Well, you told her off. What did she say?
seal_clubber’s idea is my favorite.
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! What’s she going to say to that?
Yea, what is it with you old people? I sleep from 3am-11am. Just eight hours like everyone else. I just spend the morning in bed. Leave me alone!
My parents would never leave me and my brother alone with my grandmother for fear of what she would let us eat. A gallon of ice cream each with chocolate fudge and brownies? Done. And then when we got sick she would have felt bad and given us each $20. And made us some cookies. Ah, grammas.
Except yours, 7 up yours. She’s evil. I think the only reason I would have kids is so they could have kids and I could spend my retirement savings indulging them. It’s a proud tradition in my family. My mother has already said she is going to buy my kid a drumset for his/her 7th birthday.
Indulging kids are also ways to get revenge on sons/siblings in my family.
As for finette, you may be surprised at what people notice. I can’t imagine losing 15 pounds and not having it be noticeable. I once lost 10 over the course of the summer quite unintentionally and several people noticed it, even though I didn’t realize I had lost weight until I jumped on a scale after the comments. It was quite nice.
Oh hell, I vote for jr8’s response too!
I find that with relatives the polite factual way is best.
ie. in a case where a relative insults another, maybe unwittingly
say “Don’t you realise that what you said has really upset so-and-so”
or in the OP
“That was a very rude and hurtful thing to say”
keeping up the polite rebuttal will lead to a change, or if it doesn’t you will learn that your relative really is trying to hurt (rather than ‘in her imagination help’, you). In which case you can stop inviting her over.
You know, I really thought I was witty and clever until I saw some of those responses…I’m clearly in the presence of greatness. Kudos!
When she pokes her nose right into your sandwich like that, just use the sandwich as a hand puppet and pinch her nose. “Honk!”
Priceless! 
Christmas eve, 1979: A 6 year old Gretchen and evil grandma (eg)who is visiting from the Maritimes, sit by the fire…
eg: you know, since Santa starts in the east and works his way west, the kids in the Maritimes get all of the good stuff. I’ll bet that once he gets out west to Calgary, there won’t be anything good left.
Gretch: (displaying a wise-beyond-her-tender-years knowledge of Canadian geography) Well, at least I’m still doing better than kids in Vancouver. So there!
eg: (evil, smug grin drops) hmmmph. Don’t get smart, young lady.
True story.
Keep an air horn hidden in your lap. Next time she butts in give her about a five second blast.
Or, print out this thread and leave it hanging on the refridgerator door.
"Thank you, grandma. I understand that calories in>calories burned mean weight gain, but I appreciate your reminder. "
You’re the better person, and it is way more likely to shut her up.
With my grandma it’s “No wonder you haven’t got a boyfriend”.
Aren’t old people precious.
You don’t have to be old to be a tactless jerk. When I was a newleywed (many, many years ago) my (middle-aged) eastern European MIL and her friends used to comment openly on how horribly skinny I was. As it happens, I was a few pounds under average, certainly no Twiggy, but I was self-conscious about not having much of a bosom, and having stick-like arms. I could never think of anything to say. Finally one time I gathered up my courage, and when one biddy commented, “When are you going to stop being so thin?” while emphasizing her own ample assets, I snapped back, “Maybe when I’m 9 months pregnant,” staring at her midsection.
Fast-forward a few decades until underweight is the least of my problems and I am again at some function with the same crew present. “Remember when we used to talk about how skinny you were?” one old crow asks. Being now much more assertive, I respond, “Yes, you used to hurt my feelings terribly then. And now that I’m overweight you’ve managed to do it again.”
Only chumps admit to laughing out loud at SDMB posts, so I guess this makes me Chumpy von Chumpowitz.
Oh man, this one had me laughing so loud I’m glad I’m the only one in the office today!
I’m glad kicks in the pussy aren’t the only things that tickle people’s fancies around here.
My evil great aunt Moira used to make comments like that to me. When I came home a month before my fiance did (he was working out west, joining me when the job finished) “Is the romance of the century over?”
Before my wedding she said , about every thing I ate at a reception for me and my husband “Every bite will show up in a white dress…if you’re wearing white”
The only good thing about my Grandma being in hospital is that Moira decided not to visit this summer! (Because my parents and Grandma wouldnt be able to wait on her hand and foot)
My grandmother is 80 pounds of compressed malevolence.
After putting up with years of “You’re so fat. You wear too much eye makeup. It’s no wonder the boys don’t like you” I finally snapped and after the last “you know, Tatiana, you’re putting on weight” I looked at her and said “yeah - well, you’re shrinking”
Apparently, I hurt her feelings. Curiously enough however, my sisters and I haven’t heard a weight comment in months.
Now she critiques our hair.
I like this thread. I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one with a mean grandmother.
My grandmother used to criticize me for…my bone structure! Boy, talk about something that I have absolutely NO way of changing!
“Real ladies have fine and delicate bones, not big heavy bones like you.”
“Real ladies have small slender hands, not big hands like you.”
“Real ladies have small and narrow rib cages, not big rib cages like you and your mother have.”
I kid you not. She told me that my rib cage was too big. What in Og’s name am I supposed to do about that?
But Karma ended up biting Grandma in her bony ass.
She died from complications from osteoporosis.