I just realized that I don’t really have anyone that I can really talk to about problems other that my SO, and sometimes not even her, most obviously in cases where I’m having problems with my relationship with her.
I got to thinking if it were becausb I don’t really have that many friends, but then I thought about the number of “relationship” threads on the dope, and begin to think if this isn’t some isolated situation.
When you have problems, who do you talk to? If you are having problems with that person, who then do you talk to?
The strange thing is that the people you feel that you really want to be your confidant usually won’t. Those who are your confidant, you won’t feel satisfied when they listen to you.
No, not really. I have a friend with whom I discuss financial concerns and I spilled my guts here once about an incident, but other than that, nothing.
Yes. I tell my best friend, K, pretty much whatever’s on my mind. If I’m not doing well in a class or something’s weighing on my head, I can spill it out to her and she’ll listen. She doesn’t criticize or try to give advice, she just listens. The good thing is, once that’s over, we can go right back to being goofy and messing around with each other.
No. I used to spill my guts regularly into an on-line journal, and it was therapeutic for a few years, but it got less necessary and less helpful and I don’t do it anymore.
IRL I’m not the talking type. I suppose my older sister would be happy to listen to any problems I might have, but I’m just not the type. I come here and observe other people spilling their guts and somehow that’s vicariously unburdening.
Yes, I do – my two sisters. And the great thing is that, since there are three of us, we always have someone to talk to if one of us is having a problem with one of the other two.
Other than my husband, I guess it would be my aunt, who was just 13 when I was born. We’ve been extremely close all my life and she’s like a big sister to me. She is the only person who truly, genuinely understands what life was like for me growing up–she often had to get in the middle of shit to try to protect me–so every time we get together we usually spend it talking about our messed up family. She is the last one left who is sane. I do try to avoid the topic unless she brings it up though. I don’t want to overdo the bitching, in part because I used to be extremely depressed and I don’t want anyone to worry, and also because nobody likes excessive negativity. She lives kind of far away, so there really isn’t anyone nearby I can get this close to. I have succeeded in making some new friends but events have conspired to prevent us from getting very close. I decided to start paying some guy to listen to by problems starting in mid-January. That should help ease the pressure I’ve been feeling.
My best friend of 20 years died 2 years ago on Thanksgiving and since then there isn’t anyone that I would call a real confidant. I can talk to my partner about almost anything and I don’t have any complaints about him so it doesn’t feel that important to me right now. I tell most things to my other friends but there are things that I would only have talked about with her that I keep to myself since she died.
My man is my confidante about just about everything. I have a couple of close friends I can go to for help and advice and a listening ear when my problems are about my man. And then there’s the SDMB…
I don’t think he has anyone he’d call a confidante. He and his brother don’t talk about “stuff”. I wonder who he’d go to for advice if we ever had any issues.
I can talk to my best friend about anything, but she lives an hour away, we’re both busy, and we’re not big phone people, so… we do lots of talking about everything when we’re together, but it would be very rare for me to call and bend her ear about anything that wasn’t huge.
Other than that, I’m not sure I have much need of a “confidant”. My guy and a couple of other friends are great, I certainly trust them, and I COULD talk to them (and I’m happy and proud that they feel the same), but my problems are pretty mild and mundane, and I’m not really a “talk about my feelings” person, so it doesn’t come up.
I used to. My sister, who was 18 months older than me. We were very close after she left for college (we fought a lot before that) and on two separate occasions shared an apartment for a few years. She died last fall, at the age of 38. I still miss her more than I can express, and probably always will.
Usually, it’s not my exact problem(s), but a lot of the time it’s close enough. Sometimes it’s just a relief to know that I’m not the only one who feels a certain way, or has a certain issue…maybe I’m not such a freak after all.
I have no one that I can really unburden myself to. I can talk to my mom about a lot of stuff, and have, but there’s some things Mom just doesn’t want to know about. I would love to have a friend to really tell all to. I think it comes from the fact that I’ve been hurt so many times over the past few years that I tend to keep people at arm’s length, in an unconscious attempt to avoid being hurt again. Stupid, I know. So I keep it all inside and over-analyze everything. I’m going to give myself an ulcer.
I do talk to my cat. I know it sounds silly, but it helps. He knows when I’m upset and sticks close. I’m not under the impression that he understands, but sometimes it’s just nice to say things out loud. It’s hard to be sad when there’s a huge fuzzy purring ball on your lap, kneading your tummy and gazing up at you.
