I don’t want to have kids at all. My fiance really does though. He insists that I don’t want any right now cuz I’m only 18, and I’ll feel differently in the future, but I don’t think so.
I have nothing against children. I like other people’s children. Fussy kids at movies and restaurants don’t bother me, I just shrug and say “Eh, they’re crying, that’s what babies do. No biggie.” But I just have no desire to have my own children.
This may be a problem since my fiance does want kids. I already decided that if we do sometime in the future opt for children, we will adopt. I don’t think I should be adding people to the world.
How did I miss this thread? I am 36, don’t have kids and don’t want any. I have pets and I am happy. The responsibility of having children is staggering, and I have never been the most resposible person in the world. I take excellent care of my animals, but I have always thought I’d make a terrible mother. I broke off an engagement with a wonderful guy because I could see he wanted kids and I didn’t. I enjoy spending time with my neices and nephews, and those kids like me! But children of my own? No, thanks.
It’s interesting that the people who don’t want kids seem to have spent a lot of time thinking about it, and have made a decision that they consider best for themselves and for the possible children. Do people that have kids do this kind of soul-searching before making the decision to become pregnant? I read a statistic a few years ago that stated that over 50% of people who have children would not have them if they had their lives to do over again; I read a statistic in “Maxim” magazine just this week that said that 6% of Americans list their children as the most important things in their lives (45% listed their car as the most important thing). I’ve also read a quote from some famous person who said “Having children is the hardest thing you’ll ever do. Don’t do it if you don’t want them with all your heart and all your soul.” Food for thought, ya know?
Pepperlandgirl, I have never wanted kids, and that has never changed for me (I’m 34 now). You and your fiance may have your work cut out for you to figure this one out, I’m afraid. Best wishes for you and him.
I don’t have children and have never regretted it. Maybe it’s because I had to weigh the matter early. Due to a fluke medical thing, discovered when I was a teenager, I could possibly conceive but there were significant risks against delivering a healthy child. I decided the risks were unacceptable and never looked back.
For one thing, I’m not sure I’d be a good parent. I suspect the best parents are ones with a strong desire to have children versus vaguely wandering into the situation. I mean the day-to-day realities of real kids. Parenthood is too challenging and all-consuming to just take a chance it’ll all work out. (IMO.) I simply don’t have the need and drive necessary.
It used to bother when Mom would hint that I should push the odds and try for a child anyway. She’d say, “Oh, you’d be thrilled once you had one.” Well, helluva risk to run if the thrill didn’t happen, y’know? Childrearing is so huge that mere acceptance or ambivalence doesn’t really cut it.
Second, call me weird, but I draw a total emotional blank on the concept of “passing on a bit of myself.” I look at old family photos, see resemblences and intellectually grasp genetic flow but damned if I can grasp how it matters. Nothing howlingly significant or unique “lives on” through the generic grab-bag of DNA.
Childlessness isn’t less, it’s just different.
Veb
I hadn’t seen this thread, but now that I have…you guys have got it good, the kids just have to go.
What’s the most humane method?
I didn’t care one way or the other - if we had them fine, if not - well, that was fine too. I never felt the ‘baby hunger’ that many women profess to have (I call it whining or narcissism, but that’s just me). So of course we had a child - a wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, (now) young woman who disrupted my life, made me tear my hair out while she was in her teens. Difficult? Yes. Would I prefer she’d never been born? Absolutely not.
But now I’m in a new phase - I guess you could call it ‘grandma hunger.’ My daughter has decided not to have children and that’s perfectly fine with me. I have people lecturing me that there’s something wrong with her, that she’s not normal, that I should say or do something to her. When I explain that it’s a deeply personal choice and one that I have no business interfering with, I get this reaction: “You didn’t care whether or not you had children so obviously you were a bad mother. If you had been a good mother your daughter would want to emulate you.” One of the nice things about getting older - you really don’t give a shit.
Maybe because of my ambivalent attitude toward parenthood, she and I developed a bond that is as strong as any I’ve seen with child and parent. We talked it all out through the years - there were many times when I told her I hadn’t a clue about solving a problem we were having - let’s figure it out together. We did and we still do. God, how I love my kid!