Return of the King Kong: A giant gorilla is humanity’s last hope to stop a Dark Lord from taking over the world.
Undead Men Wear Plaid: Scottish zombies solve crimes in 1940s Los Angeles.
The Onion Field Of Dreams - An Iowa farmer baffles his neighbors when he plows up his onion crop to build a Dunkin Donuts.
Conan O’Brien the Barbarian filmed entirely at night, because the glare of the sun off his bare chest was too much for the cameras to take.
Saving Private Ryan…when we get around to it snippet of dialogue:
“What about Ryan?”
“Meh, to hell with that guy. Where’s the remote?”
Conan the Rastafarian: Conan finds Thulsa Doom’s stash.
Conan The Barbarian At The Gate - Crom! This tastes like shit!
The Road, apparently. All the websites say it was supposed to open in theaters today…but neither of the two theaters here are showing it, and not only that, neither of the managers of the theaters (who I called) even knew when it was going to be showing.
What the fuck?
The Iraqi Horror Picture Show: Colin Powell outlines the Bush Administration’s justifications for invading Iraq. Much like the original presentation, this is a work of complete fiction.
Flight Club
French generals gather to decide what to do about the Nazi invasion
They Call Me MISTER Tiddles: The baddest cat on the force is back to clean up the city.
Unofficial sequel to In Heat in the Night.
Snow White and the Seven Samurai - Pursued by an evil queen, Snow White enlists the aid of seven unemployed samurai: Slicey, Dicey, Stabby, Cutty, Hari, Kari, and Wok.
…is one of Tom Holt’sbest novels.
All Hogs go to The Devil: about the generally grim prospects in the afterlife for pigs.
Where the Wild Hogs Are: A bad little boy is sent to his room without supper, where he dreams of adventures with a group of middle-aged Harley-Davidson motorcyclists.
Das Booty: The crew of a German submarine find that watching hip-hop videos helps kill time on patrol.
A Few Good Men in Tights: Mel Brooks’ first foray into mockumentaries. US Marines attempt to produce and perform the Robin Hood legend for a community fundraising show.
Dirty Harry Potter And The Crazy Mary:
I feel sorry for Voldemort.
The Magnificent Seven Brides for Seven Samurai Brothers: Musical where a group of Western gunfighters find themselves dressing as saloon dance-hall girls in order to save a small town from a group of Japanese warriors who come from the same family.
My Fair Lady and the Tramp: The Pygmalion story, with an all-dog cast.
The American Graffiti President: Guided by the ghost of the Wolfman, Laurie Henderson (Cindy Williams) becomes the first female President of the United States. Michael Douglas plays the love interest; and watch for cameos from Richard Dreyfus, Ron Howard, Annette Benning, and Candy Clark.
Mummy Dearest: A revived ancient Egyptian priestess starts an abusive relationship with her descendant.
Rendezvous With Ramen: A hungry scientist plans his lunch.
The Orangework Clock: A former gang member keeps his sociopathic urges in check by making timepieces out of fruit. It doesn’t work.