What’s that supposed to mean? That because I love my child I don’t defend her right to be a human being with all the rights that human beings should enjoy against those who wish to abridge those rights? That’s a long sentence. Let me rephrase. There are those who think that because my wife and I have a child, we should not be allowed to take that child to, say, expensive restaurants or movies. They think that our child should not be allowed to enjoy fine food or cinema. A parent filled with love should say, “Fine. My child is subhuman”?
Oh goody, I’ve gotten myself into another p*ssing contest over authorial intent.
My comment, stofsky, was meant to be a sarcastic poke in the ribs to you for coming into a thread which was obviously intended to be by, for, and of the child-free, and beginning to rant. Since you appear to have missed the title of this thread it’s: "No kids, don’t want any? Post here… " Who invited you?
I genuinely love other peoples well behaved children. When children are not well behaved, I usually blame the parent, not the kid, for allowing obnoxious behavior.
I also genuinely love being the greatest/craziest uncle on both sides of the family. With no kids of my own competing for attention, time, and resources, I can give my neices and nephews things their parents cannot.
I too was told that I would want children when I got “older”. What I really wanted when I was older was a vasectomy.
I told Mrs. Bandersnatch when we first started going out that if procreation was a requirement, as much as I would hate to lose her, she really should continue looking for Mr. Right.
The short answer when poeple ask, and I don’t want to tell them NFB, is that I am selfish. The reality is that I know I would suck as a parent. Many do, and refuse to admit it.
I have 3 children. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to not have any kids. When I see a married couple without kids, I feel envy and sympathy.
This universe of ours is full of checks and balances. My children give me such a profound feeling of joy sometimes. It stands to reason that because of the joy they bring, the also must create a profound sense of horror, or disappointment or sadness. I have felt both. I wouldn’t trade away a single moment of either.
It doesn’t bother me when childless couples say things like…“Sure…I like kids…well…well behaved kids anyways…” Comments like that just illustrate that they haven’t the foggiest idea what children are like. (full time)
My life would be much simpiler if I were childless. Christ, sitting through two hours of Christmas concerts is hellish enough, but when lil’ Johnny gets up on stage for two and a half minutes, it all seems worth it.
Don’t take offence to my sympathy comment above. I know the kid joy that you are not feeling…that’s all I mean by that.
Twice was I subjected to the “I thought you were married!” for no reason. “But you have a ring and a washer and dryer!”
Goddamn senior citizens. . . I bought the pair thinking I could use them and I wear a ring on my pinky. Wooooo . . .
In any case, I don’t think I’m ready to settle down. Someday, like when I’m 39 or something, I’ll help make [iLi’l Trip*, but I have absolutely no plans now. I travel too much and have too much fun what I’m doing.
So, when people ask me if I’m married, I respond with the big Hell No!
Tripler
Love and Marriage. It’s an institute you can’t disparage. Ask the local Gentry.
I don’t want kids, but I’m glad my parents did. Like quite a few, I like the fact that I can get up and go whenever I want. I don’t have to squirrel away half of my pay for kids clothes, school/college or to buy them a happy meal.
I’m not saying I never would, just that I really don’t think I ever want any.
No kids and don’t want any, even though I enjoy them so long as they belong to someone else.
I have many reasons for this, but I think it’s just because I was a weird little bugger as a kid myself and noticed too many things in my family. I have brothers and sisters and each time one of them got real sick as a kid, I keenly recall the great worry of my parents, the rush to the doctors or to the emergency room. I remember the anxiety of my folks when my sister or brother was very late getting home, especially at night, the normal arguments, the problems and so on. When I grew up, I found myself working real hard for just a little bit of money and watched newly married not only struggling to pay the rent, but suddenly they just had to pop a kid and there went their meager savings and the husband had to work two jobs, then, later, the wife had to go to work also.
I just did not want the responsibility and I must say that it has affected my personal life because it seems that, as a young man, 4 out of 5 girl friends wanted kids and I didn’t. As an older man now, it seems that 4 out of 5 women already have young kids in tow and I don’t want them either.
I’ve learned from my siblings who are married that each child is not only an enormous investment in emotions and time, but expensive as heck. That alone makes me scowl at these girls who seem to spit out several kids by several guys and collect child support from a few and welfare for the rest or guys bragging about how many kids they whelped on various women and they aren’t married.
Another question I have long pondered! Children? Probably not for me. I don’t feel that I would make a very good parent when I can barely look after myself. Also there’s no partner anywhere on the horizon. My mom was a single parent, though not by choice, and she did a fine job but I think she’s made of sterner stuff than I. (Six kids, no convictions.)
I love being an Auntie though. Out of our whole group only one brother has reproduced so far but he came up with a corker. My nephew is great. I just wish he didn’t live so far away.
