best friend during my teenage years. There are cool overweight women who are comfortable with themselves, but there are others who The problem is we put way too much emphasis on how people look in our society. We end up with fat people who are bitter because of all the shit people give them, and skinny people who are anorexic, etc. Has anyone ever noticed that people you like look good to you? Looks only matter before you get to know someone. Why are we so hung up on this shit?
Chula is right. It doesn’t matter whether you are overweight or underweight, or even just the right weight. People will comment all day long about it. If you have a nice body, you get harassed every day because of it and if you don’t you get treated badly as well. If you have big boobs, men don’t look you in the eye or if you have a nice butt you get comments from men walking behind you. It’s rude and it’s embarassing in any of these situations. I really wish it weren’t a society where all women have to feel self conscious about the way they look.
Another scrawny non-anorexic here. Get this: I had a teacher in college that “knew” I was an anorexic because of the way I looked and the fact that I was pulling down straight A’s. When the class was assigned a paper with a choice of topics, I was told to do mine on anorexia. (Fine by me, there’s loads of information on it, it was the easiest paper I ever wrote.) The point is, he wanted me to do that topic so that I would see he was right and admit I had an eating disorder!:eek:
I had another experience in high school (ironically, in a class where I was not doing the work) where I was sent to the guidance counselor during class without being told why. When I got there, the counselor told me the teacher was worried that I had anorexia. :rolleyes:
So, basically if you’re going to comment on someone else’s appearance, either make it good, or don’t say anything at all.