Scroll down this page to the section on “Decorative Stitches” and there’s a video demonstrating “Creating Basic Bobbles.” (This is the most useful knitting site on the internet!)
To Monday:
Fuck you with a rusty steel fence post.
Let us start at the beginning, shall we?
Kids almost miss bus, husband late and no sex, dog farting in bed so bad made my eyes water, missed my favorite daily phone call, 100 or so stupid emails, husband forgot garage door opener to get into jobsite 45 minutes away, oh, hey, honey can you bring it by? 4 year old kid throws up on chair, couple of loads of laundry, the 60,000 in a/r seems to be dragging it’s feet, (fuck you, Indy mac and your fucking stupid policies, and all you homeowners, you know who you are.) (but thank you, roofer, for calling me, glad you had a nice vacation) fuck you mailman for not picking up the 88 invites to the party, my annual social insanity one with about 150-200 people over that I need to start doing stuff for, so people don’t think we live like animals, my stupid annual workers comp audit, my accountant meeting on Weds that I am completely unprepared for, my 9 year old’s reluctance to do anything, my 7 year old’s incredibly involved multimedia report, my 13 year old’s piss poor attitude yesterday while playing with me, and last but not least, my first day of school this semester. Spent about 7 hours total today fucking around with it, can’t even print off the syllabi(?) and the page loads take forever, neither comp is working worth a shit, and I can’t figure out why. The only thing I have to show for the last 7 hours is a caffeine buzz, a couple of intro posts, and a serious attitude problem.
And I almost lost this post, which probably would have made me go look for a BFH to take care of all my computer problems, tout suite.
The number 0 and the capital letter O look identical when used for game activiation codes. Correct this situation immediately please.
Thanks to Ivylass and Mama Tiger for the advice about knitting. 
I seem to have struck a chord with this one. Or maybe the fabulous last nerve.
Query to fellow ranters: Are your on-ramps also going up with the hill on your left?
You stupid, lying assholes! You told me to submit my report a week before your holiday so you’d have time to look it over and pay me before your office reopened in mid January. So I did! It required an insane amount of work and long hours for the whole team, but we pulled it off and got it to you on time. This is our only source of income at the moment, and we’re desperate for it.
I cannot believe you didn’t review my report like you said you would. It’s so obvious you’re just reviewing it now. All that hard work for nothing, and now we’re coming up on things we need to pay for using the money you owe us! Oh my god how do you stay in business, you stupifyingly horrible fools?!
(I love these minirant threads – they’re such a necessity sometimes!)
To my body: Thanks so much, it’s always pleasant waking up with the Flaming Urethra of Death ™. One more UTI and I’m taking a pair of pliers to my own bits. :mad:
This wasn’t worthy of a full pit:
I just watched a commercial for Goldfish. The cracker snack so many enjoy. It was a bunch of animated goldfish playing around in a child’s room. Kinda cute,nothing special. Except that when one of the goldfish starting playing around, sliding down Hot Wheels track there was a disclaimer 'PROFESSIONAL STUNTMAN, DO NOT ATTEMPT!"
Its a cartoon, a computer generated cartoon. Our now has so many warning labels on everything they no longer have any real effect.
Second cow-orker rant in two weeks… yikes!
Ok, I get it that you don’t celebrate Christmas, or birthdays. That your type of worship precludes that. And that you get to play your “Religion” card whenever someone says something that offends you. Actually, we, your coworkers don’t like you because you are a back-stabbing hypocrite. Not because of your flavour of churchiness.
BUT
If you get to book off work because the patient Christmas party offends you, and you get to skip out on contributing to the bosse’s and the floor doctor’s Christmas present, (because you dont celebrate that way) why do you partake of the shwag? Especially the gifts the doctors and bosses bought us, since you didnt kick in for anything for them?
But mostly, stop being a backstabbing hypocrite and kissing boss-ass. You aren’t “all friendless and alone with no back up” because of where you go to church, its because you havent got a clue how to cultivate friends.
Damn right. California has a law saying that if you’re using your wipers, your lights must be on. That’s too hard for lots of Bay Area drivers. But this morning we had pea soup fog, and that still wasn’t enough to get 10% of drivers to turn on their damn lights.
Morons.
I’ve got the flu, my group’s film project landed almost entirely in my lap, meaning a 20 minute presentation on Thursday through the flurry of snot and coughing. The department head still hasn’t answered my emails, phone calls, or personal visits regarding my research project. If I don’t get my project paperwork in by Friday I have to magically either: pull 2-4 extra units from somewhere a fifth of the way through the term or take 18 units next quarter to graduate on time.
Someone shoot me.
I drive with my headlights on all the time; apparently silver Corollas are virtually invisible on the road (as evidenced by all the big vehicles cutting me off). I figure I need all the visibility I can get.
