None of my business?

In My Humble Opinion
1

My ex-husband’s girlfriend was out shopping recently and saw a pair of boots she thought my 12-y.o. son might like. He wasn’t there to try them on, but she bought them anyway, apparently thinking she could bring them back if they didn’t fit.

He tried them on, they were tight but he didn’t want to disappoint her so he said nothing and wore them for a few days while at his dad’s. On Sunday, he wore them to my house. The next day, being the first day of March break, he was coming to work with me and asked if he could wear his running shoes instead of the boots. I asked why, he said they hurt his feet. I checked them, they’re a size 6, he’s a size 7, so of course, I said no problem. We decided we’d drop them at his dad’s house on the way into work in case his girlfriend wanted to wear them herself, she has small feet and maybe she can wear them or something. (They’re unisex hiking boots) I dunno, it’s just a courtesy, otherwise I’d have thrown them in the Goodwill bag, they’re just cheap faux leather, maybe twenty bucks, tops.

We get to his dad’s house, my son goes into the house with the boots to explain the situation. I hear his father yelling at him from outside, where I stand waiting. My son comes out, crestfallen. He’d gotten into trouble for not saying something sooner, as now they can’t return the boots. Well, of course I have to say something to his dad, so I ring the doorbell and tell the ex why our son didn’t say anything to begin with. I point out that she made the decision to buy a pair of boots without my son there to try them on. The kid’s only 12, didn’t think about the possibility of returning the boots, only that his dad’s girlfriend tried to do something nice for him.

My ex apologizes to my son, tells him it’s okay, they’ll take the boots to Goodwill and I will buy him another pair of boots. Situation over, we go on our merry way.

Later that day, my husband goes home early to get dinner started and finds an abrupt message on our answering machine, for my son, from the girlfriend. She sounds pissed and wants my son to call her immediately. I think “Wtf is this about, the boots? What else could it be? I’d better call her and find out because I don’t want my kid getting in shit over nothing again.”

I call, she answers. I ask her what the problem is, she flips out and shrieks that it’s “none of my business” and SHE will speak to my son on Monday when she sees him. Then hangs up in my ear.

I call back, the ex answers. I ask him, wtf??? He sounds uptight, refuses to talk about it and we bicker for a few minutes. I tell him she better not get into my son’s face about the boots since he’s already been unfairly yelled at, and leave it at that.

Tempest in a teapot, yes. But is it really none of my business? I’m thinking, he’s MY kid, what could she have to say to him (especially in that tone) that’s not my business?

Was I wrong to phone her? Is it none of my business?

2

Maybe she’s thinking that you’re trying to interfere. You definitely have the right to know what’s going on in your son’s life.

3

It doesnt matter whether or not you will interfere. It doesnt matter that she is pissed off. It certainly does matter that some angry adult gets access to a child that is in your custody especially when its been settled by the boys father.

Your kid your business. end of story.

if I were you, and this is not a suggestion, Id give her the price of the cheap ass boots and tell her to shut the fuck up and leave my son alone.

4

IMO, it’s very much your business. You poor son made a child’s mistake, and he already feels rotten over it. Kids don’t think about stuff like return policies. He was given a pair of boots, he wanted to like them, tried to wear them but they didn’t work out. Whatever excitement or gratitude he felt the “gift” has been blown to smithereens.

You have every right–and obligation, actually–to make sure no one rags on him any more about it. I think you’ve done a great job of putting the whole thing into proper perspective for him. The old boots go to charity, and you’ll buy him a pair that fits. You even tried to return them to the harridan, in case she could get some use out of them. Your example to your son was charity, courtesy and common sense. Her petty, vindictive take on what should be a minor matter shouldn’t be allowed to scald a good kid. Sheesh, considering some of the little monsters around–greedy, defiant, willful, ungrateful–why isn’t she giving a good kid, her BF’s SON no less, a little slack already?

Well, since she isn’t, so good for you, Triss, for standing between your son and her. Much of the adult world is totally confusing for kids. They don’t really have defenses against injustices, so they hurt with extra pain. You’re providing the defense. Rock on.

Veb

5

Thanks! :slight_smile:

My hubby backs me of course, but it’s nice to get a neutral opinion or two.

It’s been bugging me all week. Even though I know that the ex and his GF are having money troubles, it’s still a baffling over-reaction, to my mind. Obviously they must be under more stress than I thought. The ex doesn’t usually freak out like that, if anything he’s almost too laid-back. (As I said, he did apologize which made my boy feel a lot better.) During the later phone conversation with him, I did offer to give the GF the money for the boots, which he declined.

While the GF is no Einstein, she’s always been kind to the kids (that I’m aware of) if not always very friendly to me. She’s up and down in her responses to me but never directly confrontational or really bitchy before now. It’s just…baffling.

Exactly. He IS a good kid, it hurt my heart to see the look on his face when he came out of that house. He doesn’t know that she was angry too and won’t find out if I can help it.

6

I’ll just echo everyone else here and say, “Oh YES, it is your business.”

I can’t imagine anything that a grown woman needs to tell a 12-year-old boy that can’t be said in front of his parent(s).

7

Devil’s advocate:

Maybe she sounded pissy 'cause your ex told her she should call & apologize or smoothe things over with your son.

I’m divided. As a divorced mother myself I am vary sympathetic to the idea that nothing that involves my son is none of my business. I struggle all the time not to over-react to comments about what goes on at the other house. At the same time your ex’s GF is the outsider in the situation and needs to be afforded the opportunity to establish a relationship with your son.