She was always the sensitive one when we were younger, you could look at her funny and she’d cry. As she got older she developed a hard exterior and rarely showed much emotion at all. We’ve been really close now since I was 20 and she was 16. Things have been really good between us until this, though she did go through a phaze where she’d lash out at people occasionally and we made excuses and said, “oh, that’s how she is, don’t take it personally.” I thought she was way past that now though.
She is being very controlling about her shower. B and I are supposed to be planning it along with our mom and stepmom. B, my, sister and I went to lunch before this all happened and my sister told us how she knows what favors she wants, what games, everything down to the last detail. B is afraid to even do anything for it because she is worried my sister will just tell her that’s not how she wanted it, so who knows how that is going to turn out.
I hate this. I hate it with a passion. “I’m mad. You should know why, so I’m not going to bother to tell you. You figure it out.” That’s the maturity level of an eight year old, not an adult.
Sounds like your father and your sister are both manipulative, snotty little creeps. Tell your dad not to bother, and if it’s such a burden to visit you won’t do it anymore. I also wouldn’t involve any other family members in this drama. It’s not your problem, it’s theirs. I would bow out of the shower for now. As far as your friend getting married, any problems she has with your sister are not yours to handle. Tell her, “She’s not speaking to me right now, so I can’t answer why she’s not returning your calls about the dress measurements. You’ll have to track her down yourself.”
You sound like you’ve made excuses for your sister’s behavior before. Now you’ve been on the receiving end of it, and maybe are starting to realize it’s not excusable. If this is the way she is, you can either accept it or cut her out of your life. As I’ve mentioned before, you can’t pet an alligator and expect it to purr.
Also, I’m not Emily Post, but have B plan the shower the way she wants to. If your sister throws a fit in the middle of the party because the cake is chocolate and not carrot, the guests will see her for what she really is…a thin-skinned brat who needs to be knocked upside the head.
Bravo to all of what Ivylass said. At 27 and 23, it’s time to be moving past this kind of behaviour. She’s going to be a mom, for heaven’s sake - she needs to be more mature than her children. Maybe B needs to tell your sister a few hard truths - like she can plan her own damned shower if she wants to be such a pain in the ass about it.
I’m sorry you have to go through this with someone you thought you were close to; you have my sympathy, too. Just make sure you don’t cave and act the way your sister wants you to - figure out your boundaries and stand firm on them. It’s best for both of you in the long run.
My WAG is that your sister either lied her ass off to your father, or your sister is still thinking “omg she manipulated my friend into letting her in even after she’d been told not to! She took advantage of a woman in labor!”