No Mini-Rants Thread, So I'm Fucking Doing One.

The BBQ Pit
201

[QUOTE=Li’l Pluck]
I’m guessing that this is a function of the Bear Drive folks operating on auto-pilot when they check their mail. You know–mail’s delivered in their private box or through the slot in their door, it’s not likely to be for anyone else, so they open it without verifying the addressee, only to discover that it is, in fact, not theirs and has been misdelivered.

I’ve made that mistake in the past when I lived in places where I had a private mailbox, and I’ve felt awful about it every time, even though it wasn’t my fault. Of course, after I’ve delivered it to the intended recipient, I’ve left them know that I opened it without even checking the addressee information. The Bear Drive folks are probably thinking that you, too, have assumed as much about them.

Anyway, incompetent mail service? Yeah, we’ve got it south of the border, too.
[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I know. But it’s happened a few times now…so I hope at least now they’ll start checking the envelopes quickly before ripping it open. That’s far more likely than our lovely mail system actually delivering it to the right place the first time.

202

Dear AARP.

I’m barely 46 years old. WTF are you doing sending me an invitation to join?

203

Fuck you, you ratty-haired fuckin retard. You know what you call a real estate broker with no fucking deals lined up?

UNEMFUCKINGPLOYED, YA DUMB CUNT.

Oh, oh, what was that sound? That was the sound of my dinner reservation being canceled! Well gee thanks, cumbucket. I didn’t want to drive to South Miami and hobnob with important, attractive people anyway. Exactly, yes, nothing like a room full of fake tits and good booze to ruin my evening, you know? So glad you decided to fuck up my world tonight.

Listen to me, fucker. Yes, it’s a wintry economic climate out there. Yes, times are tough. Want know what the rest of the fucking world does when they can’t make their mortgage payments?

THEY GET A JOB WHEREVER THEY FUCKING CAN.

Grrrr! Lazy shit!

204

[QUOTE=the Lady]
Dear Canada Post.
Please hire workers that can read.
I don’t care whether it’s the sorter, or the actual mail carrier, or the elf that sneaks in and mends shoes.
This is the 4th time we’ve had to complain that our mail is getting delivered to the wrong house. I know that the city has chosen to name streets rather confusingly, but 123 Bear Circle is really quite different from 123 Bear Drive. Especially since we have these lovely things called postal codes.
While I’m at it; dear people who live at 123 Bear Drive. Thank you so much for dropping off our mail that’s been delivered to your house. I really appreciate it. But could you stop opening it first?
I try to tell myself that if they were really interested in things like stealing my identity, they probably wouldn’t bother to drop my mail off after they’d read it - but it’s just one of those little nagging worries that I don’t need.
[/QUOTE]

We don’t seem to get mail on Fridays. Not never, but getting mail on Fridays is rare. I’ve never understood that - our postie has Fridays off, is all I can figure.

We were having a bitch of a time getting mail delivered incorrectly to our address sent to the correct address - I woud write on it to inform them that they delivered it to an address that wasn’t on the envelope, and it would keep coming back here. It got awfully frustrating - you can deliver that letter here again and again, but this will never be that address.

205

Yeah, we don’t get mail on Fridays either.

206

Can’t even a simple trip to Lowe’s be done without any sort of medical-related DRAMA in my fucking household?

I don’t know who I’m ranting against. Heaven forfuckingfend I have one normal week getting to plan a normal life like a normal fucking family.

207

[QUOTE=Morgyn]
snort What kind of civil engineer designs an on-ramp with a SHORT merge when you can’t see the highway from the ramp to check and see if there’s room to merge in the first place?
[/QUOTE]

How about the idiots who designed the Merritt/Wilbur Cross Parkways here in Connecticut, with NO merge lanes, and STOP SIGNS at the end of the on-ramps?!

This forces through-traffic into the left lane to avoid rear-ending people who enter the highway going 10 mph, which further screws up traffic flow.

208

To the fellow I ride the bus with sometimes:

No, I won’t knit you a sweater. It wasn’t that funny the first time you asked; it’s certainly not funny after a dozen or so times. No, I won’t knit you a sweater or a pair of socks, either. Now leave me alone.

