Note to Dairy Queen customers: Please, please, please do not order Pecan Mudslides.

The BBQ Pit
1

And especially not at the Dairy Queen on Sherbrooke Street in Montreal near Vendome metro.

Ok. In order to survive, I have gone and gotten a job at the local Dairy Queen. I’ve been working there for about a week now.

One of the desserts we are required to prepare is called a Pecan Mudslide. I have decided this recipe is the product of Satan’s own alchemy.

You take a tulip glass and put in hot fudge, caramel, and pecans. Then you pull soft vanilla ice cream into it. You need to get the exact mass, height, circumference, and angle in the soft ice cream, which is not easy when the machine spits at you, the ice cream is floating on fudge hot enough to melt it, and you have no depth perception. If you don’t do this right, James (the cashier) snaps at you. You then must pour more hot fudge, more caramel, and more pecans onto it, praying that it’s not going to cant over under the mass and heat of the fudge and other toppings.

I don’t think I’ve really captured how difficult this dessert is to prepare properly.

I am not the best person in the world at making Pecan Mudslides. I accept this about myself, and I’m at ease with this fact. So the next time James asks me to prepare one, when there are two or three other people hanging around who are probably a lot better than me at it, I’ll be at peace. I’ll just go in and do my best, not worry about what others think of me, and just make as good a Mudslide as I can. I’ll serve it to the customer, and then I will give James a nice happy smile, and then I will murder him.

The next time you’re in a DQ, please, please order something easy, like a Blizzard. You can get them in a million different flavours and they can be combined however you like. I recommend the mint-Oreo and the raspberry-blueberry. They’re scrumptious.

But think of the poor clerk, slaving away for minimum wage.

Avoid the unnecessary slaughter of snotty cashiers.

Don’t order Pecan Mudslides.

Thank you.

2

How are you at Peanut Buster Parfaits? I have a 2 for 1 coupon and I’ll drive up from the South Shore on the way to Cinema du Parc if you promise me extra peanuts.

3

I wouldn’t order a Pecan Mudslide just because the name is all wrong. That (vanilla ice cream, hot fudge, caramel, pecans) is a turtle sundae. It has always been a turtle sundae. It always will be a turtle sundae. “Pecan Mudslide” my sweet ass. But you know, even if you screw it up and the name’s all wrong, it’s still a damn good sundae. But I won’t ask you to make me one. :wink:

4

I usually just get Dilly Bars and strawberry sundaes. Is that easy enough for you, or should I just switch to plain ol’ ice cream cones?

The Dairy Queen nearest my house consistently runs out of ice cream. It’s the damndest thing. I mean, it’s an ice cream store. How is it possible for a Dairy Queen to run out of ice cream on a regular basis?

5

Dilly bars are made all at once by long-lasting ice cream sachems, and stored in the freezer, so all I have to do is reach in and grab you one.

Hard ice cream is simplicity itself. Soft ice cream, in all forms except those that pass through a mixer (shakes, blizzards, etc), is a pain in the nuts.

6

I just realized that the first part of my post sounded a little snide. I didn’t mean it to, and you have my apologies if it was taken that way.

So, dilly bars and hard ice cream from here on out. :slight_smile:

7

I’ve probably been to that Dairy Queen! I used to go all the time when I got homesick.

I only ever get a soft serve cone. That’s not too hard. But really, you’re asking a lot. Getting hard ice cream at Dairy Queen just does not make sense. The whole thing of Dairy Queen is the soft serve. It’s bad enough that the DQs up there don’t have french fries, although that’s a blessing for you.

-fh

8

No way!

You’re working on the Dairy Queen on Prince Albert, eh? I go there frequently (well, occasionally) in the summer as it is darn close.

I promise I’ll order a Blizzard… :slight_smile:

9

After reading some of the posts in “What’s the Most Embarrassing Thing You’ve Ever Witnessed,” I don’t think I’ll ever go near anything called a “Mudslide.”

10

Blizzards are pretty much easy-fixing, I hope.

Can’t live without 'em.

11

Mmmmmmm, pecan mudslides.

Where are my keys?

12

“Lemme ask you this… is it impossible to get a scoop of vanilla-flavored vanilla ice cream? Huh? Did I miss a fucking meeting about the ice cream? ‘You can get every other flavor of vanilla except vanilla-flavored vanilla!’ They’ve got vanilla-chocolate, vanilla-caramel, vanilla-pecan, vanilla-chocolate-caramel, vanilla-caramel-pecan… what the fuck?!?”

Paraphrased from Dennis Leary… granted, it’s not as funny without the “Mochachino, frappacino, cappucino, rappacino, Al Pacino” bit, but hey… what’re you gonna do…

13

I just wanted to say that I’ve been having serious GI trouble lately and the name “Pecan Mudslides” made me bolt for the bathroom. Ack! Don’t worry- I won’t order one.

Zette

14

I’m sorry. Truly I am. The Pecan Mudslide is my very favorite DQ treat. But I promise I won’t order one again, O.K.? I’ll get the Brownie Earthquake instead.

15

[bright chipper voice]

“Welcome to Dairy Queen! Can I take your order?”

“Why yes, thank you! I’d like a Pecan Mudslide, please! But I’d like it served with a special topping; the cum of a polyglot French Canadian from Montreal who stand about this high (hold hand at 185cm) and is a member of the NDP. Also, he has to carry it to me on his hands and knees, thanking me profusely for the priviledge of serving me.”

“Matt! Your friends are here again!”

[/bright chipper voice]

16

Spoofe: I found this thread on my search for my username(kidding)
Matt! Fellow worker! I work there too. Not There, of course, then we could commiserate.
Did you guys know that a double chocolate malt drink has about 2,000 calories?
Yes. I drink one a day to hopefully gain weight.

17

Holy crap! Does that come with insulin, or do you have to order it separately?

No worries, matt, you won’t see me ordering that. Just don’t look at me funny if I bring in a raw egg and ask to have it mixed into my vanilla malted.

18

Drastic and Juniper: As I say, blizzards, and most things that have to pass through a blender, are simplicity itself, largely because you don`t have to make sculptures with the ice cream.

Albert: Isn`t it weird how all their desserts are named after natural disasters? Blizzard, Mudslide, Earthquake… What’s next, the Chocolate Ice Storm? Ooo, that’ll sell well. Especially in Montreal. :rolleyes:

Freyr: boing :o crosses legs Don’t do this to me…

manhattan: No, insulin is sold separately. And all of our products may have come into contact with peanuts.

19

You are exactly right – that is a turtle sundae, but as matt pointed out, they like natural-disaster names. Besides, I don’t think DQ could get away with serving a real mudslide with vodka, kahlua, and Bailey’s.

20

MMMmmmm…Dilly Bars. Nostalga. I haven’t been to a Dairy Queen in Years – there isn’t one anywhere near me (that I know about, anyway). Now I’ll have to track one down and buy a Dilly Bar in every flavor just to re-live my childhood summers.

And I’ll have to admit, the Brownie whatever and Pecan Mudslide both sound intreguing. I’m a big fan of Peanut Buster Parfaits (on a stick and/or in a tulip glass), may have to try these as well.

Blizzards are always great, no matter what you put into them

Damn, now I’m going into a diabetic coma/nostalgic coma.