Apu: Mr. Simpson, a Twinkie is not a sprinkle, a nutter butter is not a sprinkle, a Twizzler is not a sprinkle- maybe in Shangri La they are, but not here!
Disco Stu doesn’t advertise!
Lobsang… it’s:
Wiggum: Dispatch, this is Chief Wiggum, back in pursuit of the rebelling women.
Dispatch: All right, your current location?
Wiggum: Oh, uh, I’m, er, I’m on a road. Uh, looks to be asphalt…oh, geez, trees, shrubs…er, I’m directly under the earth’s sun…now!
Lisa: The bible says that?
Rev. Lovejoy: It’s somewhere towards the back.
Number One: Tonight marks the 5000th anniversary of the founding of our sacred order. And to celebrate… we’re havin’ ribs.
And even better…
Number One: Let’s all get drunk and play ping-pong!
These quotes are all-time classics, especially since it’s Patrick Stewart saying them. 
Mayor Quimby: Gentlemen, it’s time we face up to the un-face-up-to-able.
Looking at a gravestone for Homer J. Simpson upside-down:
Chief Wiggum: Put out an APB for a Uosdwis J. Rewoh. Better try Greektown, boys. And bring me back one of those gyros.
Somebody else (Eddie or Lou?): It’s upside-down. (or something like that.)
Chief: Cancel that APB.
Eddie or Lou: Chief, you’re talking into your wallet.
It got mixed up with one where Wiggum says something like, “Suspect is driving a … car … of some sort. Suspect is hatless! Repeat hatless!”
[/bring on the corrections]
Titania: Ew! You said if I slept with you, I wouldn’t have to touch the drunk.
Duffman: Duffman says a lot of things. Oh, yeah!
Welcome wealthy American investor…
and my sig.
Smithers: Shall I send out for Chinese sir?
Burns: No, those people are all gristle.
Actually, she was just embezzeling company funds. I think.
How about when Rev. Lovejoy is trying to get his dog to take a dump on Ned’s lawn?
Rev. Lovejoy: Go on, do your dirty, sinful business.
Moe: I was born a snakehandler and I’ll die a snakehandler.
Groundskeeper Willy: Bonjoooooooorrrrr, ya cheese-eatin’ surrender monkeys!
Rod and/or Tod Flanders: Lies make Baby Jesus cry.
“Hello, Selma Bouvier? It’s Troy McClure. You may remember me from such dates as last night’s dinner.”
Lisa: May I have that seat?
Comic Book Guy: Yes. If you can answer me these questions three. Question the first…
Lisa: Never mind.
Quimby: I am no longer illiterate.
…
Fat Tony: You have 24 hours. And to show I’m serious, you have 12 hours.
Professor Frink: Hey, this isn’t the monster locator; this is the frog exaggerator! (Or something like that.)
Milhouse: My mom says I’m cool…
Lurlene: Oh Homer, you’re just a big sack of sugar!
Homer: Woo Hoo, (you did say sugar, right?)
Chalmers: Well, I best be go…what in god’s name is going on in there?!
Skinner: (quickly) Auora Borealis.
Chalmers: Auora Borealis! At this time of day, at this time of year, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen!
Skinner: Yes.
Chalmers: Oh. … Can I see it?
Skinner: No.
Stacey Lovell definitely said she was funneling profits to the Viet Cong. (Beats Homer’s thing about stealing projectors, don’t you think?) 