Sheesh! Yes, I’ve been knitting socks for my bridesmaids on the bus. However, I’ve got far too many knitting projects lined up and one of these days I’d like to make something for myself. I swear I’m close to getting an estimate for the number of hours requred to knit an extra laorge man’s sweater and presenting him with an invoice for hours and materials required to make him one. I figure if I price myself right, it could come to over $1,000. I’ve already told him it takes a year to make one and today I told him asking me to make him a sweater really wasn’t all that funny. He sulkily apologized for not being funny enough for me. :rolleyes:

209

[QUOTE=Siege]
I’ve already told him it takes a year to make one and today I told him asking me to make him a sweater really wasn’t all that funny. He sulkily apologized for not being funny enough for me. :rolleyes:
[/QUOTE]

Maybe we can find a way to sic my repetitive guy on your repetitive guy, and let them annoy each other to death?

210

I hate people who act like I’m the one being a bitch when I fail to laugh at their totally unwelcome jokes which interrupt me while I’m minding my own business. Jerks.

211

Hey Asshole Bastards at hotmail,

Could you please let me into my email account? I’ve been unable to access it for over two hours. This is the second day in a row I’ve had this problem.

You suck!

212

To whoever decided to yack up a hairball on the dining room table-all over my lab coat*-what the fuck were you thinking? Why, oh why did you have to do so when I have to go back to work tomorrow-you couldn’t have done so yesterday?
So now I’ll have to borrow one tomorrow, and it’ll probably be one of the huge ones that go down past my knees.

*At the science center, we wear bright red labcoats as our uniform.

213

Why do people insist on sending messages by Facebook instead of e-mail?

There are only two possibilities.

  1. I get an e-mail notifying me that you’ve sent me a FB message, so I click over to Facebook, and if the site is working (not a guarantee), I click “inbox,” then click on your message. If I want to, say, FIND your message again in the future (something I can do extremely well with Gmail or in fact any other e-mail system I’ve used), I can’t. So we’ve taken several extra steps and more time to accomplish the same task less effectively.

  2. Having gotten sick of the above exchange, I turn off my e-mail notification. So your FB message sits in the FB inbox until I happen to (a) go to Facebook and (b) notice that I have new messages, and don’t immediately assume they are spammy messages (because they usually are). So I click on “inbox” and then carry on as above.

Oh, of only there was an easier way! A way that would require only ONE step instead of all of those!

And just now, I get a FB message from someone I’ve been exchanging e-mails with all bloody day. So I respond on FB and it freezes and I just now learn that my response was never sent. Ah well. Not my problem.

214

Tiny rants twofer, one past, one future:

  1. Bite me, managers who managed to schedule a “Holiday appreciation lunch” a damn month after the holidays – and book it at the same place as last year, which we’ve mocked and complained about all year. Yes, the “Ponderosa – but you’re only allowed to have the salad bar” probably seemed like a great option if you couldn’t get into fancy places like White Castle or Waffle House. But I damn well told you it was crap last year, and wasn’t going again before you failed to show any appreciation for your workers and let the same planner decide things again this year. So don’t look so surprised when I openly sneer at your attempts at guilting me for not going, in the middle of a completely unrelated meeting.

Damn right, I didn’t go. I called up some old friends and had a very nice lunch at the Bread Co. Good food I had to pay for beats all the batter-fried gristle I could eat for free, any day.

  1. Bite me, also, New Year’s Resolution People who will be thronging the Y tonite, ignoring completely all the machine use rules you just learned from your orientation last week. Yes, I DID sign up for that machine. That’s the rule. No you DID NOT sign up for it, so you have to go. No, I AM NOT going to inconvenience myself for “just a few minutes” because you were an idiot and want to chat with your friend some more. Why, yes, all the other machines ARE being used – by people who signed up for them.

If the swim pool wasn’t strangely not-oversold on classes, I’d probably have exploded the past weeks… and I’ve got low blood pressure (usually).

215

[QUOTE=Lightray]
<snip>2. Bite me, also, New Year’s Resolution People who will be thronging the Y tonite, ignoring completely all the machine use rules you just learned from your orientation last week. Yes, I DID sign up for that machine. That’s the rule. No you DID NOT sign up for it, so you have to go. No, I AM NOT going to inconvenience myself for “just a few minutes” because you were an idiot and want to chat with your friend some more. Why, yes, all the other machines ARE being used – by people who signed up for them.<snip>
[/QUOTE]

That reminds me of a somewhat related work rant - I have to photocopy a lot of cheques for my job. It involves using the photocopier for a couple of minutes at a time, a couple times a day, every day. There are three other photocopiers available; yes, I DO mind if you just sneak in and do your little bit of copying instead of waiting for me to finish my job. I’m not photocopying my ass here - I’m trying to do my job. Go do yours at one of the other photocopiers instead of butting in on me doing mine.

