Not Coming To A Theater Near You

Any Given Sundae - The highly competitive world of big league frozen desserts is the backdrop of this story when a Tastee Freez opens across the street from a Dairy Queen.

With Six You Get Rickroll - A Chinese restaurant owner fails in his attempt to draw more family business.

Dude: Muad’Dib abides.

Captain Blood Simple - A swashbuckler falls in with two doomed lovers, and zany noir hijinks ensue.

Miller’s Crossing and Uncrossing - Irish gangster is made uncomfortable by a vasectomy infomercial.

The Incredible Shrinking Lebowski - After a lab accident, he’s not so big anymore!

Barton Frink - A delusional screenwriter and Springfield’s finest wacky scientist join forces to fight an obese serial killer.

Burn Before Reading - CIA agents are frustrated by a mixup in orders.

You ROCK! Thanks for the chuckle this morning!

Chani, STFU. STFU Chani!

The Bored Identity: A humdrum secret agent takes out his opponents while wishing for something more exciting.

The Bored Identity:
A man who believes he’s a secret agent finds out he’s actually a insurance claims adjuster.

Arnie: A huge Austrian orphan is adopted by Daddy Warbucks.

(Honestly, wouldn’t you love to hear Arnold sing “Tomorrow?”)

The Strange Case of Benjamin Franklin:
“That’s sure some strange case you got there Ben.”
“I built it myself.”

The Strange Case of Benjamin’s Buttons:
Benjamin finally finds out what happened to all those buttons he lost over the years.

The Strange Case of Benjamin Grimm:
Can a rocky orange “Thing” find true love?

Tank Girl Interrupted: In a post-apocalyptic world, a young woman struggles against confinement in a mental institution.

Alice in Wonderland Doesn’t Live Here Anymore - Alice and her son (from the Mad Hatter) make their way back home.

Cool Hand Luke Skywalker: A Jedi Knight is arrested for destroying parking meters with a lightsaber.

Go Ask Cialis: A young girl gets addicted to male enhancement drugs.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs:
Seven little people corner the heroin market

Snow White and the Seven Samurai:
Snow White talks seven samurai into helping her defend a small town against the evil queen.

**Brian’s Song of the South **- An interracial friendship develops between two men set against the backdrop of racially charged Alabama in 1863, as told by “Brer Bryant”.

**The Sixth Sense and Sensibilities **- The characters in this turn-of-the-century-novel-turned-movie has a dreaded sense of foreboding about their existence, as strange and random events occur to each of them.

They realize that they don’t exist, except as printed text in a book!

We may have already gone here but…

The Apes of Wrath: A family of chimpanzees travel to California in search of a better life. Despite the premise of monkeys on a roadtrip, hilarity DOES NOT ensue.

Clue[less] - A murder occurs at a high school prom. Although Stevie Wonder could see who did it, the killer gets away.

No Shit Sherlock: A master detective solves blindingly obvious crimes.

Lolcats of the Navy:
I is in UR Navy doing stuff.

The Hart Locker - A failed presidential candidate looks over old campaign memorabilia, and reminisces.

The John Hurt Locker - An aging but still sprightly British actor looks over programs from plays in which he’s appeared, and reminisces.

The William Hurt Locker - An American actor discusses, in monotone, where he kept his gym shorts in high school. Rated SB for Stupefyingly Boring.