In my day to day life I have no one to confide in. I am looking for a confidant. I myself am a great listener and I provide some good advice. Right now I would just about kill for someone to return the favor however… I have friends… but no one I feel close enough too to burden with my heavy thoughts IRL. If you want to hear some good junk… feel free to apply… the only catch is that I am going to HAVE to trust you’re word that you won’t spread secrets… if you have EVER betrayed a trust… please don’t apply…
PS… please disregard this post as it is alcohol/self pity induced. It is not worthy of you.
Well, I’m available for friendship. But I have a TON of emotional baggage. I listen fairly well and have quite a few experiences to help me think of good advice. But I still have a TON of emotional baggage, so I may not be the best choice.
I’ll apply. I don’t really listen anyway, but I pretend beautifully.
I’ll apply, I not only listen well, keep secrets, but I’m also the Queen of sending pointless e-mails and IMs. You’ll be so busy reading my crap that you’ll forget all about your crap.
Whammo, you can tell me your junk. Then, I’ll tell you my junk. As long as there’s enough booze to go 'round, everything will be fine.
I’m already well-versed in keeping friends’ secrets, having heard more confessions than your average inner-city Catholic priest, so I promise not to divulge any junk. Heck, I’m part of an organisation which lists “keeping secrets” as one of its traditions. (Er, but I can’t tell you what it is. Obviously…)
I volunteer. And apply, and stuff.
I have secrets right now that I’m keeping from people . . . those secrets could basically destroy lives on the SDMB and off it. But I ain’t telling what or who.
Feel free to IM me if you need to talk. Unless we’re talking illegal stuff you did, in which case go to someone else:)
I’ll bet my secrets are better than Iampunha’s secrets!
I bet my secrets could beat up your secrets!
Ex-military intelligence here. My whole job was keeping secrets. My security clearance was above Top Secret. (Ok, technically, Top Secret is the highest, but there are divisions that you need a TS clearence as a pre-requisite to being cleared for one of these divisions, so in a way, they are higher than Top Secret.) My full security clearance was Top Secret - SCI, TK. I can’t tell you what the initials mean.
I listen. Although, as Crunchy Frog can attest, I’m not very good at helping! I try to interject humorous comments. On second thought, maybe I’m not very good…But my application still stands if you’d like to give me a try!
You forgot SMS 
Ahem, my SMS always have a point! Now pointless late night drunken phone calls, that’s something I excel in!
I also send pointless snail-mail, but I have to be really motivated to do that.