216

Speaking of checks:

Dear Apartment Manager,

Please stop losing my rent checks. I wouldn’t mind if it was just a freebie. In fact, I’d like that a lot. What happens, though, is a giant production. The landlord hassles you, you throw up your hands and say “maybe he didn’t pay it.” I, of course, paid it exactly as per instructions, and have documentation to back it up. So then I have to stop payment and write a new check, documenting each step along the way. (For the record, half the checks are cashed normally, another bunch after several months have gone by, but this is only the second one that’s been lost. For someone who budgets down to the penny, having thousands of dollars in the bank that aren’t really there is frustrating.)

I realize that you just don’t like the people who bought the building, and this is your passive-aggressive way of dealing with them. They’re actually really nice, especially as landlords go.

And while you’re at it, you can stop coming into my place without notice. You do know that’s illegal without at least the pretext of a good reason, right? “The new buyer wants to measure your balcony right now” is not a good reason. Oh, and when my cat died? I know that telling everyone “she’s an angel now” in front of me was kindly meant, but it grieved me because I do not believe she’s an angel, I believe she’s just gone and I’m sad.

217

Why didn’t I get a flu shot? They were free. Dammit.

218

Dear longtime friend: I called and left you a message on Tuesday afternoon. I offered to cook dinner Friday night. I called last night and got your answering machine again. It’s now 7:30PM on Thursday. Is there some reason you haven’t called to RSVP? Yes I know you’re busy; but if, like last time, you call me tomorrow afternoon at 4:30, I’m afraid I will have made other plans.

219

To whoever washed the glass last: please make sure to rinse all the soap off. I’ve been crapping for 2 hours now, and I’d like to stop.

220

Wow. I’ve bitched before about the general unhelpfulness of people on other forums, but this last one took the cake, and I can’t fucking stand it anymore. I just posted a question over at the official support forum for some software I use. The question is relatively simple, and I provided just enough detail for someone to answer it.

The answer I got, from a moderator of the board…well, we’ll save that for later. Right now, the rant: what the fuck is wrong with people? If they can’t answer the question “How do you do X?” with an explanation of how to do X, why don’t they just leave well enough alone? It’s not just this last board; this shit is everywhere.

Q: How do I change the way my form looks?
A: Just modify the template.

No fucking shit, Sherlock; HOW? Rephrasing the question does not constitute a helpful response. Answer the question, or fuck off.

Q: How do I automate creating these files?
A: Just use one file with a dynamic blah blah fuckityblah horseshit that has nothing to do with the goddamned question I’m better than you.

I really don’t give a rat’s ass, you insipid cunt, I want to know HOW THE FUCKING FUCK I CAN AUTOMATE CREATING THE FILES. That would be why I asked it. If I wanted ONE fucking file with a dynamic fucking parameter I would have asked how to make THAT. But I didn’t. Answer the question or fuck off.

Q: What’s wrong with my syntax in this declaration?
A: Java SE Specifications

Oh, thanks, you fetid pile of human waste. Because telling me that I can’t pass a double as the second parameter would have taken you all fucking day.

And now, the truly awe-inspiringly vacuous, most jaw-droppingly worthless reponse I have yet had the ill fortune to receive, from a fucking moderator of the official support forum:

Wow. Just…wow. There are no words. Well, okay, there are, but if I posted them over there, I’d be banned for life. What a useless fucking piece of shit non-answer. (And for the record, no, my question was not answered in any of the stickies, references or FAQs on the forum; the moderator just apparently decided to be a humungous douche.)

Really, what the fuck? Why do people fail to answer the goddamned question when it would take no more of their time than dropping whatever turd they inevitably decide to shit out onto the thread? Does it make them feel superior somehow? I’ll tell you what, answer my fucking question and I’ll sing your praises lo, unto the heav’ns while proclaiming my vast unworthiness.

Alternatively, of course, you could fuck off and die. Damn, I hate people sometimes.