As in, the rants are small. The cars are of all sizes.[ul][]If you smoke, use your ashtray. The one in your car, usually located near the middle bottom of the dashboard. Right next to or under the lighter you used a few minutes ago. The road is not an ashtray, and I’m tired of the assholes who think tossing their butts out a window is an acceptable disposal option.[]This road is one lane each way. I don’t care if you want to go around me because you want to go straight through the intersection and I’m waiting to turn left and the turn lane is full enough to keep me in the regular lane. You do not get to go around me on the shoulder and partially off the road because you might oh-my-og!!! be a minute or two later than you might otherwise be if you waited for me to be able to move forward. You double-especially don’t get to drift into the road in front of me before you finish passing me, you moron, because I don’t want to have my mirror taken off because you’re in a hurry to get up to that red light. Hey! How’s that impatience working out for you, Mr. Waiting for the Green Light?[]Use your turn signal. You know, that lever on the steering column? Makes a light on your dashboard go blinky and starts a ticking noise? Yeah, that one. Use it when you need it, so I know if it’s safe to turn in front of you. Turn it off if you don’t, so I know it isn’t safe to turn in front of you. I do not like to play Red Light/Green Light at 6:30 in the morning; I’m just not awake enough for that.[]Speaking of car features, try to remember that the skinny pedal on the right makes the car go forward, and that pushing it down further means the car goes forward faster. Stop waiting for that engraved invitation. No one likes you enough to send you one right now, especially not me.[]If you expect to be raptured, please pull over and put the car in park. I don’t want to find myself behind a driverless car on the open highway.[]When visibility is approximately 20 feet or less with headlights because of rain, snow, or fog, SLOW THE FUCK DOWN AND BACK THE FUCK OFF MY TAILPIPE!!! I’m not telling you to creep at 5 mph with a 1,000 foot gap, but 70 mph with a 3 inch gap is so, so not a good idea. Go away. You fail the consideration for others test, the my IQ is equivalent to a boiled potato test, and the basic physics for drivers test.And that semi you’re thinking of cutting off? Weighs a lot more than you do and has a much longer stopping distance. Welcome to your new life as a flapjack, you jackass.[/ul]
Dear Canada Post.
Please hire workers that can read.
I don’t care whether it’s the sorter, or the actual mail carrier, or the elf that sneaks in and mends shoes.
This is the 4th time we’ve had to complain that our mail is getting delivered to the wrong house. I know that the city has chosen to name streets rather confusingly, but 123 Bear Circle is really quite different from 123 Bear Drive. Especially since we have these lovely things called postal codes.
While I’m at it; dear people who live at 123 Bear Drive. Thank you so much for dropping off our mail that’s been delivered to your house. I really appreciate it. But could you stop opening it first?
I try to tell myself that if they were really interested in things like stealing my identity, they probably wouldn’t bother to drop my mail off after they’d read it - but it’s just one of those little nagging worries that I don’t need.
I said no. Asking the question again doesn’t change my response. I strongly suspect that you want me to do what you asked because you didn’t read the instructions. The follow up question I asked you was meant to illicit whether or not you’d read the instructions. When you blow off my question and just ask me to “fix it”, the answer will be no.
For that matter, could they hire people who actually deliver the mail?
I get mail on Tuesdays. And on Thursdays. Only. Even on Child Tax Credit days. (Really. Im the only one in Canada that gets my CTB cheque on the 23rd?)Or the “Harper here’s two days of child care for you, and you’ll be taxed on it” days…
(Still looking for a really pithy name for that. I hate those cheques, but I cash 'em anyway. I spend them on beer and bingo to make Mike Harris proud*)
Seriously, really, does mail only exist for me those two days a week? I live in a house, in a neighbourhood, not six days by camel caravan from the post office. Why does my mail deliverer only bother Tuesdays and Thursdays. Christmas week I got no mail at all.
Maybe it just works out that way? :rolleyes:
*Not really. I usually hit the book store with my kid, take him to a kiddy concert, or something like that with the money. This month’s is going for skating lessons.
Some goes into an RESP. But I still pay taxes on it… However that is not mini rant material …
Oh before anyone asks, my daycare I pay every two weeks when I get paid. One third for my mortgage, one third goes to daycare and one third is wheeeeee! Bills, gas, food, everything else anyone could possibly need. Now that school is back in its only 5 instead of 7 days of childcare. Not quite a third. More like a quarter. Yay. I still pay more than double every two weeks what that Harper cheque gives me per month.
I thought it was beer and popcorn
I get mine direct deposited. Easier that way. Took them three tries to get it right, but they got there in then end.
And mine pays for 1/10 of my daycare. Oh, pre-tax. After tax? I never bothered to figure it out. Probably closer to 1/15th.
I’m guessing that this is a function of the Bear Drive folks operating on auto-pilot when they check their mail. You know–mail’s delivered in their private box or through the slot in their door, it’s not likely to be for anyone else, so they open it without verifying the addressee, only to discover that it is, in fact, not theirs and has been misdelivered.
I’ve made that mistake in the past when I lived in places where I had a private mailbox, and I’ve felt awful about it every time, even though it wasn’t my fault. Of course, after I’ve delivered it to the intended recipient, I’ve left them know that I opened it without even checking the addressee information. The Bear Drive folks are probably thinking that you, too, have assumed as much about them.
Anyway, incompetent mail service? Yeah, we’ve got it south of the border, too.
To Mother Nature .
Please freeze up again.
Our main back road has been shut down by THE MAN because it is deemed Impassable.
This just fucks up the commute.