This thread is pretty self-explanatory. I’ll get you started:


“Hi, you’ve reached Cheers. No one is here to take your call right now, so at the beep please leave your name, number, and a message.”


“Hi Sam, it’s Diane. I just called to say I love you. Bye.”


“Hi Sam, it’s Woody. We’re out of cocktail napkins and we need to order more pickles. Oh, and I have a message from Diane. I love you. Bye Sam.”


“Hi Sam, it’s Woody again. When I said I love you, that was a message from Diane. I don’t love you. Well, bye Sam.”


“Hi Sam, it’s Woody. Don’t get me wrong, I think you’re a really great guy and all, OK? Bye Sam.”


“Sam? It’s Woody. I’ve been thinking about it, and I really do love ya, man.”

“Women! Can’t live with 'em…pass the beer nuts.”

“I’m getting free plastic surgery, but I can’t decide what to get.”

“Excuse me, Miss Howe, but I think you’re just about perfect the way God made you.”

“Why thank you, Woody! But I do need to decide on something.”

“Oh, then in that case, your boobs.”

“Thank you, Woody.” :rolleyes:

“No, thank you!”

“Norm! How’s life treating you?”

“Like he caught me in bed with his wife.”

“It’s a dog-eat-dog world and I’m wearing Milk-Bone underwear.”


“What’s the story, Mr. Peterson?”

“Boy meets beer, boy drinks beer, boy gets another beer.”

“Who are three people who have never been in my kitchen?”


“How about a beer, Mr. Peterson?”

“It’s a little early for that, isn’t it, Woody?”

“For a beer?”

“No, for asking stupid questions.”

“You ARE Spanky, aren’t you?” :: raises glass ::

“Beer, Norm?”

“OK, but I have a big day tomorrow. Stop me at one. Ah, what the hell. Make it one-thirty.”

“Mmmm, food! My favorite!”

“I know how you feel, Sam. Sometimes I just want to wrap my hands around her neck and squeeze, squeeze, until I choke the life out of her, and there’s nothing left but a lifeless corpse. And I’m a trained psychotherapist!”

“What’s shakin’, Mr. Peterson?”

“All four cheeks and a couple of chins.”

Diane: Sam Malone, I hate you with the white hot passion of a thousand super-novas.

Sam: Gee, it’s funny how you so often compare me with a super-nova.

Sam: And you think you can a date for this party better than me?

Rebecca: (a little too loudly) Blind-folded, gagged and with both hands tied behind my back! (turns to see the whole bar staring at her) We were just talking about a party this Saturday night.

Carla: Sammy! Where is it, and what time should I be there?

And Cliff Clavin’s definition of DNA: “Dames Not Aggressive”

Sam and Diane were in a life and death situation, in which they finally admit their feelings for each other. Sam said something like “You are the only woman I ever loved, and I will love you forever.”

Later, back safe in the bar…

“Goodnight, Sam. Oh, and about that little conversation we had earlier? I think we should just forget that it ever happened.”

“Hey, what conversation, right? Heh heh.”

“The conversation where you said I was only woman you ever loved, and that you will love me forever.”

“I am a Rhodes Scholar.”

“Wow, doctor Crane, you’re a Rhodes Scholar?”

“That’s right, Woody, I am.”

“Then can you answer a question for me?”

“I’ll try.”

“How come the stuff they use to fill in the potholes is darker than the rest of the road?”

“I don’t know, Woody, I must have been out that day.”

There was an episode where most of the action was taking plce in the office while there was discussion regarding the old Roadrunner cartoons out at the bar. At one point the door from the office into the bar opens and you heard Fraizer screaming:

“The Coyote was NOT the anti-christ!”

“Norm! How’s life treating you?”

“Like a baby treats a diaper.”

Woody was in a play, but he didn’t tell Kelly, who didn’t understand that sort of thing. She thought it was a lowly and disgraceful thing.

Woody had a love scene with an actress, but he just couldn’t put his heart into it. The actress tried to inspire him by kissing him in a very sexy way. Kelly walked in on this.

Kelly: "Oh, I get it now! You say you have to work late every night, you never call me anymore, and now I find you in the arms of another woman? You’re in a play, aren’t you?

Woody: “No, no, maybe I’m just having an affair!”

“What would you say to a beer Normie?”
“Daddy wuvs you.”
My all time favorite though is when the Cheers gang goes bowling. Norm goes off for a beer, and in the background you hear “NORM!!!”.

Sam asks incredulously “They know him here?” to which Cliff replies so matter-of-factly: “Geez Sammy, the guy’s got a life you know.”

That may not be exactly right, but you get the gist. Cracks me up every time.


Rebecca is having the bar appriased and Cliff is there being, well, Cliff. The appraiser asks:

App: “Does the Mailman come with the bar?”
Reb: “Well…”
App: “I’ll run the numbers both ways, and see how it works out.”

Earlier in the scene:

App (pointing to the floor by the corner of the bar): What caused this massive depression in the floor here?
Norm comes out of the john and resumes his spot.
App: “Ah”