I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything prefaced with “Not to be racist, but…” that didn’t end up being racist.
And you, my oh-so-dear sister-in-law, didn’t quite buck that trend when you said “Not to be racist, but…” and followed it with “… that’s because the niglets haven’t come there yet.”
I honestly don’t know what the worst part of my Thanksgiving was this year, the fact that my husband has spent the majority of it barfing in the bathroom or the fact that I’m not allowed to kick you repeatedly in the face with my spiffy new sturdy Merrell moccasins with the attractive lug-patterned sole.
I don’t know, I really don’t know, if you say things like that to me despite knowing how I feel or if you say them to me because you know how I feel.
Okay, I thought that was going to have a lot more vitriol, but instead I just feel like crying. Fuck.
I’m sorry. Some people are just that way. Pay them no attention. Sorry about your husband, though. Go eat another piece of pie and maybe you’ll feel better.
Shouldn’t you be providing the pie, there, mister (missus)?
Anyways, jeez. Did she really say “niglets?” How is that not going to come off racist? You shoulda countered with, “Not to be rude, but you’re a fucking douchebag.”
She said niglets five or six times, and said, “Not to be racist but…” three times. Yes, I counted.
I have tried yelling. I have tried arguing. I have tried namecalling. I have tried leaving. I have tried not seeing these worthless scum for years. I have tried telling them they can be racist assholes on their own time but to stuff it when I’m in the room.
The net effect is that they’ll preface their nigger jokes with “Not to be racist, but…”
Yay progress.
At least her 12 year old said, “Mo-oooom” in that really disgusted way.
In the hospital we see this after 8PM all the time on Thanksgiving.
When warm turkey is left out for too long it makes a very happy place for the Staph bacteria to grow on after some food has been handled and contaminated. Now it’s not exactly the bateria that causes this sickness, what happens is after the turkey finally goes into the refrigerator this begins to kill some of the Staph and they release some endotoxins onto the bird; so then when hubby goes back for a snack he eats the toxins as well. You can now set a watch because almost exactly three hours later you begin explosive vomiting every hour for about five to six hours.
IANAD, and this isn’t necessarily the case with the hubby, just a yearly hospital anecdote.
This started about 11. We just got there and his mom offered us a snack. We both ate (and I think six others did, too, including his mom). Only my husband is sick, but he got sick very quickly after eating and it was the first thing he had eaten all day.
He’s finally sleeping, but god, it’s been an awful day.
I hope this takes care of your family obligations with these alleged people for the next 12 months.
As for the expression, “Not to be racist…” usually I’ve heard it prefacing things that at least have some possibility of being explained as “Oh, I was just making a comment about the culture…” How fucking clueless does one have to be to consider that “niglet” could be anything but a hugely offensive word?
Sounds to me like an awesome excuse to go home. “Not to be racist, but…” “Oh, man, I really ought to take DH home. I think he just barfed up his spleen. Cheerio!”
It all started with people talking about germs and then children’s play areas. She claimed there was a new children’s play area in some section of her town that was cleaner than the rest of them. Because there were no niglets. Not to be racist, but that’s because the niglets haven’t come there yet.
Her college-aged daughter acted embarrassed. Her 12-year-old son said, “Mo-oooom” in an aggrieved way. Her husband said, “Sorry, but it’s true! It’s just true!”
And I didn’t do anything but leave the room. Nothing witty or scathing. Meh.
Sweet Jesus. I got the same anecdote, nearly word for word, from a doc who works in my ER today. You only left out the “Someone needs to tell these people to stay home and ‘hoark’ (hork? whork?) it out. They’ll be feeling just as bad when they leave as when they come in.”
It’s not just racism. “Not to be ______” is invariably going to be succeeded by a ____ comment, as if that preceding phrase somehow has the power to grant absolution and or special dispensation. I made a vow this year not to spend the holidays with my relatives because of having to choose between biting my tongue or getting into a screaming match, and it’s working beautifully.
I’m guessing it was in the racist context of niglets.
2> What if she had data proving that her children’s play area was IN FACT cleaner before black children played here. Would that be a legitimate statement, or should she hide it in order to preserve racial harmony?
3> Same way, if her husband thinks it is true, should he shut up so as not to offend you?
4> Should you defer to the opinion of her 12 year old son over her and her husband since he is obviously wiser?
But anyways, why should your holiday dinners be anymore free from racism than mine? I have heard for the last 30 years how “niggers and spics” are doing one bad thing or the other to this country/world.
I’d never heard that particular slur until coming to the Dope. Thank Thor my parents hated people on the content of their character rather than the color of their skin.
Yeah, I figured that. I just wondered which group of black children she was not being racist about. I see jsgoddess answered. To be honest I was fearing it would be “closer to home”. Like some other sister had kids with a black guy and was bringing them for a visit*.
jsgoddess, my little come-back line was more “in a perfect world” type of comment. It would probably be a hell of a shit-storm to be quite so confrontational so I don’t blame you for not wanting to get into it, especially if you can see their kids aren’t buying it.
*eta: if that had been the case I wouldn’t have posted my second paragraph. I would have reversed it, basically.