Something my brother said makes me think a lot though. He said he didn’t want to be old and alone so that’s one reason he wanted a kid. I really don’t want to be old and alone either, but… maybe I will be. Who else is obligated to hang around an old crone but her kid?
Anyway, I just can’t see it for me. And I’m fast approaching the point at which it will become a moot issue anyway.
Well. I haven’t had children (& at 43 & heavily involved with a vasectomised man) am not likely to! I find it interesting that most people posting here say they don’t want children for their own sake (peace & quiet, more disposable income) than for the child’s sake.
I remember saying as early as 11 years old that I did not want to have kids because there were already too many that people did not want; that if I did, I would adopt. as I grew older, I decided I wouldn’t have children unless I was in a stable relationship, and able to take off their preschool years to raise them.
That never happened; ergo, I am childless. (Though I take great delight in my nieces & nephew, and really enjoy talking to, & hanging out with, children.)
I have noticed that many of my close friends are lesbians. Our common bond is our dogs, and caretaker-type volunteer work. I honestly believe that a caretaking gene is hardwired into many, if not most, women. I have had volunteer “jobs” for years & years; fairly challenging ones. Also, I am a mama bear about my dogs.
The ironic thing is, that I would have been a wonderful mother, because I’m so cognisant of the awesome responsibility. I did go through some biological angst in my mid-late thirties, though I really enjoy my life child-free now. I just hope for my siblings to keep popping out babies!
Thanks to all of you people who are forthright about your disinclination to have children. It’s refreshing to see folks who haven’t buckled under to, what I perceive, the overwhelming societal pressure to breed. Good for you!
As a single parent of three adolescents I can’t say you’re missing much, unless you fancy neverending drama. At least my churning masses of hormones manage to behave themselves in public.
Nothing against kids, but I have no desire for any of my own. Nothing against people who choose to have them, either-- as long as they are responsible parents.
What irks me a little is feeling pressured to come up with reasons not to have them. There’s no shortage of people. If anyone should have to explain themselves (not that they should), it ought to be the ones who do have them.
I’m happily making myself extinct - and glad to know I have some company. I figure, if evolution has worked for so long and so hard to produce something so absolutely perfect (ahem), there’s no point in trying to recreate it. I’m it. I’m the peak - it’s all downhill from here for my gene pool. It’s time to break this mold!
That and I’m incredibly lazy.
I keep a sort of running list in my head of reasons why I don’t have children and I’m up to about 43,068 - they include all the ones already mentioned. Basically I decided to give motherhood a skip once I realized I could skip it, that I had the choice. I’ve got nothing against kids - hell, I am one in many ways, even at the advanced age of 44 - just don’t put me in charge of any; I’m liable to be a bad influence.
Well, as I told TroubleAgain, I love children, and it’d be difficult to vote all my lovely female friends off of DRY’s Survivor-Mating-Island.
[sub]Oh, who am I kidding? Beggars can’t be choosers. I’m not even a particularly adept beggar.[/sub]
Seriously, I do love kids. I’m not sure I’d want to get married unless children were a possibility (I’m not anti-relationship, I just don’t see much point in the legal entanglements if children weren’t a factor.)
I did not have children for one reason: I was severly abused as a child, and everything I’ve read says that abused children tend to become abusive parents. I’d rather not have children than risk being an abusive parent. Another family legacy.
Wow, this is interesting…I wasn’t trying to stir up any negative sentiments toward people who are or want to be parents…just wanted those of us who don’t want them to have a chance to talk about our feelings on the subject.
The fact is that the childless-by-choice people are usually either told they’ll change their minds later, or told that they don’t know what they’re missing, or told that they have a responsibility to have kids. Now, I’ll be 35 years old next month, and I’m pretty sure I know my mind on this subject. I don’t want to be 55 when my kid graduates highschool, and my husband certainly doesn’t want to be 61 at that time. We both feel like the optimum time for us to have kids has passed, and we are just fine with that. And besides, like I said, we like our lifestyle and marriage just the way it is, thank you. Not to mention the stress of parenting (and doing it right), which I feel would be too much for me with my anxiety disorder.
I’ll just be happy with the company of the children that are in my life (nieces and nephews and my 5YO foster sister) and continue being “mommy” to my 4 furry, four-legged kids.
Annie—Give yourself a little more credit. My mother was an abused child, and she’s a wonderful mother. “I would never put my children through what I went through,” she always said. It’s bad enough having been an abused child, without idiots telling you,“oh, well that means you’re BOUND to be an abusive parent!” Ba-nanner oil.
Stofsky—No one is taking issue with your child being in a movie theater or restaurant, as long as she behaves herself. The fact that the only adjective you yourself use to describe her is “argumentative” makes me wonder . . . If she starts to yell and scream and kick, you WOULD take her outside, yes?
